


What Life Throws at You

by kaybee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Biphobia, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Keith (Voltron), Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 08:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 56,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaybee/pseuds/kaybee
Summary: “Um, Keith?” Shiro asked.“What?”“Did you get a tattoo you didn’t tell me about?” Keith’s eyes went wide.“On purpose? No.”“Well… you have some very interesting ink on your shoulder blade.” Keith froze in place.“What’s it say?”“Hey, your coworker is really cute. Think you could get me a phone number?”-----------------------------------------------------------------“I got my… uh…look!” Lance exclaimed, waving his arm in Hunk’s face.“Oh man, you got one! What’s it say?”Lance looked at his arm again. “It says… ‘I don’t hate you, idiot!’ Huh.”“Wow, um. That’s weird.”------------------------------------------------------------------Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you appears in the first place they touch you. Featuring clueless idiots Keith and Lance





	1. When Ink Appears...

            The apartment was quiet. Keith was awake but not getting up, just letting his head sink further into the pillow. Shiro was already gone. Probably at the gym. Keith meant to go with him, but Shiro’s tendency to be awake by 6 and gone by 6:30 in the morning really hindered Keith’s ability to go with him. Keith wasn’t exactly a morning person. He buried himself in the blankets, procrastinating on the simple act of getting out of bed. The world was nice in the morning. The quiet was peaceful, and Keith let himself enjoy it for as long as possible, ignoring a small dull pain in his upper back. Kind of a soft tingling feeling. It was probably nothing; he’d probably just slept on it weird or something. Eventually, he heard the front door creak open. Shiro was back. Well, that laziness had gone on long enough. Time to get up. He rolled off his mattress and pulled his sweats on before making his way out to the living room, blithely unaware of how bad his bedhead was.  
            “Well, well, look who’s up,” Shiro said, a little smile on his face. Looked like he went to the grocery store after his work out.  
            “Oh, come on, it’s only 9.”  
            “Yeah, I left over 2 hours ago.” Keith grumbled at his friend. “Here, catch,” Shiro said, tossing a bag of coffee beans at Keith. “Looks like you could use it. And put a shirt on.”  
            “Okay, _dad_ ,” Keith teased, without actually doing what Shiro said. Instead he put the coffee beans in the grinder and started making a fresh pot. Shiro was right; he needed it.  
            “Um, Keith?”  
            “What?”  
            “Did you get a tattoo you didn’t tell me about?” Keith’s eyes went wide.  
            “On purpose? No.”  
            “Well… you have some very interesting ink on your shoulder blade.” Keith froze in place. So that was why his back felt odd. His tattoo had finally appeared. Nobody knew why this started happening, or how it happened, but it had become a widely accepted fact of the world that everyone would get a tattoo of the first words their soulmate would say to them. Loads of people already had them, appearing at random points in high school and the two years Keith spent at the Garrison Private University before he all but dropped out, but Keith had already accepted that he wasn’t going to get one. There was no way he had a soulmate. Shiro got his tattoo within months of Keith meeting him. It wasn’t a lot to go off of, but Shiro had met Allura before too long.  
            “What’s it say?” Keith finally managed to ask. Shiro moved closer, squinting a bit.  
            “Hey, your coworker is really cute. Think you could get me a phone number?” Shiro covered a laugh. “Wow.”  
            “Great. So I’m going to meet my soulmate because she’s hitting on someone else?”  
            “Apparently.”  
            “I’d almost rather not have one. Was actually kind of getting used to the idea.”  
            “So pessimistic.” Keith scowled at Shiro.  
            “Don’t you have to go to work or something?” Keith snipped. Shiro didn’t say anything and Keith let out a bit of a sigh. “Whatever. I have to get to that stupid writing class you made me sign up for.”  
            “I didn’t _make_ you do anything,” Shiro said.  
            “Repeatedly suggesting… making me do it… same difference.”  
            “Look, all I said was that the Garrison wouldn’t let you come back at all if you were taking 0 units and you might change your mind about dropping out.” Keith brushed it off and headed towards the shower. The main thing on his mind was the tattoo. It was just so… it was something he’d never anticipated. He’d struggled with the idea of not having a soulmate in the past, but had become oddly comfortable with it. Romance was like… a foreign concept to him. He’d never dated, never had someone so much as show interest in him. Why would people bother? If they were destined to find someone special and were able to figure that out based on the tattoos, why date someone only to know it would end? Keith waited years for his to appear, and had given up hope, and given up really caring about it, until that morning.  
            “Coworker’s cute… pfft,” he mumbled bitterly to himself. So it would be some girl asking about Rolo, probably. Joke was on them. Rolo already had a girlfriend.

            Lance was going about his morning routine like any other day, but it wasn’t any other day. It was the first day of the semester, it was his first semester living outside the dorms, and MAN he was gonna impress the ladies. Maybe some gentlemen, too. Never knew what life was going to throw at you. But then… he caught a glimpse of it in the mirror first, then looked down at his own arm. There were words there, scrawled in red ink. Lance couldn’t help but scream.  
            “What! What is it!” Hunk appeared in the hallway, waving a frying pan around like a weapon.  
            “I got my… uh…look!” Lance exclaimed, waving his arm in Hunk’s face.  
            “Oh man, you got one! What’s it say?”  
            Lance looked at his arm again. “It says… ‘I don’t hate you, idiot!’ Huh.”  
            “Wow, um. That’s weird.”  
            Lance glanced up at Hunk. He got his tattoo a couple months ago, but hadn’t met his soulmate yet. “Yeah. Weird.”  
            “Well come on, I made breakfast.”  
            “Do we have time for breakfast? Class starts at 10.”  
            “Lance, there is _always_ time for breakfast.” 

            Keith walked into Room 2159, suddenly feeling a bit insecure. He didn’t recognize anyone in the room and the professor was standing expectantly at the front of the room, his name scrawled on the board. _Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe._  
            “Hello!” he beamed at Keith. Keith gave a small wave. “And your name would be…?”  
            “Oh. Um. Keith Kogane?”  
            “Ah ha! There you are!”  
            “Cool, nice to meet you, Professor Smythe.”  
            “Ohh, please, call me Coran.” Keith wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Coran marked something off a list. Keith thought it was probably an attendance sheet and slumped into a nearby desk. A moment later, a smaller kid walked in, was just as excitedly greeted by Coran, and turned around, meeting Keith’s eye.  
            “Oh, hey. Keith, right?”  
            “Yeah, you’re Matt’s sister, right? Pidge?” Keith asked. She nodded. “You’re in college already?”  
            “Yeah, it’s kind of weird,” she said as she took the seat next to Keith.   
            “Well I’m glad to see a somewhat familiar face,” Keith muttered. They didn’t know each other very well, but she was Shiro’s best friend’s sister, and Keith had known Shiro for ages, so their paths had crossed before. The boy on her other side snorted and she turned towards him.  
            “Lance? Hunk?!”  
            “‘sup? What’re you doing here? Thought you couldn’t get into the Garrison.”  
            “Long story.”  
            Keith sank in his seat, letting Pidge catch up with her old friends.

            Lance and Hunk walked out of their creative writing class alongside Pidge, who bade goodbye to her friend (Keith? Lance thought that was the name he heard.)  
            “Soooo,” Pidge said, “Coran is… interesting.”  
            “You know who he reminds me of?” Lance said. “He reminds me of Nigel Thornberry.” Pidge’s expression blanked.  
            “Oh my God, you’re right. Do you guys have class right now? I was going to grab some lunch.”  
            “Lunch is good!” Hunk said. “Wait, no. I have Intro to Thermal-Fluid Sciences.”  
            Pidge raised an eyebrow. “That sounds intense, what’s your major again?”  
            “Mechanical engineering,” Hunk answered with a smile. “What’s yours?”  
            “Well I’m a Freshman so I’m technically undeclared but I’m thinking about going into computer programming.”  
            “Nice, nice. I’m in physics, myself,” Lance added. “So you live on campus?”  
            “Yeah but I try not to spend too much time in my dorm.” Pidge’s eyes narrowed, glancing at the tattoo on Lance’s arms, half-covered by his shirt sleeve. “You got your tattoo? Or is that a regular one?”  
            “What?”  
            “Yeah, he got it this morning! Freaked him out a lot,” Hunk explained.  
            “Hunk!”  
            “What’s it say?”  
            “‘I don’t hate you, idiot!’” Hunk laughed as he said it, and Pidge laughed too, while Lance managed a smile. Hunk’s tendency to cross personal boundaries was a little frustrating. Lance wasn’t trying to keep it a secret but he’d rather have brought it up himself. Especially since it wasn’t what he was expecting his tattoo to be.  
            “Guess that means you have to stop hitting on every girl you see,” Pidge said, smirking at him.  
            “I don’t flirt with _every_ girl I see. I never flirted with you, did I?”  
            “That’s because you thought she was a boy for the first two years we were friends.”  
            “Yeah… thanks, Hunk,” Lance muttered.  
            “Anyway, looks like everyone has their tattoos now,” Pidge said. “Except for me.”  
            “You’re just a bab,” Lance teased, patting Pidge’s head. “You don’t need to worry about adult things like soulmates.”  
            Pidge swatted his hand away and pushed her glasses up. Those things were way too big for her face. “‘kay, first of all, I’m 18, I’m hardly a ‘bab’, and second of all, I probably haven’t gotten one because I’m ace-aro?”  
            “What?! Why don’t you ever tell me anything?” Lance said, incredulously. “Also, what exactly does that mean?”  
            Pidge let out a very long sigh. “I didn’t even tell Matt; you don’t get to act all offended. And it means I don’t experience sexual attraction or romantic attraction, so the whole dating and soulmate thing? I just don’t really understand it at all.”  
            “Hmm…” Lance hummed. “Well there’s such a thing as platonic soulmates!”  
            “Lance, what the fuck are you talking about?”  
            “You don’t think so?”  
            “PIDGE SAID FUCK,” Hunk exclaimed. Pidge and Lance just turned to him slowly. “Wha—what? That’s just weird to me? Okay, okay, it’s just like, I’ve known you for years, I never expect that from you.”  
            “We’re in college, Hunk!” Pidge shouted at him.  
            “Okay, I know, I’m gonna go to class now. Bye, guys.” Hunk darted into the science building. Pidge turned back to Lance.  
            “How do you deal with him sometimes?”  
            Lance shrugged. “Eh. He’s my best friend.” 

            Keith went straight from class to work, savoring the moments he was on his motorcycle. He loved that thing. It was built from parts he’d salvaged and assembled it himself. It still needed some work, but it was safe enough to ride. He reveled in the rush of adrenaline it gave him, his jacket rippling in the wind, his hands gripping the handlebars as he zipped through traffic. Beezer’s Auto Shop wasn’t far from the Garrison. Keith parked his bike around the back and walked in the employee’s entrance, changing into his coveralls. Nyma walked in the back door as he finished zipping up.  
            “Hey Keith,” she said, a grin on her face.  
            “Hey Nyma.”  
            “Got some new ink?”  
            “Oh, you saw that? Yeah, it came in this morning.”  
            Nyma draped her arms around Keith’s shoulders from behind. Nyma was always really touchy and kind of flirty. If she weren’t already taken, Keith would have thought about pursuing something with her, if only to experience what a relationship was actually like. Oh, and now that he knew he had a soulmate. Plus Rolo would probably kick his ass if he ever reciprocated any of Nyma’s advances. “Oh? What’s it say?” Keith felt his face flush. He didn’t want to tell her it was going to be someone coming in and eyeing Rolo up, _and_ he was getting really uncomfortable with her hanging herself on him. He stood up abruptly from the bench, and Nyma let go of him.  
            “Uh. It’s nothing. I need to clock in,” Keith said, peeling his eyes away. She was beautiful, that much was for sure. Rolo seemed to notice where Keith’s eyes were, and he didn’t seem happy about it.  
            “Hey, you should watch where you’re lookin’.”  
            “Hey, you should let your girlfriend know she shouldn’t be flirting with other guys.” Rolo didn’t seem to have a response to that. Keith couldn’t help but wonder if they even were soulmates. They didn’t act like a couple that was “in love”, Nyma didn’t seem that dedicated to Rolo, Rolo acted like a jealous asshole…Keith couldn’t stop thinking about his own tattoo. They were supposed to appear on the first place your soulmate touched you. The shoulder blade seemed unusual. It was usually hands or arms. Shiro’s was on his chest. Keith remembered a girl a couple years ago talking very loudly to a friend about how her tattoo appeared on her butt cheek. Soulmates playing grab-ass, apparently. But the shoulder? And he couldn’t stop dwelling over the words it actually said. That he would meet this mystery girl because they were interested in someone else. What a joke of fate.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I wasn't planning on writing this already but here it is. It was like "wow that might be fun" and then it was like "ok write a short prologue" and now here's a full-length chapter.
> 
> This is my first fic that's not Homestuck so it's taking me a little while to get used to writing different characters and I apologize if anything seems OOC!


	2. A Narrow Miss

            Lance was studying at the kitchen table when Hunk came bursting into the apartment.  
            “Lance, guess what?” he said, beaming at his friend. Before Lance could answer, Hunk just excitedly blurted, “I met my soulmate!”  
            “What! Dude, that’s awesome!” Lance stood up, bouncing on his heels, mirroring Hunk’s excitement. “What’s her name, what happened?”   
           “Her name’s Shay, she’s an archaeology major, she’s _craaaaazy_ passionate about what she does, and wow, she’s so pretty.”  
            “Okay, so how did you meet?”  
            “It’s kind of stupid, actually,” Hunk looked decidedly embarrassed.  
            “ _Huuuuuuunk_ ,” Lance whined.  
            “Okay, fine. I was trying to be polite and hold the door open, and she kind of accidentally stepped on my foot.” Lance couldn’t help but laugh. “Shut _up._ Anyway, she apologized profusely and when I realized her words were my tattoo I got really flustered, but she figured out what was going on pretty quickly too. We’re going out to dinner tonight.”  
            “So when do I get to meet this Shay?”  
            “Lance, can I spend more than five minutes with her first?” Hunk sighed, before heading into the bedroom to find an outfit to wear. Lance turned his music back on and turned back to his homework, a thin smirk on his face. It was a little funny how worked up Hunk was getting himself. After a little while, Hunk re-emerged, looking freshened up, then checked his watch. “I need to get going. The truck is acting up and I want to get it looked at and maybe washed up before I go pick up Shay.”  
            “Cool, I’ll be here. Struggling with this homework.”  
            “Text Pidge; I’m sure she’d be willing to help,” Hunk said, heading for the front door.  
            Lance scoffed. “I do _not_ need help from a Freshman!”  
            “So… your pride is more important than your grades?”  
            “…you are the worst when you’re right,” Lance grumbled, taking out his phone. Hunk grinned at him and went out the door. Lance couldn’t help but be a bit jealous Hunk had a date. He’d had his tattoo for a couple months, though. Would Lance have to wait that long to find out who his soulmate was? That _sucked._ He sighed and typed out a text to Pidge.

            Lance: hey nerd wanna have a study sesh  
            Pidge: are you asking for my help  
            Pidge: if so you may want to refrain from calling me a nerd  
            Lance: so what you want me to suck up to you?  
            Pidge: no a simple bribe will suffice  
            Pidge: what are you willing to part with  
            Lance: tell u what  
            Lance: come help me and we can share the rest of my vodka  
            Pidge: what how do you have vodka  
            Pidge: wait nm im like 85 percent sure i dont want to know  
            Pidge: ill be over soon  
            Pidge: whats your address again?

            What started as a study session turned into an all out late-night gossip-fest. If there was one thing Lance could count on, it was his friends, and Pidge was no exception, despite the fact that they hadn’t really hung out in years. The age gap made a difference only when it came to graduation.  
            “Did Hunk tell you he met his soulmate?” Lance asked when they were both a couple drinks in.  
            “What!” Pidge jolted upright before somehow accidentally rolling off the couch. There was a loud thud, and then a spurt of laughter, both from Lance and Pidge. Lance helped Pidge up, and she straightened herself out before glancing at Lance and both of them bursting out in laughter again. Pidge plopped back onto the couch. “When did that happen?” she asked.  
            “Literally today.”  
            “Is that where he is now?”  
            “Out with her? Yeah.”  
            “Man I am going to do so much digging when I get home.” Pidge settled back onto the couch, taking another sip of her drink.  
            “Pidge, can I ask you somethin’?”  
            “‘course.”  
            “Why haven’ you told Matt you’re not… that you’re ace? Is he weird about that stuff?” Lance asked.  
            “I dunno, it just doesn’t seem important. Do you walk around announcing your sexuality to the worl—actually, don’t answer that.” Lance wasn’t sure how to take that. He was very comfortable with his attraction towards women. Of course he was, that was how society expected things to be. It was easy to flirt with girls. He didn’t have to worry about how it would be received—he’d either get turned down or not. But Lance, despite his open bisexuality, had a lot more difficulty speaking to guys in a flirtatious manner. What if they were straight? What if they thought he was making a joke? What if someone homophobic saw, and made a fuss? And then there was the fact that he wouldn’t know what to do if a guy _did_ reciprocate. Sometimes Lance found himself questioning it. Was he _really_ bi? Did it count if he’d never dated a guy? Sometimes, complying with heteronormativity was just easier. It was a lot to think about, especially when under the influence. “What made you ask?” Pidge prompted, nudging him with her foot from across the couch.  
            “Ah, nevermind. Le’s just play some video games or something. Smash Bros?”  
            “I will totally kick your ass.”

 

            Keith let out a long sigh as he came through the front door, tossing his keys and jacket on the nearby table. Shiro glanced at him from the couch, where he and Allura were sitting.  
            “Long day?” he asked.  
            “It’s nothing, just… Nyma was all over me again. Which gets Rolo on my case and… it’s exhausting.”  
            “Sounds like you could use a break,” Shiro said.  
            “Yes, you’re welcome to join us and watch some movies!” Allura added. “I brought some wine. Altean brand.”  
            “I’ll pass,” Keith muttered. “Wouldn’t want to impose on date night.”  
            “Oh, it would be no imposition,” Allura said. Keith wasn’t planning on obliging either way, but the look he saw Shiro shoot at her only pushed him further away from the idea. It was evident his roommate wanted some time with his girlfriend.  
            “Really, it’s fine,” Keith reiterated. He grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and turned back to the two on the couch. “Besides, I’m, uh, not much of a drinker.”   
           “Oh, Keith, you’re in Coran’s class, right?”  
            “Uh, yeah?”  
            “You should have a word with him if you’re interested in returning to being a full-time student. He was my academic advisor and he’s really quite helpful.”  
            “Oh, alright. I’ll keep that in mind,” Keith said before he made his way into the bedroom and sat down at his desk, opening up the assignment Coran had given them. The class was only two days a week, so it wouldn’t be due until Thursday, but Keith wanted to get it done since he’d probably get stuck at the garage for the whole day.

 

            Get stuck at the garage he did, as Nyma had taken the day off for some reason, leaving Keith stuck running the counter with Rolo. It was slow, too, so there was really no need for there to be two of them, but it was Rolo’s own policy. If no one was needed in the garage, there were supposed to be two people at the counter. The silence only gave Keith more time to think. He was wondering about Rolo’s stance on the whole ‘soulmate’ thing. His worry about Nyma’s… nature didn’t really seem to fit in with that narrative. If they were soulmates, his concern should have been non-existent. Eventually, curiosity got the better of him.  
            “Hey Rolo,” he started, “do you believe in that soulmate stuff?”  
            Rolo gave him a sideways glance. “Let me tell you somethin’, Keith. That ‘soulmate stuff’? It’s a bunch of garbage.”  
            “What’s got you so jaded?”  
            Rolo sighed before rolling back his sleeve and showing Keith his tattoo. It was a dull, faded black. No, not even black. Grey. And the words that were once written clearly there were struck through by a solid line. “You see this? This means I had a soulmate. Emphasis on _had._ ”  
            “What do you mean?”  
            “The line you see there, crossing these words out? Means I had a soulmate. But she died.” Oh shit, Keith thought. His eyes darted up to meet Rolo’s. Things just got intense. “I hate that they don’t just fade away,” Rolo muttered. “It’d be easier if they were just gone. Instead I have to see them every day. A reminder of what was supposed to be, but never was. I never even had the chance to know her. Some _fate_ , right?”  
            “Wow, I…um…” Keith didn’t know what to say to that. He was never close with Rolo; he felt bad for prodding and making the guy reveal something that was so personal.  
            “Nyma doesn’t even have one,” Rolo continued. “She doesn’t think she’ll ever get one. Throws herself at everyone, thinking something will stick, hoping her first words might match someone else’s tattoo or something.”  
            “But you two are dating?”  
            “Well, yeah, but flirting like that gives her some hope, I guess. I don’t think it works that way, but it makes her smile. That’s all that really matters. She’s all I really got in this world now. Her and this shitty little shop. But if you ever make a move on her, I will punch your teeth out and make you eat ‘em.”  
            “Whoa, relax, I’m not going to do anything. Besides, I got my tattoo yesterday and I’m 100 percent sure it’s not supposed to be Nyma."  
          “Good. Now can we stop talking about this?” Rolo leaned against the wall and faced front again. Keith took a slow breath and went back to minding his own business.

 

            “So, how was your _daaaaate?_ ” Pidge was teasing Hunk in creative writing on Thursday.  
            “I should have known telling you to ask her for help would devolve into a gossip session,” Hunk muttered.  
            “She has a way of getting things out of me!” Lance said, defensively.  
            “Don’t pin this on me, you’re the one that brought it up.”  
            “I was drunk!”  
            “So was I!”  
            “Wait, why were you two drunk? No, no, it doesn’t matter. Uh, Shay told me she wants to meet my friends so I guess we’re all going to lunch today. If you guys can, I mean.”  
            “Oh, hell yeah!” Lance said excitedly.  
            “Sure thing,” Pidge answered.  
            “Okay, cool. I’ll let her know.”  
            “I thought you had another class after this.”  
            “Yeah, but it’s a Tuesday-only class; it’s like four hours long.”  
            “Hey Pidge, you never did tell me how you got into the Garrison,” Lance nudged her in the shoulder.  
            “Oh man, that whole thing. I’ll tell you guys at lunch.”  
            Keith straggled into class, sliding into the desk next to Pidge again, while Lance spent longer than he’d like to admit looking at Keith’s face. He had nice features, to say the least. His face was angular, with a sharp jawline and a thin nose and bushy eyebrows that were furrowed together above stormy, blue-grey eyes. The least attractive thing was the haircut—something resembling a mullet—and even that wasn’t half-bad. His dark hair still looked fluffy and soft and well-maintained. Keith’s eyes darted up to meet Lance’s, and Lance leaned back in his chair, pretending he hadn’t been staring. He was thankful for Coran’s interruption as he started class.

             Pidge turned to Keith after class. Keith, who’d spent the majority of class thinking about what Rolo had told him yesterday while also looking at the kid who sat on Pidge’s other side. When he’d walked in the room, the boy was watching him, and Keith couldn’t help but watch in return. But Pidge demanded his attention. “Hey, we’re all going to lunch to meet Hunk’s girlfriend,” she said. “Do you want to come?”  
            Keith glanced at the lanky boy behind her again, a glint of expectation in his eyes, and for some reason, Keith felt a bit embarrassed. “No, that’s fine. I gotta work on my bike a bit,” he said, looking at Pidge again. She shrugged and left alongside Hunk and the other boy—it started with an ‘L’. Larry? L…eonard? No. That didn’t sound quite right. Oh well. From the few times Coran had called on him, he seemed a bit… much, anyway. Keith was sure he’d be alright without making his acquaintance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bluhhh i didn't really know what to do with this chapter, more establishing stuff I guess?? I promise they're gonna meet next chapter though


	3. First Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finally figures some things out.

            Some time passed, and Keith was still curious about Pidge’s friend (whom he’d learned was named Lance) but their paths never crossed beyond being just classmates. They never spoke directly, and Pidge called Keith out one afternoon.  
            “So are you ever going to say anything to Lance, or just sit there staring at him all the time?” she said accusingly.  
            “What?”  
            “Keith, I know what pining looks like.”          
            “I’m not pining! I don’t even know the guy! Plus I’m pretty sure I’m not gay.”  
            “Okay, maybe not pining like _that,_ but you want to know him, don’t you?”  
            “I don’t know, maybe. I don’t know if you realize this, but I don’t actually have a lot of friends. I have you, and Shiro, and that’s pretty much it.”  
            “Then why don’t you ever come hang out with me and Lance and Hunk after class? We usually get lunch and just talk. Sometimes Shay comes along, too, and you might like her.”  
            “I don’t know, Pidge,” Keith shrugged.  
            “Come on, you can’t rescind every offer to socialize and then complain about not having friends. You’re coming to lunch with us today,” Pidge said, not giving Keith another chance to argue, and of course, right at that moment, Lance and Hunk walked into class.  
            “Mullet’s coming with us to lunch?” Lance said, the comment directed at Pidge rather than Keith himself. Keith didn’t say anything, just sank in his seat. He didn’t have an excuse to get out of this one; he was off of work that day in particular, so Pidge managed to drag him along with the other boys, and Keith couldn’t exactly say he was ungrateful for it. Not only had he and Pidge become fast friends, but Hunk seemed really friendly as well. He was like a big teddy bear; he seemed really helpful and kind and had a laugh that rang with an amount of joy that was contagious. He talked about cooking a lot but also struck Keith as being really intelligent (mentioning the fact that his major was Mechanical Engineering also helped with this) and he was completely infatuated with Shay. Shay was a bigger girl than most—not in terms of being fat, but rather, she was bulky; strong—she had broad shoulders and thick arms and legs that were probably mostly muscle, but personality-wise, she was soft. Her smile was gentle, and she just seemed like a generally cheerful, optimistic person. Shay and Hunk were a good couple. They complimented each other pretty well. Keith and Pidge exchanged a look when Hunk kissed Shay on the cheek when she joined them.  
            “Hello, everyone,” Shay said with a smile, finding a seat next to Hunk. “I don’t believe we’ve met.” Her attention focused on Keith. “I am Shay!”  
            “Hi, Shay, I’m Keith,” he said, feeling a bit unsure, but not wanting to seem rude either. Much to his surprise, he actually had a good time. Lance did rub him the wrong way; he kind of talked a lot and seemed the slightest bit obnoxious, but Keith would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t think Lance could be funny. He just had… a big personality. Seemed like a lot to handle. There was something really… interesting about him, though. Keith couldn’t help but keep his eyes on Lance throughout lunch, and was a bit relieved to be away from Lance for a little bit afterwards. Being around him made his brain kind of fuzzy, sort of like how his foot fell asleep if he sat on it for too long, but in his head. Pidge had a thin smirk on her face as Keith walked her back to her dorm.  
            “What’re you so smug about, over there?”  
            “Nothing. Just thinking about how you couldn’t keep your eyes off of Lance.”  
            “Pidge, I told you, I don’t like him that way.”  
            “If you say so.”  
            “Oh my God, I don’t even know him. I came along because I don’t want to seem like that stoic asshole.”  
            “Give it a rest, Keith. You came and you were _still_ the stoic asshole.”  
            “Honestly, I felt a little awkward around Hunk and Shay. Wasn’t about Lance at all.”  
            “Yeah, I feel a little weird around them too,” Pidge admitted. “Like, I’m comfortable with who I am, and I acknowledge that I don’t really feel attraction that way, but seeing how happy they make each other, I kind of wish I could have those feelings. But I just don’t. I’m not wired that way, and it sucks. I feel… I don’t know. Broken?”  
            “Broken,” Keith repeated. They were quiet for a moment. Keith could relate—he’d never been strongly compelled to date, but nobody even showed attraction to him, which did kind of hurt. Was there something wrong with him? “Ugh, I hate this soulmate bullshit.”  
            “Wait, you got your tattoo?”  
            “Yeah, a few weeks ago.”  
            “Huh.” Keith could see the wheels turning in Pidge’s mind, but he didn’t want to ask, and then they were at her dorm.  
            “You didn’t have to walk me back, you know,” she tutted at him.  
            “Yeah, I know, just wanted some air. Didn’t want to head back to the apartment and sit by myself.”  
            “Where’s Shiro?”  
            “Working late.”  
            “Ah, well I’d invite you in, but we’re not really supposed to have gues—” Pidge was interrupted by the door to her apartment opening and a young boy slipping out.  
            “Oh, hey Pidge. Need anything from the store?”  
            “Uh, nah, Nick, I’m good,” she answered, clearly embarrassed. Keith raised an eyebrow at her.  
            “You live in a boy’s dorm?”  
            “Yeah, it’s, uh… well here’s the thing; I was a real pain in the ass for the Garrison the last couple years and they basically banned me from the premises, but I was hell-bent on coming to school here. Matt wanted me to go here; my mom wanted me to go here, and I guess constantly barraging them with emails and… well, attempting to hack the system and stuff like that didn’t put me in the best position. So ‘Katie Holt’ would never be allowed to attend here. I decided to… change my image and use that stupid nickname Shiro got to stick. I’m enrolled as ‘Pidge Gunderson’, and I’m enrolled… as a guy. So I got stuck in a guy’s dorm and it’s hellaciously awkward.”  
            “Oh. Wow.” Keith didn’t know what else to say.  
            “Listen, I was just hoping you guys wouldn’t find out about this so please don’t tell anyone, especially Shiro. He would flip his _shit._ ”  
            “Don’t worry, Pidge, your secret is safe with me.” 

            Lance was satisfied that Keith was finally hanging out with them. Pidge had been badgering Keith for weeks, and the fact that Lance’s aesthetic (purely aesthetic okay maybe he thought Keith was kind of hot but they’d never even spoken to each other it’s not a crush no matter what Hunk said!) attraction to Keith had been growing only made him even happier he came to lunch with them. But Keith was quiet. Lance couldn’t help but feel Keith’s eyes on him, and made a point not to make eye contact. He could feel Pidge’s judgement, too, and he was sure he’d have been able to feel Hunk’s as well if he wasn’t too busy doting on Shay. They were really sweet together. The next day he decided to text Pidge.

            Lance: so whats the deal with keith??  
            Pidge: youre going to have to elaborate  
            Lance: hes finally coming out with us?  
            Pidge: don’t be like that he’s just introverted  
            Pidge: why are you asking about him anyway  
            Lance: no reason  
            Pidge: ohhh do you like him  
            Lance: i think he’s attractive but come on give me a break i have eyes  
            Pidge: interestingly enough he also got his soulmate tattoo recently  
            Lance: oh??  
            Lance: well its probably a coincidence  
            Lance: hes not gay is he?  
            Pidge: well as far as he knows  
            Pidge: idk stuff like that can change right?  
            Lance: yeah!  
            Lance: took me a while to figure that stuff out  
            Pidge: whether you want to acknowledge it or not you texted me specifically to ask about keith and that is pretty telling in my opinion  
            Pidge: and as much joy as this brings me i cant actually talk right now  
            Lance: ughhh youre the worst 

            Lance cast his phone aside and dropped onto the couch, letting out a bit of a groan. Hunk glanced at him from the kitchen table and sighed.  
            “What’s wrong?”  
            “What! Nothing’s wrong.”  
            “Come on, something’s on your mind.”  
            “Ugh, it’s this stupid soulmate tattoo! I just want to meet this person already. Anticipation is killing me.”  
            “Well I’m not going to sit here and let you mope about it. Come on, we’re going to the auto shop.”  
            “What business do _I_ have in an auto shop?”  
            “Um, you’re coming with me? I need a part for the truck. There’s something up with the muffler.” Hunk hoisted Lance up by one arm and they walked out to Hunk’s truck. He revved it up and it started, but it started with a clatter and the sound of rattling metal.  
            “Oh shit, there _is_ something seriously wrong with your muffler,” Lance said.  
            “Yeah, I’m hoping they have what I need at Beezer’s.”  
            “Beezer’s? Man, that place is a dump.”  
            “Cheaper than most auto shops though,” Hunk answered.  
            “Alright, fair point.”

            Beezer’s was a dinky, small place, and Lance was surprised to see a familiar face behind the counter.  
            “Keith? I didn’t know you worked here,” Hunk said, excitedly. Keith looked up at the two of them.  
            “Oh. Yeah. They suckered me in with that employee discount. Motorcycle parts don’t come cheap.” Keith had a motorcycle? That was not helping with Lance’s attraction to him. “So, what can I help you with?” He leaned forward on the counter, looking at Hunk.  
            “Just need to fix my muffler,” Hunk explained. Keith nodded at him.  
            “Hey Nyma,” he called towards the back of the store. A girl appeared from around a corner and—wow, she was _really_ attractive. She had long blonde hair that was tamed into two twin braids, her coveralls were tied off at the waist, essentially functioning only as pants, and as a result she was walking around the store in a sports bra, and her height was the slightest bit intimidating, but she was thin as a rail, and as far as Lance could tell, she wasn’t wearing much makeup. A natural beauty. God damn. “Nyma, can you help the big guy out?” Keith said, nodding towards Hunk.  
            “Sure thing,” Nyma answered, and she took Hunk down the aisle, trying to find whatever specific part he needed. Lance leaned back against the same counter Keith was leaning forward on, both of them watching Nyma and Hunk walk away. Lance patted Keith on the shoulder.  
            “Hey, your coworker is really cute. Think you could get me a number?”

            Keith kept his composure when Hunk walked into the shop, he even kept his composure when Lance walked into the shop, but when Hunk and Nyma had walked away, Lance said something to Keith that sent him into an internal panic. “Hey, your coworker is really cute. Think you could get me a number?” Keith faltered, his eyes widening in panic as his gaze met Lance’s. He struggled to put words together, and was saved by Hunk.  
            “Lance!”  
            “Yeah, I’m coming!” Lance called back, and walked after the other two. Holy shit. Holy shit. No.  
            Keith was still worked up into a panic when he went home. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”  
            “Something wrong?” Shiro asked.  
            “Uh, well, I found out who my soulmate is,” Keith explained, running a hand through his hair.  
            “Why do you seem so distraught by that?”  
            “Cause it’s a guy.” Shiro’s expression blanked. “Fuck. Do we have any beer? I really need a beer.” Keith rummaged through the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle, turning around just in time for Shiro to toss him the bottle opener. He opened it, took a swig, then slammed the bottle on the counter. “It’s this guy, from my class. Friends with Pidge.”  
            “What’s his name?”  
            “Lance.”  
            “Lance McClain?”  
            “Um… yeah, I think so.”  
            “I know him.” Keith nearly did a spittake.  
            “What the _fuck,_ Shiro, do you know everyone at that school?”  
            “I was his RA.”  
            “Of course you were. But that’s not even the point; I’m not gay.”  
            “Apparently the universe begs to differ. Did you say anything to him?”  
            “No! I can’t say anything to him! I don’t… know how to flirt. I- I- I don’t want the first thing I say to him to be something stupid, either. Then he’s gonna be stuck with something stupid as his tattoo.”  
            “I don’t think that’s how it works, Keith.”  
            “I don’t really know what to do here. Why does the universe fucking do this? Why… ugh! Fucking _Lance,_ his tan skin and ocean-y eyes and perfect hair—shit!” Keith’s eyes darted over to Shiro, who was just grinning at him. “Okay, so he’s pretty. That doesn’t mean anything.”  
            “Whatever you say, _lover boy._ ”  
            “Shut up!” Keith took another drink of his beer. “Maybe I find him attractive. And maybe the more I think about it the more I can see it maybe being a thing. I’ve never… I’ve never really dated at all so who am I to say I couldn’t date a guy? But… Lance? _Really?_ And anyway, he was asking me for Nyma’s number. I doubt he’s even gay either.”  
“Keith, like it or not, this is something you’re going to have to deal with. You can’t just avoid speaking to him forever, since you two share the same social circle. And just so you know, Lance is bi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well thanks for THAT piece of information shiro... Keith.exe has stopped working 
> 
> sorry this took so long!! been busy with finals and moving out of my dorm and now im on dat con crunch for anime expo  
> anyway hope you enjoy


	4. Flirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is still trying to process his emotions

            If Keith wasn’t avoiding hanging out with Pidge and the others _before_ that incident with Lance in the shop, he was definitely avoiding hanging out with them afterwards. He was still coping with the fact that it was Lance, and that he _was_ attracted to him, and that meant that Keith wasn’t as totally straight as he’d gone his entire life believing he was, and if he jumped right into talking to Lance and being soulmates—whatever that entailed—he was going to give himself a conniption. So he stayed quiet, especially when Lance was around. But when Hunk asked him to join them—himself, Pidge, Lance, and Shay—for dinner and a movie, Keith found himself unable to say no. There was something about Hunk. Keith liked being his friend, and he liked being Pidge’s friend, and he was worried that isolating himself in avoidance of Lance would alienate the other two. It was such a frustrating position to be in. He was thankful Hunk and Pidge were talkative that day, and for the dim lighting in the restaurant, because any time he caught Lance’s eyes from across the table, Keith turned aggressively pink. It got to the point where Keith was _sure_ that Pidge and Hunk were picking up on it.  
            “What’s with you?” Hunk asked Keith when they were in line for the tickets at the movie theater.  
            “What? Nothing.”  
            “Are you sure? Definitely seems like something.”  
            “I’m just, ah, thinking about work.”  
            “Dude, you work too much,” Pidge piped up. “Try to loosen up a little bit.”  
            “Yeah, Keith!” Lance said. “Try to have a bit of fun once in a while.” Keith grumbled, eyes darting away from Lance. Every time he heard Lance’s voice, he swore the tattoo on his shoulder twinged.

            Lance went back to minding his own business. For whatever reason, it seemed like Keith didn’t like him very much. Any time he talked to the guy, Keith furrowed his brow at him, or scowled and looked away. It was like Keith couldn’t _stand_ being around him, but he dealt with it because he was friends with Hunk and Pidge. Whatever. It wasn’t like Lance cared what Keith thought of him. He let out a low sigh, then turned to the girl at the ticket booth, smiling at her, and she was grinning back, leaning forward on the counter behind the glass. “What can I do ya for, hotshot?”  
            “Yeah, I’ll get one to, uh, what was it, Hunk? _Rewind Abyss?_ ” Lance called behind him. Hunk nodded. “Yeah. _Rewind Abyss._ One ticket, and your phone number, if you’re feeling generous.”  
            “Ohh, we got a risk-taker here,” she said, laughing a bit. “Sorry, dude, I don’t play for your team. And I’m spoken for,” she showed off the ink on her wrist. “The ticket’s $12.50.”  
            “Awwhh,” Lance pouted. “Well, it was worth a shot.” He handed his debit card over.  
            “Well, hot tip for you—the popcorn girl? Pretty _cuuute_. Here,” she slid his card and ticket back and Lance smiled at her again.  
            “Thanks for the tip.” Lance stepped to the side and Pidge stepped forward to get her ticket.  
            “Hey, nice job, Casanova,” she said, punching Lance lightly in the arm. Hunk was snickering behind them, and Shay giggled a bit, but Keith just glowered. What was his problem? Whatever. Once everyone had their tickets, Lance worked his charm on the popcorn girl, and that time, it worked. So what if he had a soulmate tattoo? He’d find them eventually. In the meantime, flirting was harmless fun. If girls wanted to give him their phone numbers, why would he object to that?

            When the group got into the theater, Pidge insisted on sitting on the end, Hunk next to her and Shay on his other side, which left Lance between Shay and Keith, who was very pointedly sitting as far away from Lance as he could without sliding into the next seat over. Lance looked over at him, raising an eyebrow, to which Keith frowned and then shrugged. Lance was still dwelling on this fact when he and Hunk got back to their apartment.  
            “I just don’t get it! Like, what’s his problem? He’s nice to you and Pidge and Shay, what’s his beef with me?” Lance ranted.  
            “I dunno, I mean… not everyone is going to like you all the time,” Hunk answered.  
            “I mean not liking me is one thing, but it’s like Keith goes out of his way to make sure I _know_ he doesn’t like me. Did I do something?”  
            “Do you want me to be ‘Nice Hunk’ or ‘Honest Hunk’?”  
            “Uh!” Lance scoffed. “Isn’t there some kind of middle road here?”  
            “Okay, here’s the thing, Lance: you have a… uh, _big_ personality. Maybe Keith just doesn’t know how to handle it. Orrr he kind of thinks you’re a showoff.”  
            “I am _not_ a showoff!”  
            “Oh, _okay,_ ” Hunk answered. Lance didn’t have much of a response to that, so instead he just flopped onto the couch. Maybe he was a showoff, but that wasn’t a _bad_ thing, was it? Confidence was supposed to be attractive, right? Maybe he _did_ need to cool it with the flirting, and try to figure out who the actual fuck his soulmate was. The tattoo was supposed to appear anywhere from a week to several months before you met your soulmate, and it had already been a month and a half; the calendar was nearing October. Lance was getting impatient. For all he knew, his soulmate could be right under his nose! This whole thing was stressing him out, so he decided to head to the college gym.

            The movie afternoon was unbearable for Keith. Not because the movie was bad. No, because he had to bear witness to Lance hitting on the girl at the ticket booth, and when she turned him down, Lance hit on the girl at the popcorn machine—and got her number! It was unfair how confident he was, flirting with anyone in a skirt, not realizing Keith was right there, and Keith was too… not shy (okay maybe a little), but too frustrated to say anything to Lance. And then the two had to sit next to each other through the entire movie. Keith uncomfortably shifted away from him as much as possible, using probably only half the seat. Lance raised an eyebrow at him, and Keith gave a half-hearted shrug before quickly looking away.  
            Once he got home—Shiro notably absent—Keith just changed into his gym clothes and left again, working his stress off in a somewhat productive manner. He didn’t have a gym membership, so he hopped on Red and went to the gym at the school. He was only about halfway through his workout when he saw Lance walking up to the gym through the window wall. Oh, what was _with_ this guy? Keith tried not to think about it, but it was hard not to think about it when he could see Lance using his charming smile on the receptionist, and this string of flirty mannerisms did not end that evening. Maybe it was just Lance’s nature, and maybe it was unintentional, but he came off as very flirty and charming and the way that Keith had to watch Lance’s eyes—his _SOULMATE’S_ eyes—follow girls as they walked past was infuriating. It wasn’t _every_ girl, but it happened at least once every time they went out to lunch with the group. Pidge had had enough, and so had Keith, but Pidge voiced her concerns first.  
            “Lance, can you chill the fuck out?” she said, glaring at him.  
            “What?”  
            “Your eyes are wandering, okay? I’m tired of sitting here watching you objectify women, and even if you’re not saying anything, I know what you’re thinking. And… you have a soulmate, have you thought about finding them?”  
            “Oh, Pidge come _on,_ I’m just looking. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”  
            “Ugh,” Pidge muttered.  
            “No, I’m serious, listen, there’s a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction, right?”  
            “Yeah, I understand what aesthetic attraction is.”  
            “Okay, so I’m just appreciating that.”  
            “Wait, I have an actual question,” Hunk said. “Lance, you’re openly bi, right? So why aren’t you like that with guys?” Lance started to say something, but Shay answered for him.  
            “Because society is heteronormative. It’s much more mentally taxing to approach someone of your same gender.” Hunk glanced at Shay. “I am not strictly heterosexual, either.”  
            “Oh,” Lance muttered. Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then Hunk cleared his throat.  
            “What? Guys, it’s not a big deal,” Hunk said. “Anyway, Lance, what’s your take on that?”  
            “Okay, well Shay’s pretty much right. It’s just harder for me to talk to guys and look at guys like that. Maybe part of it is me trying to analyze my own attraction. Like, why _can’t_ I look at guys as easily as I look at girls? It’s always like, ‘yeah, he’s kind of cute! I appreciate that!’ but so often, girls are just… knockouts. Look at her over there,” Lance pointed across the room at someone. “She’s like 70% leg, and great fashion sense. Very boho. All I’m saying is that she’s attractive. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than that. Actually, that reminds me, Keith, what’s the status on that phone number I asked for?” Keith, who had been his typical brooding silent self, slammed his hands on the table, and walked away.

            “I can’t fucking _deal_ with him,” Keith muttered to himself as he made his way out to the parking lot where Red was parked. He rode the long way home that day, letting his frustration dull. He grunted in anger at every turn, the noise drowned out by Red, but not letting off enough steam that he wasn’t still mad when he got home. He let the door slam behind him, and once again, Shiro was not home. Keith wasn’t a fan of being in the apartment by himself, but he clearly had other things on his mind. His phone rang, the caller ID reading ‘Pidge’. “Oh great, bet she wants to give me shit about this,” Keith muttered before answering his phone.  
            “Keith, what the hell was that about?”  
            “And hello to you too, Pidge.”  
            “Your angst bullshit left everyone sitting here wondering what the fuck your problem is, I thought you were trying to make friends.”  
            “Yeah, I _am,_ but Lance just… ugh. That whole talk about how he sees guys differently than girls, and the way he’s pushing me for Nyma’s number, I can’t… ugh!”  
            “Why do _you_ care if… oh. _Ohhhhh._ I see what this is. You’re jealous.”  
            Keith turned red, and was suddenly grateful Shiro wasn’t around. “I am not!”  
            “Yes you are! You get so pissy any time he’s chatting girls up. And, yes, I think he can be a little bit… much about it, but as far as the flirting goes, he’s just naturally charming. A lot of the time is unintentional. _I_ get mad when he’s blatantly staring at ass.”  
            “What a load of shit; I don’t need this from you.”  
            “Keith, face the facts—you’re grumpy and sullen around him, you get flustered when he talks to you and mad that he so easily talks to girls and you just stormed away because he’s asking about other people in a flirtatious manner. So I can come up with three explanations. One: you’re jealous because he has a natural charm and can approach people so easily; two: you actually just can’t tolerate him; or, three: _you_ have feelings for—”  
            “Alright, enough! I know! Okay, yes, I have a hard time being around Lance. And there is a _very_ good reason.” Keith took a breath. He could tell Pidge was highly awaiting his explanation. “Here’s the truth, Pidge. Lance is… my soulmate.”  
            “What!”  
            “I know, I know! I know what you’re going to say—that I should say something to him and end this useless pining or whatever, but it’s so… intimidating. Here’s the thing about me. I’ve never dated _anyone,_ and until I found out Lance is my soulmate, I thought I was straight. And like you said, he’s kind of effortlessly charming, and I can’t even get my act together to tell him what the fuck is going on, and we’re all hanging out, I’m sitting there listening to him talk about how attractive he thinks girls are, and how guys are different, and like… what if he _doesn’t_ like me? And what if the first thing I say to him is stupid? I don’t know what to… ugh.”  
            “Okay, but you can’t sit there and get pissed, complaining about him being flirty and simultaneously choose not to act on what is not only your attraction, but a literal message from the universe!”  
            “Ugh, I know! I know I’m being kind of an idiot about it, I just… am still wrapping my head around things.”  
            “That makes sense, then, and _I_ am going to leave you with a couple of pieces of information. If Lance is attracted to a guy, he’s going to be more lowkey about it. Like they said earlier, heteronormativity and all that. So even if he’s not expressing it, there’s a good chance he finds you attractive.”  
            “What makes you say that?”  
            “Here’s the second piece of information…”

            Hunk, Shay, Pidge, and Lance all stared as Keith stormed off with no explanation, until Lance broke the silence.  
            “Ya know, in a weird kind of way, Keith is kind of hot.”


	5. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance finally confront each other.

            Ever since Lance said out loud that he thought Keith was kind of hot, the idea would _not_ leave his mind. Keith’s grumpy little pout and the surly frown he always shot Lance’s direction and his stormy grey-blue eyes were… frustrating, to say the least. Frustrating because Lance didn’t know what to do about his own feelings, but also because it seemed really, _really_ clear that Keith just did not like him, at all. And honestly, the entire thing made Lance want to slam his head on the desk. Which was exactly what he did, one warm October afternoon.  
            “Is that a homework-related thud or…?” Hunk asked from his own desk, glancing over at Lance.  
            “Keith-related,” Lance muttered, voice muffled from the fact that it was currently face-down. He lurched upward a bit and propped himself up on his elbows. “Hunk, I don’t know what to do, I’ve had crushes on guys before, but this is… bad. And it came right out of nowhere! He was just so… fiery, that day he stormed out, and I don’t feel like I can do anything about it because he just… hates me?”  
            “Lance, Keith doesn’t hate you.”  
            “How do you know that?” Lance snapped. “He doesn’t say a _word_ to me. All I get is a glare and a huffy sigh.” Hunk shrugged.  
            “Maybe he’s just shy?”  
            “He’s not _shy_ , he has no problem talking to you and Pidge and Shay.”  
            “Man, I don’t know, then.” Hunk did, in fact, know. Keith told Pidge that he and Lance were soulmates, and then Pidge spilled the beans before Keith could _also_ come clean to Hunk (which he did, eventually) and Hunk had to pretend he wasn’t already aware, but Hunk Garrett was not a great liar. What it boiled down to was everyone except Lance being aware of the situation, and Hunk and Pidge watching the two boys partake in a mutually frustrating game of gay chicken. Except instead of being straight boys who were just screwing around, they were two boys legitimately interested in each other but both too afraid to make a move. And everyone was getting real sick of it. Pidge and Hunk were days away from placing bets on who would finally make a move. Lance was moping about it, and Keith was still trying to figure out how to even _talk_ to Lance. All this was swimming in Keith’s head and he sank at his desk.  
            “Do you think we should have a Halloween party?” Shiro asked out of nowhere.  
            Keith glanced over at Shiro, raising an eyebrow. “You, Takashi Shirogane, want to throw a party.”  
            “Come on, don’t say it like that.”  
            “I just didn’t take you for the party type.”  
            “I’m not, really. Allura said something about me needing to loosen up more, though. I thought that might be… I don’t know,” Shiro shrugged.  
            “No, it’s fine, I think that might be fun,” Keith muttered, not sure how much he _actually_ liked the idea.  
            “Hmm. I’m gonna text Pidge about it. You should invite Hunk and Lance, too.” Keith felt his face drop.  
            “Why can’t you have Pidge invite them?”  
            “Because you’re avoiding talking to Lance.” Keith crossed his arms, scowling at Shiro. “You’re pouting at me because I’m right.” Keith still didn’t answer, instead taking out his phone. He thought about texting Pidge, but he knew she wasn’t going to put up with his bullshit “invite Lance to the party for me because I’m a big gay coward” nonsense. He decided to text Hunk instead. Hunk had a gentler way of handling things.

Keith: so apparently shiros throwing a Halloween party?  
Hunk: huh  
Hunk: really?  
Keith: yeah allura told him that hes a stick in the mud so now hes gotta prove that hes not  
Keith: said hes going to text pidge about it so youll probably hear from her too  
Hunk: right  
Keith: can you do me a favor and tell lance  
Hunk: i mean  
Hunk: i guess  
Hunk: why dont you just talk to him?  
Keith: let’s not talk about this right now  
Keith: it would just be great if you could do this for me  
Keith: and dont tell shiro or pidge or LANCE i asked you to ask him  
Hunk: oh gosh  
Hunk: okay but im not the best secret-keeper  
Hunk: ill try

            Keith let out a breath of relief. Thank God for Hunk Garrett. Shiro was more like a brother to Keith, and he definitely let his ‘Dad’ side out more, and Pidge was a good friend, but didn’t put up with his bullshit. She didn’t put up with _anyone’s_ bullshit, and she could be a bit snarky. Hunk? He was the sweetest person Keith had ever met. And yeah, he goofed off sometimes, but he was loyal as hell and Keith was glad to have become friends with him. Keith glanced at the time on his computer, darted upwards and grabbed his jacket, running out the door.  
            “Late for work?” Shiro called after him.  
            “Yeah!”

             It wasn’t the first time Keith had a surprise visit at work (that was the day Lance first spoke to him, a memory that was still just as jarring) but Pidge appeared in Beezer’s that afternoon, and she started chatting with Keith and Nyma at the counter.  
            “Oh. Hey, Pidge. What’re you doing here, I didn’t know you had a car,” Keith asked.  
            “I don’t. But there’s some really cool parts here and I’m looking into engineering a sort of mini-bot. Well, teaming up with Hunk. I’m more of a programmer.”   
            “Oh, damn, that sounds pretty cool.”  
            “How much is this?” Pidge plopped a turbine and a small motor on the counter. Keith rubbed his hand on his chin for a moment.  
            “Hmm… $100 for both. It’s mostly the turbine.” Pidge looked at them thoughtfully for a moment, then opened her mouth again.  
            “Maybe just the motor, then. Hey, I assume you know about Shiro’s Halloween party?”  
            “Yeah, I mean we _do_ live together.”  
            “Right… did you—”  
            Keith reddened, knowing exactly what Pidge was about to ask, but he was saved the embarrassment of admitting he outsourced that task by Nyma’s interruption.  
            “Ooh, party?! Can I come?” she asked, an arm around Keith’s waist. He raised an eyebrow at her, exchanged a glance with Pidge, then looked back at Nyma.  
            “Um, yeah. Sure. I’ll text you the address when it gets closer.”

            Halloween rolled around, and Lance was more than a little stressed about what to wear.  
            “See, this is why you don’t just say ‘I don’t need to buy a costume, Hunk, I’ll throw something together at home’. Because now, you’re stressing me out.”  
            “Oh please, you’re fine, you’re doing a fucking couple’s costume with Shay. That’s so grossly adorable.”  
            “You’re just jealous that you haven’t found a Princess Leia.” Lance scowled, and deliberately walked over to the bathroom just so Hunk could see the middle finger Lance was holding up.  
            “Fine, I’ll… I’ll re-use the sexy vampire from last year,” Lance muttered, more to himself than to Hunk, and he prayed that it still fit. Once Lance and Hunk were settled, they went down to Hunk’s truck, picked up Shay and Pidge (they both lived in the dorms, just in different buildings), and then went off to Shiro and Keith’s. Shiro and Allura were also doing a couple’s costume (Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask) and Lance covered a laugh before making his way over towards Keith, dressed as a werewolf, but not like a scary one, it looked more like a big fluffy cat. He was planning on going over there to talk to Keith, hopefully getting past this roadblock, and then he saw that girl from the auto-shop hanging on him. Lance felt himself blush, and instead turned towards the kitchen to talk to Shiro. “Shiro, do you have any alcohol?” Shiro raised an eyebrow at him, appearing just above his mask.  
            “Um… yeah, we have some stuff but aren’t you underage?”  
            “I’m going to be 21 this summer, come on dude! I’m just… really tense right now,” Lance admitted, glancing back towards Keith, who was speaking to Nyma in a hushed tone.  
            “Shiro, it’s a party. It’s no fun if you and I are the only ones drinking,” Allura said, before pecking Shiro on the cheek. She started unloading Shiro’s liquor—vodka, rum, Altean wine, a bit of tequila, and a nice-looking bottle of brandy that Shiro immediately picked back up and put away.  
            “Fine, have a little bit. Not my brandy, though.” Lance helped himself to a vodka lemonade, and a few other folks started drifting over.

            Keith was fussing with his fake ears while Shiro was putting his mask on, something he did not look very happy about.  
            “Did Allura rope you into _that,_ too?”  
            “She loves Halloween, apparently,” Shiro muttered. Before Keith could answer, there was a knock on the door. Keith and Shiro exchanged a look, and then Keith went to open the door. It was Nyma, dressed as a sexy devil.  
            “Happy Halloween!”  
            “Oh, hey Nyma,” Shiro said from across the room.  
            “You’re early,” Keith muttered.  
            “Am I? Sorry. Well, I brought some, ah, whiskey!” Nyma answered.  
            “Oh. Well, I don’t condone underage—” Keith punched Shiro in the arm. “Ow, what was that for?”  
            “Don’t ‘ow’ me, that’s your prosthetic arm. Drinking is going to happen, Shiro. You might as well accept it. I don’t see you batting an eye when I pilfer your beers.”  
            “You don’t listen to me,” Shiro shot back. Nyma laughed.

            The apartment began to fill, a mix of people Keith vaguely recognized from the Garrison and Allura and Shiro’s friends. It was a while before Pidge, Hunk, Lance, and Shay showed up, Lance in a ridiculous shirtless vampire getup. Nyma had helped herself to her own whiskey and was a little tipsy, dancing around Keith as Lance walked in. Keith looked at him, and looked at how he faltered when he saw her, and he shot his own eyes towards Nyma, feeling relief that Rolo wasn’t around, but also getting pretty fed up with her. “Nyma, stop. Stop this not-at-all-subtle flirting with me; you have a boyfriend and I have a soulmate and I’m…” Keith hesitated to say the last thing. He’d never said it out loud, but the whole soulmate thing had him thinking about it and maybe it was true. “I’m gay.” Nyma blinked at him.  
            “Oh. God, oh, I’m so sorry, I always do this to guys and it’s fucked up for me to do that to Rolo, and to you, and…” Tears started pooling in her eyes.  
            “Nyma, don’t… don’t cry, I didn’t say it to make you feel like a jerk. Come on, let’s talk about this outside,” Keith grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the balcony. Keith knew what Nyma’s damage was, but he doubted Rolo told her that they’d had that conversation, and he and Nyma spend over an hour having a heart-to-heart outside.

            Lance wasn’t used to being the jealous one, but it was hard not to be as Keith wandered outside with Nyma. He finished his drink, and in the time Keith was outside, Lance had a second, and a third, and a fourth, and he was pretty hammered as the night went on. Lance crossed his arms, sulking on a wall with Pidge nearby. She also had a drink in her hand, but wasn’t nearly as far gone.  
            “Lookit him out there. Whatta jerk. Why’s Keith out there with _her?_ Why can’t he stop bein’ dumb? I shoul… I shoul give him a piece a’ my mind.”  
            “You tell him, Lance,” Pidge said, a smug grin on her face.  
            “Yeah… yeah, I’m gonna tell ‘im,” Lance resolved as the balcony door slid back open. Nyma walked in first, and Lance passed her, nudging her with his shoulder. Keith was just closing the door behind him when Lance walked up. “You and me? Man. We nee ta talk,” Lance slurred, before dragging Keith back outside. “Wha is your problem with me? You- you- you never say a word, you jus’ look at me an’ you look all sullen and brooding and ATTRACTIVE and is just not fair! Did I do… somethin’ wrong? An’ you here, I mean, you invited her… uh, Nyma? I don… Keef. Why do you hate me?” Lance said, gesturing wildly.  
            Keith stood, listening to Lance’s drunken ramble. Oh no. He blushed when Lance called him attractive, gritting his teeth and not wanting to say anything, but when Lance asked that last question, Keith couldn’t contain himself anymore. He grabbed Lance’s wrist and spoke to the boy for the first time, through his teeth. “I don’t hate you, idiot!” And upon realizing what he’d just done, Keith dropped Lance’s arm, simultaneously letting out a gasp and covering his mouth. Realization also dawned on Lance’s face.  
            “What?”  
            “I don’t… hate you.”  
            “Keef… you’re my soulmate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW OKAY here u guys go  
> even tho they both know now there's still gonna be some drama and i wanted to put more happening on halloween but this felt like a good chapter length so gonna do another chapter at this party/the following day  
> i don't think i've put this here but my tumblr is blake-babeadonna.tumblr.com so plz don't be afraid to message me about this fic! i'd love to chat w/you guys <3  
> also heres a ref for lance's costume https://www.google.com/search?q=sexy+vampire+costume+male&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS732US732&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjS3Ynu5v3UAhUW9GMKHdzUDkcQ_AUICigB&biw=1366&bih=638#imgrc=KRLiSHS_sxgN_M:


	6. Halloween- Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith get close, and then they backtrack.

            Pidge waggled her eyebrows at Hunk from across the room, and upon getting his attention, nodded towards the back door where Keith and Lance were talking. He muttered something to Shay, pecked her on the cheek, then walked over to Pidge.  
            “They’re… talking?”  
            “‘bout damn time,” Pidge muttered.  
            “Is Keith… well, he must have come clean, right?”  
            Pidge shrugged. “Lance is pretty drunk though…” her voice trailed.  
            Hunk chortled. “He can handle it, if you’re worried he’s going to forget.”  
            “I just don’t want to deal with their pining bullshit again.” At this point, Shiro and Allura walked over, too, arms wrapped around each other.  
            “They’re talking?” Shiro asked.  
            “Yeah, I know, I said the same thing,” Hunk murmured.  
            “Maybe… we shouldn’t all be watching,” Allura said.  
            “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Shiro agreed, but still, nobody shifted an inch, everyone very curious as to how the boys were going to react to the realization, until Shay came over to drag Hunk away.  
            “Okay, enough, you,” she said. “I would much prefer it if you were dancing with me.” Hunk grinned at her.  
            “Well that is an offer I can’t refuse,” he said, and tucked his arm around Shay’s waist before swaying away with her. Shiro let out a small laugh.  
            “Those two are pretty dang cute.”  
            “Might even give _us_ a run for our money,” Allura smiled.  
            “Ugh,” Pidge muttered to herself, “couples.”

           “You’re my soulmate. You said th… you said the thing.” Keith was blushing furiously, but now that it was out in the open, he knew he had to answer Lance.  
            “Yeah, I… I know. I’ve known since that day you came into the shop with Hunk.” Lance’s eyes widened.  
            “You knew? Why didn’ you say somethin’ sooner? Ohhh, were you embarrassed?” Lance drunkenly teased. Keith flushed even redder, if that was even possible.  
            “No…”  
            “You totally were!”  
            “Okay so maybe I was… do you think this is easy for me?”  
            “Pfft, do _youou_ think this is easy for me?!”  
            “Yes!”  
            “Wahat… why do you say that?”  
            Keith huffed. “Because you’re actually, like good at talking to people? You know how to flirt? I… I’ve never had that kind of confidence talking to girls, let alone guys, and since I figured out you were my soulmate, it made me think that it might just be that I’m gay. You’re comfortable calling yourself bi.”  
            “Ohhh yeahhhh… same-gender stuff gets _reallll_ tough to, uh, deal wit,” Lance muttered. “I din’t wanna say anythin’ either but I always did kinda find you attractive.”  
            “Why didn’t _you_ say anything, then?” Keith bit back. “Wait… always?”  
            Lance nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, yeah, since when I firs’ saw you, in tha’ creative writing class.” Keith winced. He still didn’t have anything for his workshop piece. “Wouldn’ say anythin’ though…”  
            “Because you thought I hated you.”  
            “Because I thought you hated me! Hey, hey Keith, let’s go tell Hunk and Pidge!”  
            “Uhh… they might already know. Shiro, too.” Lance didn’t say anything, just made a noise of mild confusion. “I know! I know, okay? I needed someone to talk to about it.”  
            “So you guyssss… you all knew? An’ none a them tol’ me? Well, I guesh… none of their business? I don’ care, I jus’ wanna dance with you, you fuckin' cutie. Also! I need anudder drink, an’, an’, you shoul’ have one, too.” Lance grinned, and Keith finally broke his stoic expression and gave Lance a small smile back.  
            “Well I don’t know about that, but, uh, I can dance, maybe…?” Lance took this as a win and tugged Keith back inside. “My Type” was playing, and Lance bounced on his feet next to Keith, draping one arm over Keith’s shoulder, and Keith started trying to move to the rhythm as well. “You’re too tense,” Lance muttered, wrapping his other arm around Keith so they were both on either shoulder, and the two were face to face. “Ya gotta… loosen up a bit.” Keith didn’t know what to do with his hands, and very cautiously placed them both on the small of Lance’s back. And the two kind of just, moved, together. It wasn’t a slow song, but they were definitely dancing like a couple. Keith had to remind himself to breathe. He’d never been so close to anyone. Lance’s hands kept brushing against the back of his neck, and Keith’s breath hitched every time. And, was he imagining things, or was Lance getting closer to him? No, Lance was _definitely_ getting closer to him. “This can be our song,” Lance muttered. Did he hear that right? That couldn’t be right.  
            “This song is about a guy who sees everybody as his type, so, yeah, that’s you.”  
            “No, shut up, _you’re_ my type.” Okay, so if Lance’s inhibitions about his sexuality were what kept him from being so forward with guys, then it made sense that he was being like that, since the alcohol made him drop his guard. But still, Keith had no idea how to handle it. They were practically nose to nose, the song coming to a close, and Lance was still tilting his head closer, lips inches away. Lance closed his eyes, waiting for the moment, his heart hammering in his chest, and then… and then Keith was gone; he’d pulled away, both of them turning a funny shade of pink.  
            “I, uh… I’ll get those drinks,” Keith muttered. He could see Pidge barely stifling laughter and Shiro, with that ‘proud dad’ look standing in the kitchen.  
            “Getting pretty close there, huh?” Pidge smirked.  
            “Hey, don’t get too lofty there, don’t forget I have dirt too,” Keith said, even though he wouldn’t dream of betraying Pidge’s secret. Shiro looked mildly puzzled by that comment, simply raising an eyebrow at them. Keith glanced over at him. “I don’t even want to hear it from you.”  
            “No, no, I think it’s a good thing. You don’t have to deal with this big heavy secret anymore.”  
            Keith sighed. “Okay. Hey, do you know what he was drinking?”  
            “Vodka lemonade,” Pidge and Shiro said in unison.  
            “But, uh, go easy on the vodka, pal, he’s already had a few,” Shiro said. Keith pursed his lips as he mixed the drink, and then pulled a beer from the fridge for himself.

             The party went on, the apartment emptied, and soon it was just Shiro, Lance, and Keith, sitting on the couch. Keith was highly aware of Lance’s knee touching his, and Lance’s head on his shoulder, and how affection Lance was being, already. It wasn’t exactly off-putting, but it was unusual. Shiro stood from the couch and stretched himself out. “Well, I think I’m gonna get to bed. Don’t get up to too much trouble out here,” he said, partially joking, but still with a note of seriousness before he wandered towards the back of the apartment and into the bedroom.  
            “Are you tired?” Lance muttered, still not totally sobered up. He’d finished the drink Keith mixed for him after their first dance, plus one more, bringing the grand total for the night up to 6.  
            “A bit. Are you?”  
            “Mhm… oh shit!” Lance sat bolt upright.  
            “What? Oh…” Keith realized the dilemma. “Hunk left you here.”  
            “ ‘s fine… “  
            “Well…” Keith pondered for a moment. “I could give you a ride.”  
            “Could you?”  
            “How do you feel about motorcycles?”  
            Lance made an unsure expression. “Dunno. Never ridden one.”  
            “That…might not be a good idea, then,” Keith muttered. He didn’t want to point out that Lance was still drunk. “Hmm. Why don’t you just… hmm.”  
            “What?”  
            “You could stay here tonight?”  
            “Movin’ a li’l fast, doncha think?” Lance grinned. When Keith’s eyes widened, Lance overcorrected. “I’m kidding! Was joke… can’t believe Hunk left me here.”  
            “He probably wanted some alone time with Shay,” Keith muttered.  
            “Yeahhh,” Lance rolled his head back into Keith’s shoulder. Keith couldn’t help but glance over at him. His, uh, costume left little to the imagination. It was just a little cape and black boxer-briefs with a snap-on bat over the crotch. There were fake teeth that had long since been abandoned, and dried fake blood dripping down Lance’s chin, but even when he was a tired drunken mess, there was no taking away from the fact that Lance was attractive. He was also shirtless, which wasn’t helping with Keith’s current emotional state (which was, in a word, overwhelmed). Finally, Keith took a deep breath, and hoisted Lance up.  
            “Okay, time for bed.”  
            “Wai, bu… I dun have a toofbrush or any ‘f my…” Even drunk, Lance thought better of mentioning his morning routine. It was… a lot. “I don’ have any clothes.” Shit, Keith hadn’t thought of that.  
            “Oh, um. I have some stuff you can borrow,” he muttered. So much was happening in one night.

             With some effort, Keith got Lance cleaned up, and then started going through his dresser to find some pajamas for him. Lance was sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling with a dazed smile on his face. Keith came over with a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and boxers. “Here.”  
            Lance went through the pile. “You’rer… lendin’ me boxers?” Fuck, was that weird?  
            “You’re not going commando in my sweats. Keep the underwear, if you want.”  
            “Ohh, we’re sharing clothes already?”  
            “Shut _up._ ” Keith returned to his dresser, making a point not to turn around while Lance’s pants were off. “Fuck,” he muttered, trying to stay quiet for Shiro, who’d passed out pretty quickly.  
            “Wha’s wrong?”  
            “Can’t find another clean t-shirt. Not that I usually use them as pajamas,” he muttered, hoping Lance didn’t hear him.  
            “Keef. Do you sleep without a shirt on?” Lance said, an eager note in his voice.  
            “Shhh,” he nodded towards Shiro. “Yes, I typically do.”  
            “Well you dun have to do somethin’ different jus’ for me.” Keith had a feeling this was a ploy just for Lance to see him shirtless, but he went along with it anyway and took his shirt off, feeling Lance’s eyes on him as he did so. “God dammit,” he heard Lance mutter behind him, and he couldn’t help but feel the slight confidence boost. He sat down on the bed next to Lance and the two just looked at each other, until Keith frowned at Lance.  
            “Are you going to lay down, or what?”  
            “Right,” Lance said, pulling the covers back and crawling underneath them. Keith was glad to have a full bed, because there was enough room for both of them to actually get comfortable. “G’night,” Lance whispered. Lance fell asleep first, but Keith laid there for a while, thinking about his current situation. There was a cute guy in his bed—there was his SOULMATE in his bed. And very tentatively, Keith draped one arm over Lance, and pressed his face into Lance’s hair, and fell asleep, being the big spoon.

             Keith woke up calmly, considering he wasn’t alone in his bed. He took a few slow breaths before slowly inching away from Lance. He desperately needed some coffee, just to process what was happening. On his way out of the bedroom, he spotted the wild plume of white hair from Shiro’s bed. So Allura spent the night, too. He was suddenly very grateful nothing happened, with either couple.  
            Shiro was waiting for him in the kitchen. Well, not waiting, persay, but sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him as he fussed with his prosthetic.  
            “Arm problems?” Keith asked.  
            “Elbow joint is locking up.”  
            “Mm.”  
            Shiro cleared his throat. “So, uh, what was Lance doing in your bed this morning?” Keith froze. The was the second time he did that because of Shiro calling him out. Keith faltered.  
            “What was… what was Allura doing in _your_ bed?”  
            “She’s my girlfriend?”  
            Keith faltered again. “Uh! He was drunk, okay? Hunk left him here, the bike would have made him vomit; letting him stay here was the right thing to do. Right?”  
            “No, not letting him drink so much was the right thing to do.”  
            “Okay well I wasn’t around for the first four drinks.” Shiro frowned at him. “Listen, can we just… not talk about this right now? Or, not fight about it, anyway. I will talk to you next time someone needs to spend the night.”  
            “It’s not that; he could have slept on the couch.”  
            “Well maybe I wanted him in the bed with me,” Keith said under his breath. Oh. _Oh._ Okay.  
            “What?” Shiro asked. Keith didn’t want to say it louder. At that moment, the bedroom door creaked open and Lance appeared, rubbing his eyes.  
            “Hey, thanks for letting me crash here,” he said, more directed at Keith than Shiro.  
            “Oh, yeah, no problem. So, uh, do you want a ride home?” Keith asked.  
            “No… I was just going to call an Uber.”  
            “Are you sure? I can…”  
            “Really, it’s fine, I wouldn’t want to trouble you.” There was something about the way he was talking that Keith had to ask.  
            “Lance, do you… do you remember what we talked about last night?”  
            “Hmm… hmm… nope!”  
            Fuck. Of course. He’d been fucking drunk. “What! We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!”  
            “Nooooope, don’t remember, didn’t happen.” Keith scowled furiously. All that progress, gone. “Shiro! Is that your arm? I didn’t know you had a prosthetic.” Shiro glanced at Lance uncomfortably.  
            “Uh, yeah, sorry. Was just fixing it. I don’t usually take it off.”  
            “Kind of rude to point out,” Keith said, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. He was _so pissed_ Lance didn’t remember anything that happened.  
            “Yeah… sorry,” Lance muttered. “Uh, my ride’s here, so I gotta… uh. Bye.” He stared at Keith for a moment, who didn’t so much as wave goodbye, and then Lance set his jaw and left, letting the door slam behind him. Fuck. Why did he tell Keith he didn’t remember? He remembered everything; the talk, the dancing, the almost kiss, the spooning. And fuck, Keith was shirtless next to him, all night. Lance rapped his knuckles against his own head. “Stupid internalized biphobia! God damn it!” Back to square one they went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i am having so much fun writing this you have no idea  
> here's the song btw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWc2X8fSuc if you haven't heard of saint motel go listen to them they're awesome i've been in love since i heard them open for P!ATD


	7. The One Where Pidge Fixes Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge texts the boys.

 

            Pidge: so how was the rest of your night?  
            Keith: did you and hunk leave him here on purpose?  
            Pidge: pff yeah actually  
            Pidge: figured you two were doing pretty well with your emotions yesterday  
            Keith: yeah well it doesnt matter   
            Keith: apparently he forgot EVERYTHING from last night  
            Pidge: youre fucking with me right?  
            Keith: i wish  
            Keith: a lot happened  
            Pidge: saw some of the talking  
            Keith: yeah well  
            Keith: i kind of finally came out to myself?  
            Pidge: huh???  
            Keith: okay so i always told myself girls werent interested in me because like why date around when you know you have a soulmate out there somewhere?  
            Keith: but really i think i just wasnt interested in girls and found some kind of reason to justify it  
            Keith: while at the same time denying to myself that i thought some guys, sometimes, were attractive  
            Keith: so when i realized lance was my soulmate i was dealing with that and i finally said the words ‘im gay’ out loud to nyma, and to lance later  
            Keith: anyway it doesnt matter he said he didnt remember anything this morning  
            Keith: and i dont know if i have the courage to bring it up again  
            Pidge: okay wait hold on  
            Keith: dont text him  
            Pidge: what do you think im an idiot or something?  
            Pidge: im trying to help  
            Keith: god sorry  
            Keith: fine do whatever you do                     

            Pidge: lance mcclain you absolute idiot  
            Lance: what did i do now?!  
            Pidge: you got yourself wasted last night and shattered that boys heart  
            Lance: oh  
            Lance: oh no  
            Lance: were you talking to keith?  
            Lance: did he tell you i forgot about last night?  
            Pidge: um  
            Pidge: didnt you?  
            Lance: how could i forget?  
            Lance: how could i forget keith motherfucking kogane is my soulmate?  
            Lance: he called me on it and i panicked and i lied  
            Pidge: wait  
            Pidge: you did what??  
            Pidge: you and keith almost kissed at that fucking party and you told him you didn’t remember any of it?!  
            Lance: i know i know i know!  
            Lance: listen im not as confident as i come off and have a lot of issues with same-gender attraction and i guess once i sobered up all i could think about was how disappointed mama would be if i went home and told her my soulmate was another guy  
            Pidge: YOUR SOULMATE *IS* ANOTHER GUY  
            Lance: I KNOW THAT  
            Pidge: lance can i ask you something personal?  
            Lance: …  
            Lance: sure  
            Pidge: are you out to your family?  
            Lance: not… not entirely  
            Lance: just my older sister  
            Lance: i can feel your annoyance through the phone omg  
            Pidge: not at that, just  
            Pidge: ugh, you and keith are gonna go back to staring longingly at each other without actually doing anything about it  
            Lance: why do you have such a problem with that?  
            Pidge: at first it was just kind of insufferable but honestly its because youre both my friends and i want both of you to stop being dumb and start being happy  
            Pidge: which kind of means you have to address this fucking problem!  
            Lance: alright alright well  
            Lance: i cant tell him i remember  
            Lance: not yet anyway  
            Pidge: lance…  
            Lance: i promise i will come clean about it! i think i need to come out to the rest of my family first and im not going to be there until christmas time  
            Pidge: so what are you going to do in the meantime  
            Lance: what do you mean  
            Pidge: lance you need to do SOMETHING  
            Pidge: just,  
            Pidge: ask keith on a date  
            Lance: WHAT  
            Pidge: he’s your SOULMATE hes going to say yes  
            Lance: uuuuughghhhghhh  
            Pidge: text him at least, heres his number  
**Pidge has sent contact: Keith  
**             Lance: FINE

            Pidge: and incoming in 3  
            Keith: pidge  
            Pidge: 2  
            Keith: what did you do  
            Pidge: 1

            Lance: heeeeeeyyyyyyy  
            Keith: lance?  
            Lance: yeah  
            Keith: oh  
            Keith: uh  
            Keith: hi  
            Lance: hi  
            Lance: um  
            Keith: …  
    

            Lance: this is so awkward  
            Pidge: just do it!

            Lance: soooooo  
            Lance: would you be interested in  
            Lance: maybe  
            Lance: going on a date or something?  
            Keith: im sorry what  
            Lance: listen i uh  
            Lance: i think youre pretty cute and i wanna go to dinner with you  
            Keith: i, uh  
            Lance: come on itll be great  
            Lance: ill even be the gentleman and pay for dinner  
            Lance: to make up for you helping me out last night  
            Keith: i was just doing the right thing  
            Lance: how chivalrous  
            Keith: im going to jump into the phone and smack you  
            Lance: right, okay, we dont have to go out  
            Keith: no no no its fine  
            Keith: we’ll go dutch tho you dont need to pay for the whole thing

            Keith: oh fuck he just asked me on a date  
            Pidge: good

            Lance: oh fuck he said yes to the date  
            Pidge: good  
            Lance: oh mannnnnnn  
            Pidge: i thought you liked him this should be a good thing  
            Lance: pidge you dont get it  
            Pidge: i understand more than you think i do  
            Pidge: im tired of you guys treating me like i dont understand because im a few years younger  
            Lance: i meant the romance stuff  
            Lance: you said yourself you dont get the appeal or something  
            Pidge: right  
            Pidge: thats complicated too  
            Pidge: but ill tell you about it later thats not what we’re talking about right now

            Keith: i have no idea what im doing right now omg  
            Keith: hes flirting with me why is he flirting with me  
            Pidge: um because he likes you?  
            Keith: yeah but if he doesnt think we’re  
            Pidge: keith people can have crushes on people without knowing about their soulmate  
            Keith: ah this is just  
            Keith: weird and new  
            Pidge: weird and new in a good way?  
            Keith: um  
            Keith: um  
            Keith: yes

            Keith: so uh  
            Keith: did you have a particular night in mind?  
            Lance: ummm  
            Lance: is friday good?  
            Keith: friday is fine  
            Keith: im not working so  
            Lance: okay  
            Lance: i know this great italian place near the theater  
            Lance: maybe we could catch a movie afterwards  
            Keith: dinner and a movie  
            Keith: somehow i didnt think youd be so cliche  
            Keith: but yeah that sounds good  
            Keith: i can pick you up  
            Lance: okay uh  
            Lance: cool

            Lance: oh my god  
            Lance: we’re going out on Friday  
            Pidge: and to think you werent going to say anything  
            Lance: yes alright thank you pidge savior of my relationship you have knocked the sense into me  
            Pidge: youre welcome :P

            Keith: we have a date  
            Keith: on friday  
            Keith: what sort of magic did you work on him?  
            Pidge: its called a mature adult conversation  
            Pidge: you two ought to try it sometime  
            Keith: okay har dee har  
            Pidge: really though he liked you before last night so i cant say i really did much other than tell him to talk to you  
            Keith: well thanks  
            Keith: can i ask you one more favor?  
            Pidge: what  
            Keith: okay im like wildly afraid im gonna chicken out or something  
            Keith: can you like  
            Keith: come over beforehand or something?  
            Pidge: why cant you just talk to shiro or something  
            Keith: he’ll tell me not to go if im uncomfortable or something  
            Keith: or he’ll be out with allura both are equally possible  
            Pidge: man theyve been together for years is he gonna pop the question or something?  
            Keith: probably not any time soon  
            Keith: but honestly he might move in with her  
            Keith: he hasnt said anything to me but i know hes thinking about it  
            Pidge: probably wants to make sure you have someone else as a roommate for rent-related reasons before he goes  
            Keith: probably  
            Pidge: but yeah sure friday ill be there  
            Pidge: what would you two do without me  
            Keith: crash and burn probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this chapter is shorter than usual but also formatted differently, i thought it might be fun to mess around with.  
> also i did a full outline and it looks like this fic is gonna be ~15 chapters so we're about half done!


	8. Workshopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith isn't sure how to feel about his creative writing class.

            Keith opened his computer to an email from Coran.

             _Keith,_  
_I wanted to see how your workshop piece is coming along. As you are aware, your workshop is this Thursday. Remember that revision is optional. Please don’t feel pressured to change your piece too much! I quite enjoy the current iteration. If you need any help, feel free to drop by my office.  
__\- Coran_

            Keith slumped down into his desk chair, running his hands through his hair. Ever since he’d started hanging out with Pidge and Hunk more, he was questioning his own intelligence. Had it really been the best move to drop the majority of his classes? Hearing Hunk and Lance talk about being half-done with school and talking about what they were doing with their future made him feel self-conscious about just, working in a garage forever. He loved the garage, but… was that a career? And if he was going to talk to Coran _anyway,_ (which he was since the piece he submitted was… not great; he wasn’t the most creative type) then he supposed he would take Allura’s suggestion to heart and talk to Coran about staying in school. All this was on his mind in _addition_ to his upcoming date with Lance, thanks to Pidge being a bit of a meddler. Well, he supposed he was grateful. The, uh, situation after the Halloween party was a lot to process mentally, and Keith was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by the speed at which his life was accelerating. He let out a small groan, then grabbed his bag and headed towards the door. Shiro looked up at him puzzledly.  
            “Rolo call?”  
            “No, I got an email from Coran,” Keith murmured, not totally hiding his frustration. “Gotta head over.”  
            “You gonna talk to him about going back to full-time?”  
            Keith grumbled. “Maybe… it’s more about that writing piece, though.”  
            “Ah. Well let me know how it goes.”  
            Keith let out a sigh. “Do you ever feel like, totally outclassed by the people around you?” Shiro glanced up at the younger boy, and patted the seat next to him. Keith flopped into it. “It’s just, like, Pidge is basically a genius. It wouldn’t surprise me if she graduated early. She and Hunk are working on this robot thing and she’s doing like, all the programming? And Hunk’s really smart, too. I mean, he’s studying engineering and probably has the skill to be a professional chef if he wanted to. Lance is a physics major, Shay’s an archaeology major… they’re all so driven. And then there’s me. I don’t think I’m _dumb_ or anything, but I’m just… vaguely average, and I’m not creative and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’m a college dropout who spends time just… working on cars. Even if I do start going to school again, what am I supposed to study?”  
            Shiro chuckled to himself, earning a scowl from Keith. “Sorry, it’s not funny. But I get it. I feel outdone all the time. My girlfriend can lift me with one arm and she’s out there shaping kids’ futures. I went over to the school to pick her up once and all the parents were telling me how much they love ‘Miss Brooks’. Even Slav. And by God do I hate Slav.”  
            “Shiro, you work for Child Protective Services, you think you’re not out there changing lives too? Do you know how much I wish I had someone like you in my life when I was 12?” Keith said angrily. Shiro looked a bit embarrassed, realizing he hadn’t really thought the comment through. It was still a heavy topic.  
            “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. All I mean is that everyone can feel a little outdone sometimes. The important thing isn’t what you do, it’s having a passion for what you do. And if that’s what being a mechanic gives you, then pursue it. I’m sure there’s trade schools around.” Keith sank down a bit, rubbing the back of his neck with both hands, not saying anything for a moment. “Just… take your time, talk to Coran, figure it out.”  
            “I mean…” Keith murmured. “I love working on my bike, but I don’t know if… I don’t know if I’d want that to be my job.” He huffed as he stood up again. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out,” he said, already vaguely having something in mind. “I gotta go.”

            As per usual when he was in a bad mood, Keith took the long route to campus. Red rumbled beneath him, and he couldn’t help but smirk at nothing in particular as he made the sharp turn into the parking lot. There was something satisfying about the scrape of gravel under the tires, but his grin was gone before he so much as walked into the building, let alone walked into Coran’s office. He rapped his knuckles lightly on the door, then walked in slowly as Coran looked up at him and a smile spread across his face. “Keith! I’m glad you came in.”  
            “Yeah, I saw your email about my revisions. Uh, I actually just wanted to write a new piece because I wasn’t really happy with my submission. Having trouble coming up with something else, though.”  
            “Ah, I see.”  
            “Do you, uh, have any writing tips?” Keith asked, feeling mildly embarrassed. He wasn’t as book-smart as the others but he wasn’t the most creative guy either. Coran twirled his mustache with a finger for a moment.  
            “What is it you’re having trouble with?”  
            “I guess making the setting interesting and unique.”  
            “I don’t think you should push yourself into writing something you’re uncomfortable with; don’t worry about world-building or being ‘different’. Just… write what’s in your heart.” Keith raised an eyebrow. “It sounds cheesy but it’s true! They say ‘write what you know’ for a reason.”  
            “What do you write about?”  
            “Where I’m from, mostly. It’s been kind of… taken over. Hard to go back, and I miss it terribly.”  
            “Something you love?”   
           “Yeah, something you love,” Coran echoed. This definitely got Keith thinking.  
            “Uh. Okay. Thanks.”  
            “Any time!”  
            Keith started to stand up, and then he remembered his conversation with Shiro. “Uh. Coran. Allura told me you’re an academic advisor as well?”  
            “Oh, you know Allura?”  
            “Yeah, I’m, uh… her boyfriend is my roommate.”  
            “Ha! Small world.”  
            “Tell me about it,” Keith murmured under his breath.  
            “Well, yes, I am. Did you have something else you wanted to talk about?” Keith pursed his lips for a moment, thinking the whole thing over in his mind.  
            “What do I need to do to get a Bachelor’s in Social Work?”

            The conversation with Coran was long and overwhelming and it made Keith want to head to the gym instead of go right back home, so that was what he did. He changed into his shorts, tied his hair into a tiny little ponytail, and practiced on the boxing bag that was in the window. He knew he’d have to head back and write his piece if he wanted to get it to Coran in time (he had to print them out for the class by Tuesday so they could all read it by Thursday) but getting some boxing in really alleviated some stress.  
  

           “I’m just saying, you should put a speaker in it, put some music in the data stream or whatever.”  
            “Lance this isn’t some ‘DJ Roomba’ shit,” Pidge snipped at him. They were walking from the student center back to Hunk’s truck to work on their robot project. Lance just needed a ride home. And he couldn’t help but wonder why they weren’t just going to Pidge’s dorm, too. She was always so secretive about it.  
            “Oh man, that would be _awesome,_ though,” Hunk said.  
            “Pidge, use your hacking powers for good!”  
            “I hacked into the Dining Commons menu planning stuff last night and added tater tots every day for a month!”  
            “ _My_ point is, you two are just fucking around with what you’re capable of building _anyway_ , why not have some fun with it?” Lance insisted.  
            “That’s a fair point,” Pidge answered, but Lance wasn’t paying attention anymore. He’d spotted Keith through the glass wall of the gym.  
            “His hair is in a ponytail, oh my God,” Lance muttered. “The tiniest little mullet ponytail.” It apparently wasn’t quiet enough, because immediately, Hunk let out a small chuckle (as small as Hunk’s laughs got) and repeated;  
            “Ponytail.” Lance looked back at his friends, cheeks reddening.  
            “Shut _up._ ”  
            “You’d make it a _lot_ easier on yourself if you’d just talk to him.”  
            “Pidge, you already got me to ask him out.”  
            “You… asked Keith out?” Hunk asked. “That’s big, dude. Nice job.” Lance smiled a bit at that comment. It was kind of a significant moment, wasn’t it? Lance had never asked out a guy before.

            Keith let out a long sigh when he got back to the apartment. Shiro must have gone to work. He’d been talking about a pretty tough case involving an abusive older brother and swords. That was fine; Keith didn’t need Shiro on his back about that conversation with Coran anyway. He opened his laptop and started writing his piece before he himself had to go to work. He thought about what Coran said, took a deep breath, and started typing.

_Ocean Boy_

_It’s like he crawled out of the water just to see me. Curling waves roaring in the distance, the seafoam gathering around his waist. His waist, that tapers into a shimmering green-blue tail covered in iridescent scales. Wait. That’s not right. The water pushed him onto the beach, panic growing in his eyes. I glance around. Has nobody else noticed this? I rush over to him, bare feet padding through the sand, splashing through the shallow water and kneel next to him as his darting eyes fixate on me. A cool blue, laughter lines in the corners, perfect crinkles in his bronze skin. I ask him if he needs help. He says he got beached. He says he needs to get further out to sea. I peel my shirt off and discard it, not really caring if it got swallowed by the sea, and offer him my hands. We clasp our arms together as I pull the poor merman into the water, until it’s up to my waist. He flops over, twisting until he’s on his back in the water. He slaps his tail on the surface, smiling up at me, and he says thank you. I nod at him. He asks me if I want to keep swimming with him. I tell him yes, and walk until my feet can’t reach the sea floor anymore. He grins at me again and puts an arm around me, pulling me out further and further. The shore fades in the distance and I begin to panic. I ask what he’s doing, where he’s taking me. He laughs a sharp laugh, the sound ringing like daggers in my ear, and says that not all sirens can sing. And then we dive down. I’m being dragged, away from everything I know, away from everything that’s familiar, by this beautiful ocean boy, and as I sink into the abyss and feel myself suffocate, I realize something about myself. And instead of everything turning dark, there’s a pair of lips on mine, and light is streaming through the water again. I open my eyes and there he is, in front of me, and I look down, and see something indescribable swirling around my legs, and then they’re not legs. They’re one, and it’s a tail, a shiny red tail. I look up at him, and he smiles and takes my hand, and says that he thinks I’m too perfect to let me drown. My heart thuds heavily in my chest, but some part of me wants to stay with him._

            Keith sighed, but this was not a sigh of exasperation, it was a sigh of satisfaction. He actually kind of liked what he wrote, and with one more click, sent it to the printer. The machine whirred up from Shiro’s desk, and Keith picked up the paper, reading over it again. A piece about someone he… well, ‘love’ was a strong word, but he had feelings for. It was definitely about Lance, and something about the ocean also made him think of Lance. And then Keith realized what a position that put him in. He couldn’t submit this; Lance couldn’t read this! He slid the paper into his desk drawer and emailed Coran to say he just wanted to use the original piece.

            And of course, Lance’s workshop was the next day. He’d written a wonderful short poem about his family and his home and Keith got the impression that this was what Coran meant when he said he wrote about his home, and something that left an impression.

 

_Home_

_Spices waft through the air_  
_Mama’s cooking fills a table set for 9_  
_The walls are covered with sticky fingerprints_  
_I’m there_

 _A needle constantly running through fabric_  
_Held by Abuela’s shaky hand_  
_Handstitched quilts pile on my bed_  
_I’m there_

 _Clothes fresh from the dryer_  
_The pluck of guitar strings_  
_Humming along together_  
_I’m there_

 _Twins getting older_  
_Birthdays and holidays passing by_  
_The world spins by so fast_  
_I'm not there_

              Keith set the paper down as they discussed the piece in class, and for all the people saying it felt a bit cliché, there were just as many people giving it praise. Keith couldn’t help but suddenly feel very self-conscious about his own writing, and it was only amplified by Coran’s parting words. “Here’s the pieces for next class. We have Keith’s and… Jason’s. Alright, see you Thursday!” Keith gathered his belongings and fell in step with Lance and Pidge, Hunk walking behind then as they left.  
            “I really liked your poem,” Keith muttered to Lance.  
            “Oh, really? I don’t know, wasn’t my best. But I’m looking forward to reading your piece.”  
            “It’s nothing special.” And it was true, it wasn’t. Nobody really hated it when it was time for Keith’s workshop, but nobody really seemed blown away by it. It was something he’d thrown together about riding cross-country on his motorcycle and just exploring new places. Which was definitely something Keith wanted to do, but… ugh, he had complicated feelings about not submitting his other piece. But it was too late now. The reaction was lackluster and that was about what he expected, and then Lance spoke up.  
            “I don’t know, I think you can really see what the narrator values here. It sounds like he really loves his bike, and taking chances and making new experiences for himself. Even if the writing isn’t the most ‘purple prose’ articulate kind of stuff, I enjoy it in its simplicity.”  
            “I actually agree with Lance,” Coran said, much to Keith’s surprise. Still, Keith couldn’t help but think about the other writing piece, hidden away in his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith your writing is telling you something
> 
> okay next chap is the date!


	9. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith & Lance have their first date.

            “So, date tonight, huh?” Shiro asked from where he was sitting on his bed. Keith scowled at him, but it was more out of embarrassment than anger. “I’ll take that as a yes.”  
            “Yes, and I’m very nervous and kind of have a lot of other things on my mind too,” Keith grumbled.  
            “Oh yeah. I didn’t get a chance to ask, how’d your meeting with Coran go?”  
            “Can we not talk about this right now?” Shiro was quiet for a moment, and just nodded at Keith.  
            “Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.”  
            “It’s… fine.” Keith let out a sigh. “I… told him I want to go back to being a full-time student.”  
            “Oh,” Shiro muttered, trying not to show his surprise. “What did Coran have to say about that?”  
            “Gave me a list of classes I still need to take. He said it might take me an extra semester, but he also said it might not be a bad idea for me to stretch that into another year so I’m not pulled between class and work too much. I dunno, it was a stressful conversation.” Shiro just hummed while Keith fretted over his date. “Black or red?” he asked, holding up two identical t-shirts.  
            “Never thought you’d be the type to worry so much about this.”  
            “I’ve never been on a date before, Shiro. Give me a break,” Keith huffed, tossing the red shirt aside and pulling the black one on. He suddenly felt more comfortable. He hadn’t been shirtless around Shiro since the day he got his tattoo. “Maybe the red flannel, then,” Keith muttered to himself.  
            “Flannels. Super classy,” Pidge’s voice came from the bedroom door.  
            “Pidge, who even let you in here?”  
            “Your door was unlocked,” she answered.  
            “Pidge came over because I’m worried I’m going to panic and bail,” Keith answered the unasked question on Shiro’s face. “God. I can’t do this.”  
            “If you don’t want to go, don’t go,” Shiro said, which was exactly the kind of response that Keith expected. Pidge rolled her eyes.  
            “Don’t listen to him.”  
            “Shiro, it’s not even that I don’t want to go, I’m just…”  
            “Nervous?” Shiro cocked an eyebrow upward, he and Pidge exchanging a glance.  
            “Yeah!” Keith blurted. “Yes. I’m nervous. Took me too long to realize that I really like Lance. What if I say something stupid? What if I—”  
            “Keith, you’re a smart dude,” Pidge said, to which Keith gave a short shake of his head, but she ignored him, “but you somehow seem to keep missing the key factor here. Soulmates. You and Lance are destined to end up together, right?”  
            “Not necessarily,” Shiro said. Both Keith and Pidge turned in surprise. “Soulmates aside, some people think they’re too incompatible. Some people find their soulmates after they’re already dating, or engaged, or married. Some people never meet their soulmates.” Pidge grimaced, and Keith rubbed the back of his head.  
            “Yeah, Rolo was telling me that he had a soulmate he never met, the letters all struck out…” he muttered. Shiro paused for a moment, clearing his throat.  
            “No wonder the guy had issues.”  
            “What are you guys talking about?” Pidge asked.  
            “Rolo… this guy I work with… he has his tattoo but it’s all grey and crossed out and he told me that it means his soulmate died. So the universe doesn’t have it all worked out and it’s not going to be that easy,” Keith explained, trying not to let the tone of bitterness overtake his voice.  
            “Relationships never are,” Shiro echoed. “It’s gonna be some work.” Pidge slumped over a bit, clearly wanting to talk about something, but she seemed to decide it wasn’t a good time. Instead, she walked over to Keith.  
            “Okay, well, you’ve got to relax a little bit.” She tugged on the flannel that Keith’d thrown on over his t-shirt, and reached up to fluff his hair. Keith flinched for a moment, then let her fuss over him for a moment, although it was odd coming from Pidge.  
            “What’re you doing?”  
            “Told you, I have an eye for aesthetic. And I know Lance, so just trust me.” Keith’s phone buzzed from on top of the dresser. His eyes flitted towards it. “And don’t even think about looking at that right now.” Pidge took another moment to play with Keith’s hair, and then stepped back. “There.” As soon as she moved away, Keith lunged towards his phone.

Lance: cant wait for tonight O3<

            Keith nearly dropped his phone. “I can’t do this. He typed a kissy face. I’m gonna tell him I can’t—” As he started typing, Pidge tackled him.   
            “Stop typing!!”  
            “Get off me, you little gremlin!”  
            “I am _not_ a gremlin!”  
            After a few moments of wrestling and a few keysmash texts accidentally getting sent to Lance, Shiro finally had to step in to separate the two.  
            “That’s enough, you guys,” he said. Pidge snatched Keith’s phone from the ground and rolled off him. Keith grunted and stood up.  
            “That was so unnecessa—WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING HIM?”  
            “Just get your butt downstairs and go pick up your man.”  
            “Pidge, if I get through tonight without imploding from embarrassment, I’m going to come back here and kick your ass.”  
            “Pfft. You know you love me,” Pidge answered, tossing Keith his phone. He headed out to the parking lot and revved up Red.

            Lance was a complete and utter mess as he got ready for his date with Keith. He’d thrown about half of the contents of his closet on the floor of the bedroom, had doubled down on his moisturizing routine, and brushed his teeth more times than he thought was even healthy.  
            “Huuuuuunk, I don’t know what to wear!” Lance called. He heard the oven door close before Hunk walked into the bedroom. “What’re you making?”  
            “Red Velvet cupcakes. Shay’s favorite,” Hunk said, a blithe smile on his face. “She’s coming over later.”  
            Lance didn’t answer for a moment, and then flopped onto his bed. “Help me.”  
            “I don’t think you need to worry so much, Lance. Keith likes you. That’s not going to change because of what you wear.”  
            “Ughhhghghghhhh,” Lance groaned. Hunk crossed the room and started going through Lance’s closet before pulling a light, pastel-blue button down out and tossing it at Lance.  
            “Here.”  
            “I already tried that one,” Lance said, his voice muffled by the pillow he was considering suffocating himself with.  
            “‘I need help Hunk, no not like that.’”  
            Lance pulled himself up. “Fine,” he conceded as he put the shirt on, doing up all the buttons. “I feel like a stiff.”  
            “How formal is this?”  
            “I don’t know, it’s dinner and a movie.” Lance undid a couple buttons and pushed the sleeves back. “Better?”  
            “Yeah.”  
            “Okay. I’m going to text him. …what should I text him.”  
            “I’m not good at this stuff, Lance. You’re asking the wrong guy for help. Uhh, what do you usually text people you go out with?”  
            “I can’t be that flirty with _Keith_.”  
            “Why?”  
            “He’s a guy! I—”  
            “Lance, I don’t get why you’re so hung up on that. So you like guys. So what? Treat him like you would treat anyone else,” Hunk huffed at him. “I’m not gonna give you some Shiro-esque speech on how you just need to accept your sexuality or whatever, I’m just gonna say that you’re surrounded by friends who love you no matter what and we all know Keith likes you already so just be yourself, even if yourself is that obnoxious flirty guy who sends kissy-face emojis.” Lance’s face softened.  
            “I… thanks, Hunk,” he said, stepping forward to hug his friend. “Sometimes I just need you guys to knock some sense into me.” He tapped out a message to Keith still feeling a bit unsure.

Lance: cant wait for tonight O3<  
Keith: ifhjk  
Keith: sjfhu

            Lance stared at his phone, completely befuddled. “Umm…” he muttered. “Weird.” After another moment, a third text from Keith came in.

Keith: On my way. Hope you’re prepared to get close.

            Lance blushed at the message. Right. He forgot Keith had a motorcycle. Wait. Was he supposed to know that? Did Keith mention that at the Halloween party, or was it some other time? He was pretty sure Keith had mentioned it some other time, but… maybe it would be better to play dumb. “Okay, I gotta go,” he told Hunk as he headed out. Hunk patted him on the shoulder.  
           “Good luck.”           

            Lance headed out the front door, patting his jeans to make sure he had his wallet, phone, and keys, and headed down the stairs. He could hear a motor revving from the parking lot, and upon exiting the lobby door, the source was indeed a motorcycle, and even without the rider taking his helmet off, he could tell it was Keith. He watched as Keith pulled into a parking spot, turned the bike off, and lifted the helmet off his head, tucking it under his arm. Oh. Wow. There was something so… _so_ attractive about the way he did that. Maybe it was the fact that his hair was still perfect. Maybe it was the way he looked in the leather jacket. Maybe it was how he looked at Lance. But there was something about it that rendered Lance absolutely unable to look away.  
            “Hey, you ready?” Keith asked.  
            “Oh. Uh, yeah, let’s go.” As excited as Lance was, he wasn’t sure how to feel about the bike. “Motorcycle, huh? Isn’t that kind of… um. Dangerous?” Keith smirked at Lance.  
            “Why, you scared?”  
            “No!”  
            Keith caught the actual note of concern in Lance’s voice, and shifted his tone in kind. Continuing to joke around wasn’t going to help. “Ah, don’t worry about it. Red’s perfectly safe. Built ‘er myself.”  
            “Um. Okay,” Lance answered, still not feeling totally comfortable.  
            “Listen, if you’re not cool with riding the bike, we can call an Uber, or—”  
            “No, no, it’s fine.”  
            “Er, alright,” Keith faltered for a moment before straddling the motorcycle again. He hung his helmet off the handlebar. “Hang on.” He spent a moment fishing through his backpack, which looked _really_ full, until he pulled out a second helmet. “Here.” He thrust it into Lance’s hands. “Safety first.” Lance pulled it down onto his head. “Blue really is your color.”  
            “How do I…”  
            “Here,” Keith turned, tucking a finger under Lance’s chin-strap after he fixed the clasp. Lance was suddenly very glad for the helmet; it was covering up his blush. But Keith was blushing too. Keith cleared his throat and faced front again, putting his own helmet on, before taking both of Lance’s hands and wrapping them around his torso. “Hold on tight.” Lance was already holding tight, but as soon as they started moving, he clung as close as possible. His heart was in his throat, but Keith took everything the bike gave him and reveled in it. Lance could feel Keith’s heartbeat, and it was fast, too, but not from fear. No, the more likely cause was adrenaline. When they got to the restaurant, both boys wore very different expressions. Keith was grinning, but it was somehow different than his usual grin. It was… it was a smile of pure joy and enthusiasm. Wow. He really loved riding that motorcycle. That much was clear. Lance pulled the spare helmet off, trying not to show how terrified he’d actually been. It’d been… fun. Maybe Lance could get used to that. Keith glanced over at Lance, and his smile dropped a little bit. Lance looked a bit paler than usual. “Hey, you okay?”  
            “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Let’s uh. Let’s go eat.” Keith nodded and they walked into the restaurant together. Once they’d been seated and ordered their food, Lance cleared his throat a bit. “So, I gotta ask, what was with those texts earlier?”  
            “Wha… oh. That was Pidge. She was trying to get my phone from me.”  
            “Wh…why?”  
            Keith blushed. “It’s a long story.” Wow, he was so cute when he was embarrassed.  
            “How’d you meet Pidge, anyway?”  
            “Through Shiro… he was friends with her brother, so…” Keith let his voice trail.  
            “Right, and you know Shiro…”  
            “Um. Long story,” Keith repeated. He really didn’t want to talk about that, and Lance seemed to pick up on that, so he said the only thing he could think of.  
            “Boy, are those space pants? Cause your butt is out of this world.”  
            Keith just stared, and the seconds ticked by without a response, Lance’s chest tightening the longer he looked at Keith. Finally, Keith said something. “Um… thanks?” Lance tried to play it off with an awkward laugh. Keith really didn’t know what to say to that. They were… not off to a great start. “So… space. Oh, I just thought of a very important question. Do you believe in aliens?”  
            “Aliens? Yeah, sure. There’s a lot of things out in space. I think it’s reasonable to think there’s probably intelligent life out there,” Lance explained. Keith smiled softly at him.  
            “Okay, yeah. How do you feel about cryptids?”  
            “Cryptids? That, I’m less sure about. I think people see what they want to see, or try to find some kind of explanation.”  
            “Cryptids are real!” Keith burst. “You’ve heard of Nessie and Bigfoot and all that, but have you heard of Caddy?”  
            “Caddy?”  
            “The Cadborosaurus. Reported to live somewhere off the Pacific Coast. He’s a big ol’ sea serpent.” Keith started flicking through his phone. “Supposedly he’s been sighted over 300 times, up and down the coast. Here,” he showed Lance a picture. “Tell me that’s not proof of something.”  
            Lance squinted at the picture. “I don’t really… see anything.” He handed the phone back to Keith. Keith narrowed his eyes.  
            “Skeptic.”  
            After that, conversation seemed to flow more naturally. They had a good time together, talking and making jokes and laughing with each other, and Keith was shocked by how well it went. Lance was beginning to feel more comfortable as well, and they were both happy to be spending time with each other.  
            “…and Mama always makes masareal for my birthday, have you ever had it?” Keith shook his head no. “I’ll see if she can send some, it’s great.” Lance noticed Keith’s demeanor change. He looked a bit morose as Lance talked about his family, and he caught himself a little bit. “So, uh, what about your family?”  
            “I don’t… uh.” ‘I don’t have a family.’ That was what he wanted to say. But, that seemed too intense for a first date. “We’re a bit more distant than you guys. It’s… complicated.” Lance seemed to pick up on the fact that Keith didn’t want to talk about it.  
            “Okay, fair enough.” Lance looked at the check that had recently arrived at their table, and slid his card onto the tray as Keith reached for his wallet as well. “Ah-ah! I told you, it’s on me.”  
            “Oh. Okay,” Keith answered, trying not to look too embarrassed. It seemed he’d spent the whole evening trying not to blush too hard. “I’m buying the movie tickets, then.”  
            “Fair.”

            They paid the check and walked over to the movie theater, and it was very much the opposite of the last time they’d been there, when the whole gang went to see a movie and Keith spent the whole night distancing himself from Lance. The film was also much less sci-fi and much more comedy. No, not even that, it was a movie that was trying to be a comedy but wasn’t actually all that funny. Keith wasn’t sure what to make of it, but Lance was enjoying himself. That mattered more to him than whether the film was actually good or not. Lance’s arm was on the armrest between them, and Keith had his elbow propped up as well, but he kept looking at Lance’s hand just hanging there. Should he just kind of… he waited for a quiet moment in the movie. God, he wished this was at least a romcom, even if he could never possibly admit to enjoying them. Keith’s movie taste was comprised of nothing but guilty pleasures and superhero flicks (the kinds of movies that reminded him he was never totally alone). He took a breath quietly and placed his hand on top of Lance’s.  
            Lance froze when he felt Keith’s hand on top of his, and in an attempt to play it as cool as possible, Lance was the one to intertwine his fingers into Keith’s. Both of them just sat, dwelling on the fact that they were, in fact, holding hands. It was the only thing on their minds throughout the rest of the movie, and they were still holding hands when they walked out. “Hey Keith. Top 5 Disney movies, go.”  
            “Oh. I, uh, haven’t seen too many.”  
            “ _The Lion King?”_  
            “Nope.”  
            “ _Aladdin?”_  
            “Nope.”  
            “What! What kind of childhood did you have?”  
            “I… didn’t have much of a childhood,” Keith said, quietly.  
            “Oh.” Lance realized he must have struck a sensitive topic, because it was the second time Keith shut down from talking about family or growing up. “Okay well we’re gonna have a Disney movie marathon. I can’t let this stand.”  
            “Okay,” Keith smiled a bit, giving a light laugh. “What’s your favorite?”  
            “ _The Little Mermaid.”_

Lance was slightly less tense on the ride back to his apartment, and once again was completely enamored by Keith’s enthusiasm and adrenaline. Keith walked him up to the front door to say goodbye.  
            “So. Uh. This was fun,” Keith said, voice stilted. “Sorry. I don’t… do this very often.” He wanted to tell Lance the truth, that they were soulmates, and just get it over with. But he couldn’t make his mouth form the words.  
            “It’s alright. I had a good time. We should do this again.”  
            “Yeah, uh, for sure,” Keith rubbed the back of his neck just as Lance pulled him into a hug. Fuck, he gave good hugs. Not as good as Hunk, but… still pretty good. Lance felt his own heart pounding again. They were so close. Their cheeks were brushing against each other’s. Lance nudged Keith a little, hoping he would turn his head just the right way. Keith was mildly aware of what was happening, and for a moment he let himself surrender to it. And then they were nose to nose, and almost lip to lip, and then…  
            Keith jolted away. Lance blinked in surprise. “I, uh… I should get going,” Keith fumbled to explain.  
            “Ok, yeah. Get home safe,” Lance said, trying to mask his disappointment a bit. He waved Keith off as he revved up Red and rode away, and then Lance walked inside, his heart sinking a bit. Hunk and Shay were on the couch, Shay leaning her head on Hunk’s shoulder as they watched _Ferris Bueller’s Day Off._ Lance grabbed one of the cupcakes before plopping on the couch and leaning on Hunk’s other side. Hunk shot him an understanding smile.

             Keith tossed his keys onto the table at the door and immediately went into the bedroom to faceplant onto his bed. Shiro looked at him, a bit confused.  
           “How’d the date go?”  
            Keith rolled over to answer. “It was _great._ I don’t… how can someone so obnoxious be so endearing? Ugh, I really like him.”  
            “Then I don’t understand the problem… why are you--?”  
            “He tried to kiss me. And I didn’t know what to do and I just… leaned away and told him I needed to go.”  
            “Oh,” was all Shiro managed to say in response. “Well, take your time. There’s no rush.”  
            “It’s the second time I’ve done that, Shiro. I have to get over this.” Keith was saying it more to remind himself than to tell Shiro. He really did need to get over it, and he knew that, mostly because his mind was telling him the same thing over and over, and that was that he really did want to kiss Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first dates r awkward


	10. Investigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 boys go prying into something that's none of their business.

            “Oh mannn, it’s getting late,” Pidge let out a yawn. She, Lance, and Hunk were all starting to cram for finals, as they were a few weeks away. “I should head back to the dorms.” Lance and Pidge glanced towards Hunk. He was beginning to doze off on top of the textbooks. Lance nodded towards him.  
            “I don’t think he’s in a state to drive.”  
            Hunk jolted upwards. “Wha—I’m up, I jus… sneed…” His eyes fluttered closed again.  
            “Why don’t you just stay here tonight?” Lance suggested. Pidge’s face crumpled.  
            “What? No!”  
            “Why not?” Pidge looked embarrassed, but she was struggling to come up with an actual reason.  
            “Wh—I just… can’t. Can’t you drive?”  
            “Of course I can drive! I just don’t have my own car.”  
            “So? Borrow Hunk’s truck. I need to go home.” Lance rolled his eyes at her.  
            “You act like you’ve never crashed with us before; what is the big deal?”  
            “Lance, I really need you to drop it, okay?” Pidge’s voice was testy, she was losing her temper with him. He raised his hands innocently and started looking around the room for Hunk’s keys.  
            Pidge was quiet and surly the entire ride back to her dorm, and it made for an uncomfortable ride. Lance wanted to break the tension, but wasn’t quite sure what to say to her.  
            “Hey, Pidge,” he started, “is something—”  
            “Just!” she started, and then she caught herself. “Leave it, Lance. I’m dealing with some shit. Didn’t mean to take it out on you.”  
            Lance sighed. “It’s fine.” He said it, but he wasn’t sure he meant it. One of his best friends was keeping secrets from him, and the smallest voice inside his head told him that he’d done something wrong. Pidge climbed out of the car and made her way inside her dorm. Lance gripped the steering wheel, suddenly feeling tense and left out. When he walked into the apartment, it was silent, and the silence was overwhelming. It only amplified the isolation he was feeling in that moment, and instead of fighting it, he just let himself go to bed. It wasn’t until morning, when both he and Hunk were awake, that he really thought about Pidge’s behavior the night prior.  
            “Hey,” he started to ask Hunk, “did you think Pidge was acting… weird last night?”  
            “What do you mean?”  
            “She was being all… weird, and secretive. I told her she could crash here and she flipped her shit.”  
            “Huh,” Hunk grunted, and then he gave a non-committed shrug.  
            “I just hate that she thinks she can’t tell us something; we’re like, best friends, right?”  
            “Yeah, of course, but…”  
            “No buts. Tonight, we find out what’s up.”  
            “Uh… I don’t know if snooping is a good idea,” Hunk said, but it was too late. Lance had already made up his mind and was tapping away at his phone.

            It was a slow morning at Beezer’s, and Rolo wasn’t around, leaving the shop to Keith and Nyma. She approached the counter slowly, placing her hand on Keith’s shoulder from behind. He jolted at her sudden touch, but then relaxed as he realized who it was.  
            “Hey,” she said, voice soft.  
            “Hey.”  
            “I, uh… wanted to say thanks for talking to me at that party the other day.”  
            “Oh. Yeah. Don’t, uh, don’t worry about it. Everyone goes through hard times, and sometimes all you need is someone to listen.” Nyma smiled at him, and the two fell silent for a moment. Keith was more comfortable with silence anyway. It was all he’d had growing up. Feeling okay with not having to fill the air with noise seemed… natural. It was actually weird to have such heavy conversations with someone. Or at least, someone who wasn’t Shiro. Nyma let out a small sigh.  
            “I broke up with Rolo.”  
            “Oh… how’d that go?”  
            “He said… that he understood. That he was waiting for it; it was only a matter of time. Knew we weren’t right for each other, with both of our baggage and soulmate issues… I don’t know. It was… hard. Even knowing that.”  
            “Hmm,” Keith murmured. “It’s probably for the best.”  
            “Yeah, I know.”  
            “Well, hey, I’m always here for you.”  
            “Yeah… thanks, Keith. Sorry if I ever made things weird for you.”  
            Keith let himself chuckle. “Don’t worry about it.” Nyma smiled at him, and gave him a small hug.  
            “So, how’re things going with Lance, hmm?” she asked, a teasing note in her voice.  
            “Oh, he’s, uh…” Keith’s attention was stolen by his phone going off. “Speak of the devil.”

Lance: you busy tonight?  
Keith: wow second date already?  
Lance: only if you want it to be  
Lance: no but really pidge is being weird and secretive  
Lance: hunk and i are going on a stakeout

            Keith rolled his eyes at his phone. 

Keith: are you serious  
Lance: yeah!!  
Lance: i just want to know whats going on with one of my best friends are you in or what?

             The part of Keith that wanted to scold Lance and tell him to drop it was quieted by the other part of him, the part that really just wanted an excuse to see him outside of class, even if it wasn’t a date. And while he felt bad for exploiting Pidge and her privacy to do so, if the secret was more than her being in a male dorm, he was curious about it as well.

Keith: i dunno  
Keith: maybe its none of our business  
Lance: such a lameass  
Keith: trust me i wanna know whats going on too but idk seems like if she wanted our help shed say something  
Lance: suck a fuck keith  
Lance: youre just scared shes gonna catch us and do something... pidge-like  
Keith: excuse me?  
Keith: are you calling me a chicken?  
Lance: yah  
Keith: im not scared of a digital recluse of a freshman  
Keith: i could kick her ass any day of the week  
Keith: and yours for that matter  
Lance: wow talking about butt stuff already?  
Keith: only the best for you

            Keith raised an eyebrow at his own response. Was he… flirting back? It somehow felt normal with Lance. Maybe Lance’s personality was rubbing off on him, which was an… interesting thought. Keith took a breath, a moment to steady himself.

Lance: if youre not scared then prove it  
Lance: meet me and hunk at the apartment 7pm tonight  
Keith: got it

            True to his word, Keith showed up at Hunk and Lance’s apartment, and Lance ushered him into Hunk’s truck, in which the seats were uncomfortably close, and that fact was one that Lance and Keith were both aware of, but tried to quietly ignore. That was, until Lance started idly playing with Keith’s hand. Keith blushed, though he was unsure that Lance was really paying attention to what he was doing. Lance seemed naturally inclined towards affection, doing these little touchy things without even realizing, something Keith didn’t think he’d ever quite understand. Lance was looking out the truck window, and Keith was just enjoying looking at him, the stars reflected in his eyes. It was oddly sentimental, given the fact that they were on their way to spy on a friend, something Keith felt especially guilty about since Pidge had already confided something in him.  
            “Oh man, this is a bad idea…” Hunk murmured to himself upon arriving at the dorms.  
            “Relax, Hunk,” Lance assured him. “You’re the getaway driver. All you have to do is stay here, and keep the engine running.”  
            “Are you sure _you_ shouldn’t be the driver? You practically taught me yourself; you’re a better driver…” Lance frowned. He was sure the reason Hunk was pushing this on him was just because he didn’t want to stay in the truck by himself.  
            “Fine, come with us, then,” Lance sighed. Keith scowled at him.  
            “Don’t be a dick, Lance,” he muttered. But Lance was distracted by Hunk, who was fishing something out of the back seat.  
            “What—why do you have Fritos in here?”  
            “What? I eat when I’m nervous,” Hunk answered through a mouthful.  
            “You’re always eating.”  
            “Yeah that’s my point!”  
            “Put the chips down and let’s go,” Lance said, letting his voice drop to a whisper. Keith already had his hand on the door handle. It made him feel beyond unsavory to be sneaking around in the bushes near Pidge’s dorm, but Lance simply walking so closely behind him was enough to drive him forward. In his haste, though, Lance had forgotten his jacket. He was soaking in the subtle warmth emanating from Keith, and Keith seemed to notice his slight shivers.  
            “Here, take my jacket,” Keith said as they approached Pidge’s window; the one facing the hill. Lance slipped one arm into it and couldn’t believe what was happening. What a trope. Wearing the guy’s jacket. But it felt so… right, despite the fact that Keith’s jacket was too short in the sleeves for Lance’s gangly arms.  
            “Remind me to return the favor sometime,” Lance muttered, but Keith pressed a finger to his lips as they crawled just underneath Pidge’s window.  
            “Oh man, this is such a bad idea,” Hunk hissed at the other two.  
            “Shh sh shh!” Lance urged him before poking his head up to see inside. Keith joined him while Hunk sat leaning against the wall. Pidge had her back to the window, trying to push someone out of the doorway. Lance only caught a glimpse of the face. It looked distinctly… male. “Wait, why is there a guy in Pidge’s dorm? Does she have a secret boyfriend? I thought she was ace…” Lance sat, trying to put the pieces together.  
            “No,” Keith said quietly beside him. “She was harassing the Garrison and had to enroll under a fake name. A male name.”  
            “Pidge Gunderson… isn't her real name…?” So, she trusted Keith, the guy she’d barely known until this semester, over him and Hunk? That sick, left-out feeling took over again. Was he not trustworthy enough? Not a good enough friend? Lance hated feeling like there was some expectation he wasn’t meeting. Maybe, he just wasn’t meant for certain things. Nobody would guess it from watching him, but Lance’s self-esteem could be wildly low at times. He knew it, and hated that he knew it, but still couldn’t do anything about it. Self-affirmation only went so far, and he knew the way he compensated by pretending to be confident and egotistical could definitely drive people away.That was exactly what he feared was happening with Pidge.  
            “If you’re wondering why she told me, it was only because I walked her home and one of the guys came out. I doubt that’s why she’s acting squirrely, though. You would have noticed sooner, I’d think.”  
            They saw Pidge give a sigh of relief as she turned away from the door, both boys ducking down quickly.  
            “What’s happening?” Hunk hissed at them. Keith scooted back up a little bit, taking a small peek before immediately ducking back down again.  
            “She’s _changing_. Shit.” Lance raised an eyebrow at him.  
            “I’d heard gay guys were weird about boobs, but damn, dude—ow!” Keith had punched him in the shoulder, and then immediately shushed him.  
            “It doesn’t matter if I’m gay!” Keith said, letting his volume control slip a bit. “She’s my friend; it’d be as weird as you seeing me naked.” And then Keith immediately realized what he’d said, and both he and Lance turned a funny shade of red. “Just—nevermind.”  
            “Yeah, nevermind. Get up there and look.”  
            “Ok, fine,” Keith conceded. He poked back up, looking through the window again. “Ok, she’s got a bra on, it’s fine… wait. I think… I see what the secret is.”  
            “What is it?” Lance asked.  
            “She’s… got her tattoo.”  
            “What!” Lance bolted upright, looking through the window too. Keith was right, there was a tattoo just above Pidge’s left hip. Even Hunk was paying attention at this point.  
            “What’s it say?” Hunk whispered.  
            “I dunno, I can’t read it from here,” Keith answered. Hunk squinted through the window, too, but it wasn’t before another minute passed that Hunk’s phone went off, volume way too loud for what the situation called for.  
            “Dude shut that thing off!” Lance urged.  
            “I’m trying!” Hunk fumbled with it for a moment before turning off the volume. “Uh oh,” he said, turning the screen towards Keith and Lance. It read, ‘Text Message from Pidge’.

Pidge: you three are the WORST SPIES EVER

            Just then, the window above them opened. “Busted,” Pidge said, looking down on them, a deep frown on her face. About 5 minutes later, they were all sitting on Pidge’s bed, getting an angry diatribe about spying.  
            “What made you think it was any of your business? Maybe I was trying to sort stuff out on my own. Maybe I was WAITING to tell you guys! Maybe I just don’t need your blundering attempts at help, when I see you can’t even deal with your OWN baggage!”  
            “For the record, this was Lance’s idea,” Hunk said, pointing at Lance.  
            “We’re really sorry,” Lance tested. He glared at Hunk, though he was aware he was really the one at fault. If he hadn’t egged Hunk and Keith on, none of them would be there.  
            “Stow it, Lance,” Pidge huffed, crossing her arms. Keith weighed on things for a moment. He wasn’t used to these situations; he was usually the loner. But he felt Pidge’s eyes on him, as he was the only one who hadn’t said anything. “What about you, Keith, you have some bullshit apology too?”  
            “No…” he muttered. “Just wanted to help, but this wasn’t the right way to do it.”  
            “Yeah, you’re right it wasn’t,” Pidge said, but the anger in her voice was fading. Another quiet moment passed, and then she let out a sigh. “I was going to tell you guys anyway… I got my tattoo a few weeks ago, and a few days ago I found out who it was.” She took another breath. “It’s my roommate’s girlfriend. So, of course there’s problems with that, but also? Being an aromantic person and the universe suddenly decides there’s someone there for you? It’s been sending me through an identity crisis. Maybe I’m not aro, and I haven’t experienced romantic feelings because… I don’t know. Because nobody’s cared enough to try? The thought of that makes me feel… unlovable. I didn’t want to tell you guys because I didn’t think you’d understand.” Lance and Keith made eye contact briefly. Both of them could relate to that, though neither of them knew that about the other. Lance always felt like he was falling short of someone’s expectations, especially in regards to his family, and Keith felt like he’d never really experienced love, and maybe he never would. That time, Hunk was the one to break the silence.  
            “Wait, does she think you’re a guy?” he asked.          
            “I don’t know… I need to talk to her about the whole thing. I think she knows about the soulmate stuff, and maybe she’s picked up on the whole gender thing, but…” Pidge turned away from the boys, clearly feeling embarrassed about the whole situation.  
            “Call her,” Lance said.  
            “What?!”  
            “Just… just call her! Talk it out. It’ll help.” Pidge rolled her eyes at him, but took her phone out anyway.  
            “Okay, if you say so.” Pidge clicked it over to speaker-phone and it rang for what felt like hours, until a voice came on the other end.  
            “Hello?” She sounded much more traditionally feminine than Pidge, whose mind seemed to blank when the other girl answered.  
            “Oh, uh, h-hey, Elise, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Speaker phone was a blessing for Pidge; she’d begun pacing with nerves. There was a silence from Elise for a while, and then she spoke again.  
            “You want to talk about the soulmate stuff.”  
            “Well, uh, sort of. Before we get really far into it, I just think you should know,” Pidge took a deep breath, “I’m a girl.” This was met with a small giggle.  
            “Well of course you are! Listen, the guys may have rocks in their head about it, but what kind of dude carries around tampons ‘just in case’? I—oh, sorry, that was cisnormative, wasn’t it?”  
            “I mean, yeah, but you weren’t wrong. And, uh, I kinda ID’ed as aromantic, too, so I’m really not sure what to make of this whole thing.”  
            “Yeah, I mean… Trevor doesn’t have his tattoo yet, either. But… I did some research because… man, I really love him, Pidge, and I was super-scared and confused when he didn’t match my tattoo. So… before you freak out about this, you should know that it’s highly uncommon, but sometimes people get soulmates that are just… sort of… platonic. Like someone you can confide everything in, who is always going to have your back, but not to the extent of dating and romancey stuff…it doesn't mean that you're not who you thought you were.”  
            “Really?”  
            “I knew it! I knew platonic soulmates were a thing.” Lance exclaimed, before being hastily shushed by Pidge.  
            “Yeah, I mean… it’s all up to interpretation anyway. Orientations can change too, but... but who even really knows what a soulmate is supposed to be? And, I know you and I aren’t super-close, but I think we should take this as a sign… I think we could both use some more girlfriends in our lives.”  
            Pidge took a moment to scan her eyes over the three guys sitting on her bed. “Yeah… yeah, you’re probably right.”

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man every time im like 'wow only a handful more chapters' i throw in stuff like this thats unplanned and unnecessary but also very fun
> 
> also had to get that jacket-share in there somewhere  
> keith dont lie you'd love lance to see you naked
> 
> (fun fact: hunk's line 'i eat when im nervous' 'youre always eating' 'that's my point'. is 100% inspired by an actual thing i said to a bunch of 9-year-olds 'i dab when i'm stressed' 'you always dab' 'yes'.)
> 
> ((the notes have become where i put my own commentary instead of actual important notes lmao))


	11. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holidays bring some undue pressure and our boys are starting to crack.

            “Do you have everything?” Shiro asked from the doorway. Keith shrugged idly. It seemed like Shiro already had everything they needed to bring put together in the bag that was in his hands. Nobody had been able to head home for Thanksgiving, especially with Christmas just a month away and airfare prices being what they were, so Coran invited all them over (actually, it had started with just Allura. Turns out the guy hated the idea of kids being disavowed and insisted they all join him.) to share a meal together. “Are you riding with me and Allura, or are you taking Red?” Keith shrugged again. “I’m going to need a real answer, Keith.” Keith was waiting on his answer himself, and glanced down at his phone.

Keith: are you riding with pidge and hunk or do you want a little more excitement in your life

            Lance still hadn’t answered, and Keith was about ready to call it quits when the bubble that indicated someone typing popped up.

Lance: boy just having you in my life is excitement enough  
Keith: oh very cute  
Lance: thanks ;)

            While Keith had somewhat gotten used to Lance’s flirty comments through the course of a couple more dates, they still never failed to make his heart pound in his chest and his cheeks turn pink. The good thing about texting was that he could just play it off.

Keith: actually though do you wanna try riding red again or did i scar you for life last time?  
Lance: i dunno  
Lance: do you promise to keep me safe?  
Keith: of course you idiot  
Lance: then i think i can give it a go

            Keith looked back up at Shiro, a blithe smile on his face. Shiro’s expression shifted to one of understanding, also wearing a smile. “So, you’ll be on Red, then.”  
            “Yeah,” Keith said, already starting out the door. Instead of taking the long way, as he was prone to do, he tried to get to Lance as quickly as possible.

            It wasn’t long before Keith was in the parking lot of Hunk and Lance’s apartment complex, Hunk waving from his truck as he drove off already. Keith waved back at him, and then took a moment to check his phone before Lance came down.  
            “Hey babe,” Lance said, not even realizing the effect this would have on Keith. Keith turned as red as his bike. Were they on to pet names already? The nature of the relationship hadn’t even been established; were they still ‘just dating’ or were they boyfriends or what? Keith took a breath.  
            “Oh…hey, Lance,” Keith muttered, unsure of how to respond to that.  
            “What were you looking at just now?”  
            “Hmm?”  
            “On your phone.”  
            “Oh. I was looking up the most recent cryptid sightings.”  
            Lance snickered. “I totally forgot you believe in cryptids.”  
            Keith scowled, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Shut up,” Keith nudged Lance playfully with his shoulder. “Here, take the helmet.” They both geared up and got onto the bike, and Lance was clinging to Keith just as much as he did the last time they rode together. Keith was kind of living for it, loving feeling Lance wrap around him for safety. Lance himself couldn’t help but let out a small scream as they turned. Keith chuckled.  
            “Relax, I’ve got you,” Keith shouted so Lance could hear him. “Try to have a little fun; it’s exciting.”  
            “Y-yeah,” Lance managed to get out, pressing the side of his face (hindered by the helmet) into Keith’s back. They turned again and Lance tightened his arms around Keith’s waist, but he let a small cheer out.  
            “There ya go,” Keith said, feeling himself smile. Lance’s enthusiasm grew as they raced through the roads. It was only more encouragement for Keith, hearing Lance ‘woo-hoo’ing behind him. They were both beaming at each other, laughing lightly when they got to Coran’s house, and seeing Lance look so ecstatic as he took the helmet off made Keith want to kiss him more than he’d ever wanted to kiss Lance before. And despite that, he still couldn’t make himself do it. He stood beside Red, frozen in place.  
            “Oh man, that was awesome! I’m actually really glad you made me try that aga—hey, you okay?” Lance moved towards Keith.  
            “Uh. Yeah. I’m fine, just… got in my own head for a second there.”  
            “Yeah? Do you, uh, wanna talk about it?” Lance slung his arm around Keith, linking the two of them together. Keith shook his own thoughts away before smiling over at Lance.  
            “Nah, let’s just go inside.” Lance nodded at him, but their arms were still linked together when they went through the door.  
            “Oh, Lance, Keith!” Allura beamed at them. “I feel like I haven’t seen you two in ages!” She hugged both of them in quick succession.  
            “Yeah, since, like, the Halloween party,” Keith answered.  
            “Actually, Allura, I’d like to talk to you later, if you have the chance,” Lance said. Allura looked at how he was standing next to Keith, and then gave Lance a knowing look. Ever since he’d met Allura, Lance felt like he could confide in her, and he did want to talk to her about his current situation with Keith. They’d been out three times and Keith had yet to let Lance kiss him. It was beginning to wear on Lance’s confidence.  
            “Of course, Lance.” Keith noticed how Lance seemed to brighten a bit after Allura said that, and then Lance spotted Pidge in the next room and nudged his way in, leaving Keith in the doorway.  
            “Hey, hey Pidge! Guess what!” The girl looked up from her phone as Lance called her attention. “Keith believes in cryptids!” Keith shot Allura a smile and then followed Lance into the other room as they spoke about him.  
            “Mothman is real!” Pidge blurted in response.  
            “Yes!” Keith shouted back. “Thank you, someone who gets it! Mothman is real and he’s my boyfriend.” Lance tried to frown, but couldn’t help but to smile a bit.  
            “Wow, Keith… you really know how to hurt a guy.” Keith couldn’t help but crack a smile.  
            Keith’s instinct was to ask, ‘are we boyfriends?’ But instead he pushed that instinct down, and tried to play it off. “Shut up,” he said, chuckling a bit and nudging Lance with his shoulder. Coran looked up at both of them excitedly.  
            “Ah, you two made it! Glad ta see ya! Well, while the turkey’s in the oven, why don’t we start out with some board games!” Everyone was ushered towards the table, beginning a match of _Clue._ Keith couldn’t help but notice how Shiro and Allura were resting their hands on each other’s the whole time, how much those two were just plain perfect together, and the same went for Hunk and Shay, even though Shay wasn’t there (her overprotective brother insisted on her going home for Thanksgiving). Keith mulled on these thoughts over dinner, until Shiro nudged him under the table. Keith looked across the table at the older man.  
            ‘You okay?’ Shiro mouthed at Keith. Keith just sort of gave a small nod, but it was enough of a tell for Shiro to know a conversation needed to be had.  
            “Wow, Coran, I didn’t know you could cook like this,” Pidge remarked after everyone had finished eating.  
            “Oh, it was nothing, I just followed the recipes that Hunk sent me.” She nodded; that made total sense. After another moment, Shiro nudged Keith underneath the table and nodded towards the backyard door. Keith nodded at him, and then excused himself before walking outside and plopping down on some of the patio furniture. Shiro wasn’t far behind him.  
            “So, what’s going on?” he asked, taking the seat next to Keith.  
            “I dunno, just…” Keith sighed, putting his head in his hands. It was out of nowhere, too. He’d felt like things were going well, but seeing actual functional couples made him feel all weird and displaced all over again. “Not living up to expectations, I guess.”  
            “Whose expectations?” Keith knew why Shiro asked it the way he did. He wanted to know if he’d been putting undue pressure on Keith.  
            “Not yours. Don’t worry. I guess… my own? I don’t know, it seems like Lance and I should be… further along than we are. But both times he’s tried to kiss me, I backed off. I think he took the hint since he hasn’t pushed it since the first date. It’s just like, I look at you and Allura, or Hunk and Shay, and y’all seem so… normalized in your relationship. I just… don’t know if I can ever have that.”  
            “It’s ‘normalized’, one, because they’re straight relationships, and the way society perceives us isn’t constantly a worry—”  
            “Glad you’re aware of your straight privilege. Sucks that things are still so… fucked up in that sense, in a world where we don’t really decide who we end up with.” Keith’s voice was morose. He didn’t have to worry about disappointing anyone by turning out gay, but only because there wasn’t anyone to disappoint.  
            “Yeah, well, gotta be aware of those things, I guess. And in terms of me and Allura, we’ve been together for like, four years. We’ve already dealt with each other’s baggage. Just because we don’t act like it now doesn’t mean there were never problems. Allura’s gone through some heavy shit; she’s lost her home and her father and the closest thing she has to family is Coran, but soulmates are meant to be there for each other. To be a support system. She helps me with my problems, and I help her with hers. I think, if you talk to Lance about the worries you’re having…”  
            “I _can’t,_ Shiro,” Keith blurted angrily. He was letting his temper get the better of him. “I can’t. I can’t tell him that I’m a virgin, that I’ve never dated before, that I’ve never so much as kissed a guy and the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship was holding hands with a girl in the 5 th grade.”  
            “Why?”  
            “Okay, first of all don’t sit there and try to psychoanalyze me. I’m not one of your CPS kids.”  
            “I mean… you kind of are,” Shiro answered. Keith just glared at him for a moment before continuing.  
            “Second of all, you know _exactly_ why. And so do I. I know I keep everything close to me, because I didn’t grow up with a support system or anyone to confide my secrets in. I know I _need_ to let myself knock those walls down, but the real answer, Shiro? The real answer is that I’m _afraid._ And I hate being afraid! I hate that I want to do these things with him, that I have these feelings and don’t know how to express them, and that I know he could help me with my issues but just CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO TELL HIM. Because he’s going to judge me or think I’m an idiot, or… god, I don’t know, I just…  do you not think I know these things and that I am constantly infuriated with myself for it? Like, ‘wow Keith just fucking talk about your feelings like a normal adult person’ ‘no, I can’t, because I’m a giant gay COWARD’. There it is, all out on the line for you, Shiro. I cannot talk to my _fucking soulmate_ because I’m _scared.”_ Keith was standing up, ranting, feeling his face heat up with a mix of embarrassment and anger and frustration, just staring at Shiro and taking heavy, fast breaths. Shiro took a deep breath and stood, putting a hand on Keith’s shoulder, but Keith jolted away from him. “Please, just… don’t touch me right now.” He was bordering on hyperventilation, near an anxiety attack.  
            “Sorry,” Shiro muttered, sitting back down. “Keith, sit. Look at me.” For once, Keith was glad Shiro was handling him with kiddie gloves. He normally hated when Shiro did that Dad schtick, but when Keith got into this state, Shiro knew exactly what to do. Keith sat down as instructed, and looked straight at Shiro. “Can I take your hands?” Keith nodded as calmly as he could at him, breath still hitching a bit as Shiro grabbed his hands. “Keith, look at me. Deep breaths. In,” Shiro inhaled through his nose, slowly, and Keith followed his lead. “And out. Again. In, and out.” Keith was already beginning to feel himself calm down. “One more. In, and out. Good.” Keith blinked up at Shiro. “Okay. Listen. I understand you need to take your time with these things, but… maybe just ease into things.”  
            Keith nodded, slowly coming back into himself. “What do you think… a good first step would be?”  
            “Maybe, just establish what the relationship is. Or explain why you don’t want to kiss him yet.”  
            “I _do_ want to kiss him, I just can’t do it.”  
            “Okay… well if he really cares about you, which I know for a fact he does, he’ll understand and be patient.” Keith took another long breath.  
            “Okay… okay… you’re right. I just need… some time.”  
            “Do you want me to give you another minute?” Shiro asked. Keith nodded, sinking in on himself again. Shiro gently patted him on the back and then sauntered back inside.

            Keith left the table, and then a moment later, Shiro left the table, leaving Pidge, Hunk, and Lance just looking at each other befuddledly. Allura glanced at Coran, and then back to the others. “I think we should just give them a moment,” she muttered.  
            “Of course!” Coran said. “Shall I fetch dessert?”  
            “Yes!”  
            “Yes!” Lance and Hunk answered simultaneously. Coran fetched the pie, and cut everyone a slice (pumpkin or pecan, depending on their preferences.) Once everyone was served, he stood up and clinked his glass.  
            “I think a toast is in order!”  
            “A toast sounds delightful,” Allura smiled at him.  
            “If you would do the honors, then, Allura?”  
            “Oh, I… sure,” Allura faltered. “I would like to toast to… ah, to good friends and good family. May we all remember to be thankful for those we have in our lives, and not forget those who are not here.” Coran nodded subtly at her. He knew she was talking particularly about her father, and he shared the sentiment. Alfor had been a great friend of his. They all clinked their glasses together, and then Allura cleared her throat quickly, remembering what Lance had said to her when he and Keith walked in. “Oh, could I borrow Lance for a moment?” Nobody seemed to have much a response besides Lance looking up at her. The two took their pie into an adjacent room, but still private enough to not worry about the others being privy to their conversation. “So what was it you wanted to talk about?”  
            “Man, just like, things with Keith. They’ve just sort of…grinded to this halt. I don’t know what’s up with him. I can tell there’s a lot going on in his head, but he sure fuck won’t share it with me. I really want, like… a deeper relationship but he hasn’t even let me kiss him yet. I don’t even know if we’re like, boyfriends or what. Thought you might have some insight, since you and Shiro are like… couple goals.”  
            “Hmm. I think… well, it’s hard to say. Keith seems more closed off about his emotions. Just give it time.”  
            “Ugh… it’s probably my fault, too.”  
            “What makes you say that?”  
            “He doesn’t know that I know that we’re soulmates. We talked about it at the Halloween party, but I told him I didn’t remember…”  
            “You did _what?_ Well no wonder he’s so gunshy about talking about feelings; he told you that you two are soulmates and…”  
            “I know, I screwed up and am beyond surprised he’s dating me anyway… I…” Lance let out a sigh. “I got in my own head. I’m… not out to my family. I had a moment of weakness and I panicked, and as soon as I get home for the holidays I’m going to tell them, and then I’m going to come clean with Keith, I just… I don’t know, I want him to want things to be more.”  
            “I think he does, but… hmm. You have to be honest with yourself, and then be honest with others. I think in admitting your attraction to him, you’ve accomplished the first part. So now all you need is the second part.”  
            “You make it sound easy. I’m so worried about… about letting people down. Worried about what Mama will think.”  
            “Lance, I can’t promise that everything will be okay at home, because I don’t know. But if nothing else, you have found a family here. And I don’t want you to question whether or not you belong here.” Allura placed her hands gently on top of Lance’s, and smiled at him.  
            “Thanks, Allura. I’m just… trying to sort everything out.”  
            “The only way to do that is to talk to Keith.”  
            “I know… I need more time.”  
            “I think what you need right now is a hug.” Lance nodded a bit, and Allura pulled him into a hug.  “Shiro and I are always here for you, Lance.” Lance nodded again into her shoulder, and after another moment, they returned to the kitchen table. Shiro had rejoined the group, but Keith was still sitting outside.  
            “Is he okay?” Lance asked.  
            “He just needed some air,” Shiro answered. Lance furrowed his brow, tempted to agree with him. Instead, he shook his head for a moment.  
            “I’m going to go talk to him.” 

            Keith looked up as the glass door as it slid open again. Expecting to see Shiro returning, he was surprised to find Lance there instead.  
            “Hey, man,” Lance said, sitting next to Keith. “You alright?”  
            “Yeah, I just… dunno. Working through some stuff.”  
            “Yeah, I feel that.” Keith raised an eyebrow at him. Somehow that didn’t really make him feel better. “Just…uh…know that I’ve got your back.” Lance put an arm around Keith, resting his hand on Keith’s thigh.  
            “Uh. Thanks,” Keith muttered. “I got you, too.” And he finally conceded to Lance’s type of affection, and leaned into Lance’s shoulder. Lance pressed his nose into Keith’s hair, and he took a breath and took a risk and very gently kissed the top of his head. Keith’s eyes widened, but he didn’t jolt away, and Lance felt a light fluttering in his chest. Maybe, if they both sorted their issues out, this would actually work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was supposed to update my other fic before i finished this chapter whoops
> 
> idk i wanted to get some more shiro and allura in here


	12. Homeward Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance heads home for the holidays, a secret baring down on him. Keith tries to find a home for the holidays, but is really just along for the ride.

            “I can’t wait to get home, have Mama’s cooking, see all my siblings…” Lance rambled while he was packing his suitcase.  
            “Ohho, your mom’s cooking is the best. Hey, try to get me that brownie recipe!” Hunk answered.  
            “I told you, dude, it’s a family secret. I don’t know how she does it.”  
            Hunk was packing his things, too. Winter break had officially started, and the boys both had tickets home for a couple weeks. Lance was very much looking forward to it, having found himself feeling quite homesick, and also dreading it due to the promise he’d made to himself. It was time to come out of the bisexual closet, if only to set his own mind at ease about dating Keith. Sure, Lance made jokes about being boyfriends, but one—he wasn’t totally sure that was the case, and two—that was with people he was _way_ more comfortable with. From his desk, Lance’s phone buzzed. He had a feeling he knew who it was, and what it was about, but he moved across the room to check anyway.

Pidge: grades r up

            Lance set his jaw and flipped his laptop open, loading the school page. Being an upper-classman was way more stressful than Lance had anticipated, and taking the classes that focused on his major was definitely more difficult, too. Lance was a touch nervous about his grades. Hunk glanced over at him.  
            “Was that Pidge, are grades up?”  
            “Mhm.”  
            Hunk followed suit, opening his own computer and pulling up the same page Lance’s computer was struggling to load. Finally, it clicked into existence. Lance scanned the page. The fact that the Garrison professors posted grades so quickly was both a blessing and a curse. It was nice to rid himself of grade-induced anxiety, but he also couldn’t just tell his mother he “didn’t know yet”, because she was aware of how quickly final grades were calculated. Lance took a breath, then took note of the number at the bottom of the page.  
            “Woohoo! 3.5, bab _yyyyyy~_ ” Lance cheered, spinning around in his chair in celebration.  
            “Nice!” Hunk exclaimed nearby. Lance puttered over and looked over Hunk’s shoulder. “3.8… dang, I really wish I’d aced that last class,” Hunk muttered, “but that’s still pretty good.” Lance frowned. There he was again, being totally outdone by his genius friends. Lance’s phone went off again.

Pidge: so whats the verdict  
Lance: 3.5 for me, 3.8 for hunk  
Lance: and you?  
Pidge: 4.0 but theyre lower division classes so thats not saying much  
Lance: oh shut up  
Lance: whatever im just excited to be home for a few weeks  
Pidge: yeah, what about that uh  
Pidge: other thing?  
Lance: …  
Lance: right  
Lance: guess i gotta…  
Lance: aaauughghgghhhghghghghg  
Pidge: lance im sure it wont be as bad as youre imagining  
Lance: you dont know that  
Pidge: its time to suck it up and come out  
Lance: i caaaaaaaant  
Lance: its terrifying  
Lance: but  
Lance: uuuuughhhhhh i cant keep dating keith until i tell him the truth about halloween and i cant do that until i come out  
Lance: and i really wanna keep dating keith  
Pidge: if it will make you feel better  
Pidge: ill come out over break too  
Lance: you will?  
Pidge: yeah  
Lance: i thought you were out  
Pidge: only to my parents but  
Pidge: i will tell matt im ace  
Lance: okay  
Lance: we can do it together  
Lance: in spirit

            Lance and Hunk each finished packing, and the next day they loaded their bags into Hunk’s truck and shuttled off to the airport; Lance with a ticket all the way to Florida, Hunk with his to Washington, just up the coast.  
            “See ya after New Year’s,” Hunk said, when they finally parted towards separate gates.  
            “Yeah, have a good break, buddy!” Lance answered, before accepting one of Hunk’s great bear hugs. While Lance was ready to see his family, the thought of coming out had his stomach in knots.

         
            Shiro slung his duffel bag over his shoulder as he got ready to head to the gym, and then he gave a second glance at Keith, who was slumped over on the corner of his bed, headphones shoved on. He sighed. Keith had two modes; loner mopey emo, or impulsive, fast-moving hothead, and it seemed like he was in the former.  
            “Keith,” Shiro said. Keith didn’t look up at him, the most likely reason seeming like the music was drowning him out. “ _Keith,”_ Shiro repeated. “KEEEEIIIIITH!” No luck. Shiro stepped across the room and physically removed the headphones from Keith’s ears. “Welcome to the Black Parade” came drifting through the air as Keith’s eyes snapped up to meet Shiro’s.  
            “What the hell!”  
            “Language.”  
            “Yeah, you’re one to lecture me about language.”  
            “I can’t believe you still listen to MCR,” Shiro chuckled.  
            “That song came out on my birthday, first of all, and second of all, they’re good; shut the fuck—what did you want anyway?” Keith snipped.  
            “I was trying to get your attention; you seem bummed.”  
            “Yeah, I am bummed.” Keith crossed his arms and turned away from Shiro. He hated this time of year. Shiro let out a heavy sigh and sat on the edge of the bed.  
            “Listen, I…” Shiro paused for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to say for a moment. It was rare that Shiro didn’t have the words, but this was one of those times. Finally, he spoke again. “Are you going anywhere for break?”  
            “Was gonna work some overtime; Nyma’s headed home to spend some time with her sister, I guess, after their breakup. Rolo said I didn’t need to stay, but it’s not like I really have anywhere to go.”  
            “Right… tell Rolo you’re going on a trip.”  
            Keith furrowed his brow. “What?”  
            “Come down to the Holts’ with me and Allura and Pidge.”  
            “Why are you going to the Holts’ place, what about your family?”  
            “My parents are vacationing in Japan,” Shiro answered point-blank. “And I’m not taking your excuses; you’re coming with us. I already bought an extra ticket.”  
            Keith opened his mouth to argue, but decided against it. “Fine.” Shiro smiled at him.  
            “Good. You wanna head to the gym?”  
            “No, I’m good here,” Keith muttered, to which Shiro simply shrugged and left, glad that at least Keith wouldn’t be alone for Christmas. As soon as Shiro left, Keith picked up his phone. 

Keith: im gonna rip all the sleeves off my tshirts  
Pidge: why  
Keith: because lance is gone and hes like 85 percent of my impulse control  
Keith: that and because shiro hit a nerve just now  
Pidge: ah  
Pidge: he asked you about coming on the trip with us didnt he  
Keith: you knew??  
Pidge: yeah he asked me if my parents had room for four and i said whos four, its you me and allura and he said no keith is coming and i asked if hed talked to you already and he said no but i dont want him home alone because its not healthy and also because hes gonna do something stupid because he has a short temper and he always gets pissed around the holidays anyway  
Pidge: so i figured hed talk you into it

            Keith didn’t bother responding to that text. Instead, he actually _did_ rip the sleeves off a few t-shirts, if only to relieve some tension. The next morning was stressful; Keith had to make sure Red was in their inside parking spot before hopping into Shiro’s car and picking up Allura and Pidge, and of course doing the “gentlemanly thing”, a turn of phrase Keith loathed but didn’t say anything about (mostly because it wasn’t worth fighting with Shiro over microaggressions), and loading their luggage, all before hauling everyone and everything to the local train station since Pidge lived closer than anyone else and her parents thought it was a little excessive to take a 40 minute flight. The train was an overnighter, so at least Keith could get some sleep.

 

            Lance was greeted at the airport by a swathe of family members; his mom and several of his younger siblings, engulfed in a cacophony of “Lance is home!!” and excited Spanish cries. After lots of hugs, they finally started moving towards the car.  
            “Mama, where’s Carmen?” Lance asked, wanting to consult with her before saying anything about his romantic life to the rest of the family.  
            “She’s at home, helping Abuela with your welcome home dinner!” The mention of a home-cooked meal perked Lance right up.  
            That night’s meal was uneventful. It wasn’t until after dinner, when Lance finally flopped onto his bed and examined the room (which he shared with his younger brother Marco) that he took a moment to breathe. Even though it had only been a few months since he’d been home, it felt much longer. The pictures on the wall felt unfamiliar, and looking at them again filled Lance with a warmth he’d missed. And in the corner, Lance noticed something missing. His guitar. He immediately leaned out the doorway and shouted down the hall.  
            “¡Mamá! ¿Dónde está mi guitarra? ¿La vendiste en la venta del garaje?” he called. It was simultaneously odd and refreshing to be speaking Spanish. He’d gotten pretty adjusted to just speaking in English all the time; there was something of a relief that came with being able to speak Spanish, and having people understand him. His mother came down the hall to answer his distressed shout.  
            “Por supuesto que no. Tu padre no tuvo tiempo de sacarla del almacenamiento, pero tal vez podamos tenerla la próxima vez que estés en casa.” Lance nodded at her explanation. Papa was always working; it made sense that he didn’t have a chance to go get the damn thing out of storage. Still, this came as a bit of a disappointment to Lance. He sighed and leaned into his mother, who pulled him into a hug. “Lo siento, mijo.” Lance smiled, pressing his face into her shoulder.  
            “Pasa nada.”  
            “Te quiero mucho.”  
            “Yo también te quiero, Mama.”  
            Lance’s mother gave him a smile, and then told him to make sure he got some sleep. He knew she was right; tomorrow he was going to talk to Carmen.

 

            Keith didn’t know what to make of the neighborhood he was standing in. He’d never been somewhere quite like it. Pidge didn’t really seem that excited to be home, and she hesitantly knocked at the door after the Uber dropped the four of them off.  
            “Just a heads up, Keith; my parents can be a lot,” she said, just before the door creaked open. It was Pidge’s mother, and her face instantly lit up when she saw who it was.  
            “Ohh, KATIE!!” And Pidge was immediately yanked into a hug. Keith snickered at her, both for the name and for how doting her mother was. Pidge shot him a look, but he couldn’t help but keep the grin. “And Shiro, so good to see you again.” Shiro took to the hug a lot better than Pidge had.  
            “Good to see you too, Mrs. Holt.”  
            “Oh, please, I’ve told you, call me Colleen!” The woman shifted to look at Keith and Allura, who were standing a bit further away. “And you must be Allura.” Colleen extended her hand.  
            “Yes, a pleasure to meet you,” Allura said, an aura of diplomacy about her. And then, all eyes were on Keith.  
            “Keith.” It was soft, but Keith knew that she knew much about him. Far be it from Shiro to keep his mouth closed when he was concerned about someone, not to mention they’d been in each other’s lives for, what, almost 5 years? “I’m so glad you finally made it for a visit.” Keith didn’t know how to respond to that.  
            “Uh. Yeah. Thanks,” Keith answered, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. Well that was sufficiently awkward. A moment passed, and then Colleen ushered them inside.  
            “Sam is still at work,” she explained. Pidge nodded. “Matt! Your sister is here!” There were footsteps sounding from the floor above, and then a boy appeared at the top of the stairs. Keith somewhat recognized him. He and Pidge had such a striking resemblance that Keith, had he not known better, would have mistaken them for twins. But Matt was closer to Shiro’s age. While Pidge had not been enthused to see her mother, she was elated to see Matt. They made eye contact, and then Matt basically stomped down the stairs and took Pidge in a running hug.  
            After all the hellos had been made, Keith took his belongings into the den as instructed and took some time to himself. He could hear some excitement happening in the main room, but after spending so much of the day socializing, he really needed to just give himself some space. It was going to be a long winter break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol so nothing happens in this chapter.  
> there was supposed to be more but im lazy and this is long enough (and the things i have planned for the next chapter are definitely plot-driving enough to be their own chapter)
> 
> okay so i didn't wanna do anything like... ///bad/// while trying to write lance bilingual like i know some spanish but i ran stuff through babelfish (which is supposed to be like LOADS better than google translate) and looked at like 1000 guides to make sure i was doing it tastefully because like i am a white person i dont wanna overstep my bounds or anything but uhhhhh yeah if its still like problematic or just translated wrong plz let me know
> 
> uh if you happen to have an urge to draw fanart PLEASE share it with me I am a HO for fanart (plz don't feel obligated tho) my tumblr is blake-babeadonna.tumblr.com  
> actually if you have any questions at all just hit me up there
> 
> and yeah idk shits gonna go down soon
> 
> EDIT: translation of spanish (at sourcandii's request)
> 
> Lance: Mama! Where is my guitar? Did you sell it at the garage sale?  
> Mrs. McClain: Of course not. Your father didn't have time to go get it out of storage, but maybe we can have it next time you're home. Sorry, my son.  
> Lance: It's okay.  
> Mrs. McClain: I love you so much.  
> Lance: I love you too, Mama.


	13. Long Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has a very dramatic winter break; Keith is a tag-along

            “So…” Carmen hummed as Lance ran his fingers over the tattoo on his arm. So much had happened since he got it, it seemed like. He’d almost forgotten that was where it all started. “You got your tattoo,” she said.  
            “Yes.”  
            “Have you met your soulmate, then?” she leaned in, nudging Lance with her shoulder. He met his sister’s grin with one of his own, and nodded. Carmen let out a delighted squeal and hugged Lance tightly. “Ooh, what’s she like?” And then Lance’s grin faded.  
            “It’s, uh… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Lance hesitated for another moment, letting out a sigh. “My soulmate is a guy.” Carmen didn’t say anything for a moment, just giving Lance an understanding look. He was somewhat relieved she didn’t pass judgement on him in that moment. Of course, she hadn’t passed judgement when he’d told her he was bi in the first place.  
            “Okay, so what’s _he_ like?”  
            “Demonios, él es tan lindo. La forma en que se pone nervioso cuando coqueteo con él y lo entusiasmado que se pone sobre su motocicleta, y la forma en que nunca sabe cómo ser él mismo a mi alrededor es tan entrañable y yo solo... yo ... realmente me preocupo por él.” The words seemed to come more naturally to him in Spanish.  
            “Ay, realmente te tiene loco, hermanito. ¿Se han besado ya? ”  
            “No! Y me está volviendo loco!”  
            Carmen laughed for a moment, and then drew quiet again, looking at Lance seriously. He could already tell what she was going to say next.  
            “¿Vas a decirles a los demás, verdad?”  
            Lance took another deep breath. “Sí. Solo estoy tratando de averiguar cómo.”  
            Carmen leaned in and gave Lance another hug. It said everything Lance needed to hear, without her even saying anything. That was the joy of siblings. Being one of seven (and the third oldest) wasn’t always easy, but moments like that more than made up for it.  
            “You know Mama isn’t going to care,” Carmen said.  
            “I just… need them to know. And it’s not Mama I’m worried about,” Lance rubbed the back of his head nervously. “It’s—”  
            “Abuela,” they finished simultaneously.  
            “Well, if you say something before Christmas, we’re all gonna be on your side.”  
            “God, I hope so.” Lance took one more deep breath. “Okay. Okay. It’s tonight. It’s now or never.” Just at that moment, Lance and Carmen heard a call.  
            “Kids! Dinner!” Several sets of footsteps rushed down the hall, and Carmen stood up, lingering in the doorway for a moment.  
            “You coming, hermanito?”  
            “Yeah. Just give me a minute.”  
            She disappeared around the corner, and Lance took a last deep breath before hesitantly following. 

            Dinner was bustling, as it always was. Rosario and Nathaniel were conspiring to instigate a food fight from the looks of it, Carmen had a sly grin and her eye on Lance all night, Marco was being a brooding teenager, and Lance was just as sullen, mulling over his food and feeling distant from the conversation. His father was more engaged with Abuela, who was talking about how some asshole at the community garden was trampling all over her carrots. Lance heard her refer to the man as a “maricón” and cringed on the inside. Once his mother had finally gotten Susana to eat enough, she seemed to notice Lance’s behavior.  
            “What’s wrong, mijo?” she asked, and suddenly Lance had everyone’s attention. He coughed, his eyes darting first to Carmen, and then to Abuela, who was sitting next to her, and then coughed again.  
            “I, uh, I have something to tell you,” he said. He suddenly wished Jacob was there, too, just so he wouldn’t have to explain this all again. But he’d already opened his mouth and started to say it, so it was time to come clean. “I am… uh. I’m bisexual.” There it was, out in the world. There was no taking it back. The table was quiet for what felt like forever and Lance felt tears pooling in his eyes, but an affirming smile from Carmen was what kept him from doing so. Finally, someone said something.  
            “What’s bisexual?” Susana asked.  
            “It means he likes dick.” That was Marco. His mother swatted his shoulder.  
            “Marco, mind your manners!”  
            “Wait, boys can like boys?” Rosario asked, looking excited.  
            “Yeah,” Lance answered, feeling as though he was coming back into himself. “And girls can like girls and sometimes people like both.”  
            “Wow, I want a girlfriend,” Rosario said.  
            “So you like both,” Nathaniel said, clearly looking to Lance for clarification. Lance nodded at him, and then his gaze swerved over to his parents. His mother didn’t say anything for a moment, and then his father, who Lance hadn’t had a real opportunity to speak to yet, stood from the table, walked around it, squatted next to Lance’s chair, and pulled him into a tight hug.  
            “Te quiero mucho. Pase lo que pase.”  
            Lance blinked tears out of his eyes. It wasn’t like his father to be sentimental.  
            “Muchas gracias, Papa,” Lance murmured, and clung even closer for a moment before his father returned to his chair.  
            “We’re glad you felt like you could tell us, Lance,” his mother said after another moment. Lance was silent. He was still waiting for Abuela to answer, but she just looked down at her plate with disdain. “I couldn’t help but notice you got some ink while you were gone.” She nodded towards Lance’s arm with a grin.  
            “Right… yeah… my soulmate is… he’s a guy. His name is Keith.” Lance looked back towards his Abuela, who still hadn’t said anything. “A-abuela?”  
            “No está bien. No está bien que salgas con otro hombre.” Lance felt all the color rush out of his face, but he managed to push some words out of his mouth.  
            “Pero... él es mi alma gemela, Abuela. Yo no elegí ser así. Yo no elegí ser algo que odiarías.”  
            “Necesitas encontrar a una buena chica y establecerse. No lo puedo creer uno de mis nietos se convirtido en un maricón y no me tiene que gustar y no tengo que tolerarlo.”  
            Lance flinched as his father stood up again. “Si vives en mi casa tienes que tolerarlo.” The fact that both of them were beginning to get vitriolic made Lance want to throw up. He regretted saying _anything_ to them. Then, his mother spoke with a calmer voice.  
            “Estela, no hables de esa manera. No tienes que estar ser feliz, pero tienes que respetar a mis hijos.”  
            There was a tense silence, as both Ema and Matias stared down Estela, waiting for her answer to that.  
            “Bien.” It was an agreement, but it was terse, and then Abuela toddled off, away from the table, muttering frustratingly under her breath. There was another tense silence, and then everyone calmed down a bit, and then Ema tried to change the subject.  
            “So, did Marco tell you he’s applying to the Garrison?” Lance perked up a bit, grateful for the change of subject.

            Lance had a moment to himself in the bedroom after dinner. While he wanted to decompress, he had to make sure he didn’t go through all that alone.

Lance: okay im decloseted  
Lance: weirdest most stressful dinner of my entire life  
Lance: my abuela probably hates me  
Lance: but everyone else was okay with it  
Pidge: you had dinner already?  
Lance: thats what youre taking away from this?  
Pidge: its only 4:30  
Lance: yeah dipshit im in florida  
Lance: for a genius you really can be an idiot  
Pidge: excuse me for forgetting you live across the country  
Pidge: to be fair youre constantly a dipshit  
Lance: that is RUDE and HURTFUL  
Lance: and i am very emotionally vulnerable  
Pidge: okay sorry  
Lance: PLEASE tell me youve done your shit too  
Pidge: uh  
Pidge: not yet sorry  
Lance: PIDGE!  
Pidge: i was going to talk to matt after dinner!  
Lance: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh  
Pidge: hey i promised you didnt i?  
Pidge: have you ever known me to back out on a promise  
Lance: yes  
Lance: constantly  
Pidge: okay but like not about something this serious  
Pidge: i swear im gonna tell him tonight  
Pidge: kinda running out of time here  
Pidge: since christmas is in like two days  
Lance: FUCK  
Pidge: what now?  
Lance: jacob  
Lance: im gonna have to tell him too  
Pidge: well youve done the hard part  
Lance: yeah its just like  
Lance: jacob has been gone for so long  
Pidge: itll be fine  
Pidge: i promise  
Lance: no more fake promises gunderson  
Pidge: you know you cant hold me to that if youre using a fake name  
Lance: god dammit pidge what the hell is your real name  
Pidge: cant a girl have some secrets?

 

             Keith felt displaced seeing how Colleen and Sam and Matt and Pidge all interacted with each other, and even Shiro and Allura to an extent. Pidge was clearly embarrassed by her parents, but it was clear she was close with Matt, and Shiro was close with Matt as well. One afternoon found the four of them in the living room, as Sam was at work and Allura had offered to help Colleen with dinner. They’d asked Pidge to help but she declined, claiming to have no cooking skills, something Keith completely accepted as true. It seemed like Pidge’s cooking skills probably went as far as microwaveable dinners. Keith and Pidge were observing a match of _Wii Sports_ between Shiro and Matt. Keith felt as though he was just sort of _there,_ while Pidge was heckling the two of them.  
            “You two suck at this.”  
            “Oh, like you could do better,” Matt snipped back.  
            “Actually, I could. You just won’t let me play because you’re afraid to lose digital baseball to a girl.” Matt squawked in indignation, exchanging a look with Shiro before they paused the game, and Matt put Pidge in a headlock. She reared back, trying to squeeze out of his grasp. “Ugh! Matt, let me go!”  
            “Not until you admit you’re wrong!”  
            “No way! I can kick your ass at any game, put your money where your mouth is!”  
            “Katieeeeee, I can go all day with this!”  
            “Matt! You’re the worst!” With a couple more grunts, Pidge managed to escape from him. “God, you’re incorrigible,” Pidge said, but she said it with a grin. Keith had never observed an exchange quite like that, and just sat confused in the armchair. Pidge’s phone buzzed on the coffee table, and she grabbed it instantaneously. Shiro raised an eyebrow at her, and she answered with one word. “Lance.” Keith’s stomach turned at the name. He missed Lance. He wouldn’t be the one to admit it, but he missed Lance, and was a little salty that he was texting Pidge instead of texting him. Pidge wandered into the other room as she tapped away on her phone.  
            “Keep it paused for a sec,” Matt said. “I’ll be right back.”  
            “Sure thing,” Shiro answered. Keith glanced over at him.  
            “Are they always like that?” he asked.  
            “What, Katie and Matt?”  
            “I heard that! You, Takashi, do _not_ get to call me Katie!” Pidge called from the other room.  
            “You know I’m the reason you have that nickname in the first place, right?” Shiro called back. No response from Pidge. Shiro turned his attention back to Keith. “Yeah, that’s pretty average for siblings.” Keith nodded for a moment before Matt returned, and then he just wanted to sink into his chair. There was so much… what was it? Domesticity? Something Keith had never really known, and he was a bit envious, but he also felt intrusive, as though it wasn’t his place to observe these familial interactions. These were special moments, meant to be between Pidge and Matt and those they loved. Sure, Keith was friends with Pidge, and friends with Shiro (who definitely fell under that umbrella) but it didn’t feel… the same. Keith wanted something like that, but something that was _his._ And he was suddenly reminded of the tattoo on his shoulder blade, just as Pidge returned to the room.  
            “So what did Lance want?” Keith asked. Perhaps hearing about Lance would alleviate some of Keith’s mysterious loneliness. Pidge’s face turned the slightest bit pink, and Keith thought he saw her eyes dart over to Matt, who wasn’t really paying attention.  
            “Nothing. Just being chatty. You know how he is.” Keith scowled, once again thinking about the fact that Lance was talking to Pidge instead of him.  
            “I… should I talk to him?”  
            “If you want?” Pidge answered. “He’s _your_ soulmate.”  
            “Oh shit, Keith, you and Lance?” Matt said, not turning away from the TV screen. “So, what, you’re gay?”  
            “Matt!” Pidge exclaimed. “Don’t be fucking rude.”  
            “Language!” Colleen called from the kitchen. Pidge sighed.  
            “Don’t be _hecking_ rude. What do you care if my friends are gay? A little hypocritical, don’t you think?”  
            Keith’s embarrassment turned into curiosity as he saw Shiro and Matt’s eyes meet for a moment.  
            “That was _one time,”_ Shiro said, turning red.  
            “Yeah,” Matt agreed. “and we were both stupid drunk.” Matt’s eyes darted to the kitchen door, hoping his mom wouldn’t pipe up.  
            “I _told_ you not to slut it up at college.”  
            “And _I_ told you not to dork up our room. Guess neither of us held up our end of the bargain.” Keith couldn’t help but laugh. “Besides, Kate, people do dumb shit in college. You’re telling me you’ve never done anything—anyone you regret?”  
            “No!”  
            “Come on, Katie. I’m your _brother_ , you can dish to me. No boys???”  
            “Matt…”  
            “No _girls?”_  
            “Matt.”  
            “Seriously, nothing? No make outs or anything?”  
            “Matt for the love of God!! I’m ace, god dammit!”  
            “What?”

            Keith glanced at Shiro and the two very quickly stood up and went into the kitchen, getting out of the crosshairs of the Holt sibling fight. Keith, instead of engaging with Colleen and Allura, decided to talk to Lance.

Keith: wow ok so pidges brother is insensitive as fuck  
Lance: what happened  
Keith: uh

            Did Keith want to admit they were talking about him? Oh shit, and Pidge had said the word soulmate in regards to the two of them, that was what started the whole thing. Keith was tempted to tell Lance they were soulmates; he was tired of this beating around the bush dating nonsense. He just wanted some confirmation on the relationship, but Lance just… didn’t know they were soulmates.

Keith: well we were talking about you and pidge said ‘something something youre the one dating him’  
Keith: and matt was all like ??? keith you gay???  
Keith: like its any of his business  
Keith: anyway he and pidge got heated and pidge just kinda yelled at him that shes ace  
Lance: oh damn

            Keith hesitated but he typed out a message anyway, a message that read ‘lance something happened at the halloween party, something about us’ in preparation of telling lance they were soulmates and dealing with all that nonsense again. His thumb hovered over the send button, and then he… no. He couldn’t do it.

Keith: so uh  
Keith: when are we gonna have that disney marathon??  
Lance: oh yeah!!!  
Lance: i forgot  
Lance: okay lets do it when we get back  
Keith: okay

            Lance was tempted to type out, “I miss you”, but maybe… maybe that would be too much. He thought better of it, even if it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow in my original outline winter break was one chapter but now its three cause like christmas is still a thing??
> 
> the guide to the mcclain clan:
> 
> Abuela/Estela- (Matias’ mother)  
> Ema- Mom  
> Matias- Dad  
> Jacob- 32  
> Rosa- 31 (Jacob’s wife)  
> Mica- 4 (Jacob & Rosa’s daughter, short for Michaela)  
> Carmen- 25  
> Lance- 20  
> Marco- 17  
> Rosario- 12 (female twin)  
> Nathaniel- 12 (male twin)  
> Susana- 9  
> Sebastian- 25 (Carmen’s boyfriend)
> 
> translations:  
> Lance: Holy shit, he is so cute. The way he gets nervous when I flirt with him and how enthusiastic he gets about his motorcycle, and the way he never knows how to be himself around me is so endearing and I just... I... care about him.  
> Carmen: Ay, you have it bad for him, little brother. Have you two kissed yet?  
> Lance: No! And it's driving me crazy!  
> Carmen: You're going to tell everyone else, right?  
> Lance: Yes. Just trying to figure out how. 
> 
> Matias: I love you so much. No matter what.  
> Lance: Thank you, Papa.
> 
> Estela: It's not right. It's not right for you to date another man.  
> Lance: But... he's my soulmate, Grandma. I didn't choose to be this. I didn't choose to be something you'd hate.  
> Estela: You need to find a nice lady and settle down. I can't believe one of my grandsons turned into a fairy and I don't have to like it and I don't have to tolerate it.  
> Matias: If you live in my house, you do have to tolerate it.  
> Ema: Estela, do not speak to him that way. You don't have to be happy about it, but you do have to respect my children.  
> Estela: Fine.


	14. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys each have issues of their own on Christmas.

Lance: hey you  
Keith: what do you want  
Lance: wow so hostile  
Keith: i am not a morning person  
Keith: shiro just dragged me out of the den  
Keith: theres no coffee yet  
Keith: and i forgot to put my phone back on vibrate  
Keith: so i was dozing off in the kitchen chair and then my phone rang and scared the shit out of me  
Keith: so what is it you want  
Lance: just wanted to say merry christmas  
Lance: asshole  
Keith: oh  
Keith: merry christmas  
Keith: hows your break been  
Lance: its been  
Lance: a lot  
Lance: ill fill you in later  
Keith: okay  
Lance: how are things going there  
Keith: i feel  
Keith: i dont know  


            Keith typed out “I miss you”, but he erased it immediately. Allura eyed at him from across the table.  
            “What is it, Keith?” she asked.  
            “I miss Lance,” he murmured, too incoherent from lack of sleep to bother guarding himself anymore. “This is exhausting.”  
            “Just tell him you miss him.”  
            “I can’t.”  
            “Why are you so afraid of your own emotions?” Pidge snipped. “Send the stupid text.”  
            “You don’t get it, Pidge,” Keith muttered, but he turned back to his phone anyway.  
  
Keith: i wish you were here  
Lance: keith  
Lance: thats the cutest thing youve ever said to me  
Keith: yeah its almost like i like you or something  
Keith: dont make me regret that  
Lance: <3  
Keith: lance if you dont stop being gross im gonna fly to florida and kiss your ass  
Keith: ***KICK JESUS CHRIST  
Lance: wow keith buy a guy dinner first  
Keith: i hate you

            Keith set his phone down and let out a groan, letting his head sink onto the kitchen table. After another moment, he heard something being poured and someone settle into the seat next to him.  
            “Coffee?” Sam offered a mug. Keith just reached a hand up and clasped his fingers around the handle as Sam pushed it into his grip. He heard Matt snicker from his other side.  
            “Not a morning guy, Kogane?”  
            Keith lifted his head up, glaring at Matt. “Do I _look_ like a morning guy, Holt?” So maybe Keith was not happy with Matt. The way he handled Pidge’s admission of her sexual orientation left a lot to be desired. In Keith’s minimal experience with him, Matt was nice for the most part, but struck Keith as certainly having some asshole moments, and he hadn’t apologized to him, or more importantly, to Pidge, for being a complete jerk about neither of them being strictly heterosexual people, and things were still tense between Matt and Pidge. Though if there was one good thing to take away from the conversation that took place that day, Keith would bet Lance would be ecstatic to learn that Shiro and Matt had evidently hooked up sometime in their past.  
            As if she could sense the tension in the room, Colleen spoke. “Okay! Breakfast and then presents.” Keith was still waking up, barely stirring as the kitchen table was filled with scrambled eggs and hashbrowns and something that smelled delicious wafting from the oven.  
            “Is that…” Keith perked up a bit, mostly due to the coffee kicking in.  
            “Chocolate croissants!” Colleen answered.  
            Now, normally Keith didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he was hungry and grumpy and already felt displaced enough as it was and didn’t want to alienate himself further by refusing breakfast, and if they were anything like Hunk’s chocolate croissants, they were going to be the best thing at that table. He reached across and grabbed one, obnoxiously crunching it in Matt’s face.  
            “Learn some manners, dude. Haven’t you ever had Christmas breakfast before?” Matt said, his voice playful, but the words biting. Keith took a hard swallow and opened his mouth to answer, but there was a loud thunk and Matt turned to glare at Shiro, who was faking innocence, and Keith immediately understood the exchange that had just occurred; Shiro had probably kicked Matt under the table. Which was… well, given Shiro’s knowledge, it was fair, but Keith was feeling petty and angry and he did something stupid impulsively, and that stupid thing was to reach across the table again for the scrambled eggs, and accidentally-on-purpose knock over Matt’s glass of orange juice. It poured off the table into Matt’s lap, and he sprang up, shooting the dirtiest look he could muster at Keith.  
            “Oops,” Keith said, but he could feel himself smirking a bit.  
            “Ugh! Katie, why is your friend such an asshole?” Pidge, contrary to herself, did not make a snarky retort, instead just sinking into her chair a bit, embarrassed by both of their antics.  
            “You want me to stop being an asshole? Apologize.”  
            Matt withered in the face of Keith’s ultimatum. “Apologize for what?”  
            “You know what.”  
            Everyone else in the room was silent. Everyone was aware that Matt had not been handling the situation well, but they seemed unsure on how to react to Keith’s attitude about it.  
            “Fine, okay, I’m sorry I was making weird comments about you being gay. And I’m sorry I hit a nerve just now.” Keith nodded towards Pidge, and Matt nodded, seeming to realize he was in the wrong there. And it seemed like Matt and Pidge were close, and though maybe it wasn’t his place, Keith would loathe to see a wedge driven between them over something so… not unimportant, but… Keith couldn’t quite think of the word for it. Something that wasn’t worth losing a sibling over. “Yeah… Katie, I’m sorry about how I reacted the other day. Part of it was me not really knowing what being ace is, and that part went away after you explained it, and then it was just me being a jerk. I don’t know why I wanted to fight with you about that… and I…”  
            “It’s okay, Matt,” Pidge muttered. “I knew something like that might happen when I told you. People think this is just a phase, or I ‘haven’t found the right guy’ or I’m some kind of prude, and it just sucked to hear the same kind of stuff from you.”  
            “I was wrong, okay? I just don’t really understand the sorts of feelings you have.”  
            “You don’t have to understand something to respect it, Matt,” Keith said, looking towards Shiro for a semblance of guidance. Pidge seemed to think her parents wouldn’t really get it either, and they just wanted the conversation to end. But Shiro did not have a comforting look on his face, and he was biting his tongue; that much was obvious.  
            Pidge spoke again. “I’ve already done the ‘am I really ace-aro??’ bit with myself. I know it would be great for everyone if I had a boyfriend, I know it would be easier if I weren’t this way. But I am. And I constantly feel like I’m wired wrong, like there’s something wrong with me at a base level—”  
            Matt looked wounded at her words. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Katie. I’m sorry. The last thing I want to do is contribute to those feelings.”  
            “Okay, well then you have to think about what you’re saying before you say it. I already had this whole identity crisis when my soulmate tattoo appeared and—”  
            “Wait, you got your tattoo? What the _hell_ , I haven’t even gotten mine yet!”  
            Pidge couldn’t help but laugh at that, and things seemed to settle down overall. The Holts plus company finished breakfast and started to shift into the other room where the Christmas tree and an abundance of presents were. Keith and Pidge left the kitchen last, and Pidge paused for a moment, Keith pausing with her.  
            “Hey, uh… thanks,” she said. “I love my brother, but I don’t always know what to say to him.”  
            “It’s cool, Pidge. I’ve got your back,” Keith answered. “And that was pretty eloquent.” Pidge’s eyes brightened behind her oversized glasses.  
            “Hey man, don’t be getting sentimental on me,” Pidge laughed, lightly punching Keith in the shoulder before strolling past him into the other room. Keith spotted Matt grabbing a stocking from the fireplace out of the corner of his eye, and Pidge darted across the living room. “Are you starting without me!” Keith smiled, and then his smile faded when he remembered that _he didn’t belong here._ His intervention in Pidge’s family affairs was unwarranted, and his displacement was only furthered when he saw the family unloading their stockings. They were four. Shiro and Allura were two. Keith? Keith was just one. And that isolation turned in his heart and he hated himself for feeling so miserable on Christmas. That was the whole reason Shiro had insisted he come along, right? So he wouldn’t feel miserable? But Keith felt like he’d have rather spent it alone than intruding on someone else’s family. As all these thoughts turned in Keith’s mind, sitting and watching everyone begin to exchange presents, a box was thrust into his hands. His eyes widened and he looked up at the source, feeling a mild panic in his chest.  
            “What—what’s this?” he asked, furrowing his brow at Colleen.  
            “It’s a gift,” she answered, point-blank.  
            “For me?” Keith investigated the name tag on it, turning it in his fingers.  
            “Yeah! We… didn’t want you to feel left out.” Keith was rendered speechless for a moment, and began peeling back the thin wrapping paper, and then opening the box it was hiding. Inside was a thick red jacket that looked like it was much more suitable for the winter chill than Keith’s current jacket, along with some sweaters, one of which had the _Panic at the Disco_ signature text written across it.  
            “Wow, um… thanks…” Keith was grateful, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about the way Colleen had phrased things. But they just kept moving along.  
            “Here, Katie, this one’s for you,” Sam said, passing Pidge another box. By the end of the whole thing, Keith had gotten another box from the Holts with new shoes in it, a book called _Poetry for Dummies_ and a wink from Allura, and a pocketknife from Shiro. His eyes absolutely lit up when he saw the pocketknife, while Colleen and Sam just seemed a bit alarmed.  
            “Holy crap, Shiro, this is a really nice one,” Keith said, a bit in shock. “Thanks.”  
            “You deserve it.”  
            Whether due to time constraints or due to her own comfort level, Colleen began to usher everyone out of the room.  
            “Okay everyone! Clean up! Guests will be here soon!”  
            Keith shot Pidge a confused look. She shrugged. “My mom likes to make it an early dinner, and give everyone a couple hours to socialize.”  
            “Who’s ‘everyone’?”  
            “Just my uncles. My mom is one of four, but her brothers never really cared much about marriage and kids. I mean, Brian has a long-term girlfriend but Lord only knows if they’ll ever tie the knot. Mike has soulmate-related problems and Art doesn’t really come around much.” Keith nodded, grateful it wasn’t going to be a large crowd.

            Keith was glad to have had some time to himself; time to decompress and shower and take a nap. His emotions were all twisted up about the way Christmas was going so far, and when he woke up, his phone had exploded.

Lance started Group Chat: space nerds  
Lance changed Takashi’s nickname: Dad™  
Lance changed Pidge’s nickname: the smol  
Lance changed Hunk’s nickname: Chunky Hunky  
Lance changed Keith’s nickname: Edgelord  
Lance changed Allura’s nickname: Princess Asskicker  
Lance changed Lance’s nickname: Meme King

Meme King: how in the HELL do we not have a group chat yet  
Meme King: its fucking RIDICULOUS  
Dad™: Lance have I ever told you that your sense of humor is terrible?  
Dad™: How do you change the nicknames on this thing?  
the smol: LANCE  
the smol: I AM NOT THAT SMALL  
Meme King: you’re shorter than everyone else so  
the smol: i am a perfectly average height  
the smol: its not my fault everyone else is so FUCKING TALL  
Meme King: okay everyone state your heights  
Meme King: i am 5’11”  
Dad™: 6 foot  
Princess Asskicker: 5’7”  
Chunky Hunky: i’m also 6 foot i think  
the smol: FUCK  
the smol: ALL OF YOU  
Meme King: Keith???  
Edgelord: i can’t believe this is the nonsense i get to wake up to  
Edgelord: but im 5’9”  
the smol: dammit  
the smol: im only 5’3”  
Meme King: and so the nickname is legit  
Meme King: and by the way that is NOT average height  
Chunky Hunky: guys theres SO MUCH FOOD HERE  
Chunky Hunky: this is the best day of my life  
Meme Lord: yeah how is christmas at the holts  
the smol: average  
Princess Asskicker: I’m enjoying myself, despite some tension.  


            Keith set his phone down, not really wanting to talk about what had gone on that day. Or the fact that Lance was taller than him.

             Dinner was, thankfully, uneventful. Keith didn’t think he could take more drama. Pidge’s uncles seemed pretty normal, if a bit brash, and he tried not to feel quite so alone. It seemed like Allura felt a little displaced, too, not sure what to make of it all and probably missing her father, but Shiro clasped her hand in his and she smiled, and Keith’s heart panged. Maybe if Lance was there he wouldn’t feel quite as alone. It was odd, missing someone the way Keith was missing Lance. They weren’t even boyfriends, but they’d established an unbreakable connection, and maybe that was all it meant to be someone’s soulmate. But Keith still wanted to kiss him, still wanted someone to provide comfort the way Shiro and Allura did for each other. His heart was getting impatient, but his head was still guarding his emotions. He didn’t like feeling dependent on someone.

            Everyone dispersed a bit more after dessert was served, and Keith just wanted to excuse himself and go to the den to fuck around on his laptop or something a bit less… social. As he made his way through the house, he heard Shiro’s voice in a nearby room.  
            “…has a thing for knives. I don’t know, they probably make him feel safe.” Keith had felt ambivalent about eavesdropping, and would have continued on his way, until it was clear Shiro was talking about _him._ Then, he felt like he had a right to know what he was talking about, and who he was talking to.  
            “I was just caught off-guard.” That sounded like Sam.  
            “That was a weird gift, Shiro.” The third voice was Matt.  
            “Yeah, well the guy’s got some baggage.”  
            “I mean, I don’t know! He hardly ever talked to me when I’d come over, and you haven’t told me shit.”  
            “I didn’t tell anyone who I didn’t think needed to know.” Keith snorted. “I talked to your parents because I thought it might help to have more adults know what was going on when Keith was younger, and I filled them in on everything else before we came here.”  
            “Man, just seems like he’s got major issues. That stunt he pulled this morning, with the juice?”  
            “Okay, yeah, that was uncool but you have no idea how what you said affected him.”  
            “What did I do?” Matt asked, sounding a bit indignant.  
            “Matt, Keith was… he wasn’t just a friend who was around a lot, he was a kid who’d been living on his own for the better part of a year. He has a, uh… well, he doesn’t have much of a family. He really _hasn’t_ gotten to have a Christmas like this.”  
            Keith sank against the wall, his heart and stomach both in knots. There was a long pause inside the room, and someone said something, but there was too much noise in Keith’s head for him to really hear it. He chose to escape into the den, kicking the innocent bookshelf in a fit of anger. He began pacing for a minute, though the room was too small for that to really bring much relief. How could Shiro start divulging secrets like that? Secrets that weren’t even _his_ to divulge! Everything was beginning to make sense, though. Keith had a sense from the moment he met Colleen Holt that she knew something about him, but he wanted to believe that the words Shiro had shared with them hadn’t extended beyond “Keith had a tough childhood.” To discover that the one person he trusted most in the world had betrayed that trust? That feeling was strangling him from the inside out. He wanted to break something, he wanted to collapse, he wanted to be anywhere but there, but Keith didn’t _have_ anywhere else. He’d reminded himself time and time again that he didn’t belong there, and he’d never felt like he belonged there, and here it was all being thrown back in his face. “God dammit,” he shouted before kicking the bookshelf again. The door creaked open slowly, revealing Shiro on the other side. Keith glared at him, face still red from anger, and he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.  
            “You alright?” Shiro asked.  
            “Do I _look_ alright?” Shiro was silent, a flash of guilt crossing his face. “I heard you talking to them.”  
            “Matt wanted to know why—”  
            “I don’t give a _shit_ what Matt wanted; what about what _I_ wanted? My privacy? My life, my secrets?”  
            “Look, he was asking because he cares. They all do.”  
            Keith gave a dry, hollow laugh. “Pidge? Sure. But her parents? They don’t care. They weren’t being nice to me because they _care._ They were being nice to me because they feel bad for me. They fucking _pity_ me, Shiro.”  
            “Keith, you’re being irration—”  
            “Why are you sharing my life, anyway? It’s not yours to share and it’s not theirs to know. It’s nobody’s business but mine.”  
            “Keith!” Shiro’s voice boomed. “You have _got_ to stop pushing people away. They’re trying to be nice, Keith, not because they feel obligated to or because they feel like someone ought to show you some kindness, but because they _care.”_ Shiro was flaring up in frustration. “I know these people; I’ve grown up with them my entire life and maybe they don’t always understand, but they’re _trying,_ and you’re acting like a dick.”  
            Keith fired it right back at him. “Maybe I don’t need their pity! Maybe I don’t need someone to help look after me! I do just fine on my own, and I’m an adult anyway. I don’t need them, I don’t need you, and I don’t need _Lance.”_ Before Keith could wonder where that last name came from in his muddied up mind, he was already out the door, taking his shitty leather motorcycle jacket and storming out of the house.

 

            Lance was shaken awake early in the morning on Christmas Day by his mother.   
            “¡Levántate! Levántate, mijo. It’s time for Mass.” Lance responded by pulling the covers over his head.  
            “5 more minutes, Mama,” Lance grumbled. Ema sighed.  
            “If I come back in 5 minutes and you’re not up—”  
            “Si, si, si,” Lance murmured. “I’ll be up.” Ema scurried out of the room, but not before shooting a look at Marco in the other bed, who was already sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Ema nodded towards him while looking at Lance.  
            “You should follow his lead,” she said before leaving the room. Lance groaned.  
            “Why am I the problem child here…” he said, burying his face further into the pillow. There was a reason he was procrastinating on getting up, and that’s because Jacob had arrived with Rosa and Mica fairly late the night before, (too late for Lance to have even seen them) and Lance knew that getting up and going to Mass only meant getting closer to having to come out. Again. Marco threw a perfectly-aimed pillow at Lance’s head.  
            “Stop being lazy.”  
            “If I get up right now, it’ll only be to kick your ass.”  
            “Yeah right,” Marco said, barely hiding a smug chuckle. “I’m not 14 anymore, I could totally take you in a fight.” If there was one thing that was bound to get Lance in action, it was a challenge from his little brother.  
            “Okay, that’s it,” Lance all but leapt up out of bed and tackled Marco, grabbing him around the stomach. Marco tried to clasp his arms around Lance in retaliation, but the end result was Marco on the floor in half a headlock, tapping the floor.  
            “Okay, okay, uncle,” he said, while both the boys laughed.  
            “Told you I’d win.”  
            “Don’t be an ass about it.”  
            “You two still up to these antics?” another voice said from the doorway. Lance jumped, then turned to see Jacob standing there.  
            “Jacob!” Marco rushed in for a hug. “How ya been, man?” Jacob laughed, and then gestured for Lance to join the hug, and Lance obliged, more than excited to see his eldest sibling.  
            “I missed you guys,” Jacob said. “Now get dressed and come downstairs. Mica wants to say hi.”  
            Lance lit up. He thought Mica was probably the cutest child in the universe, and that was absolutely not biased at all by the fact that he was her uncle. No way. He got his Sunday best on and ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Rosa, Ema, Carmen, and Abuela were in the kitchen, and Mica was in the living room playing with Susana.  
            “Rosa!” Lance greeted her excitedly. She looked up, stepping out from behind the counter, and—wow, she was… very pregnant. Lance tried to mask his surprise, but she just giggled at him.  
            “If you’re wondering, this one’s a boy,” she said coyly, pulling Lance into as much of a hug as she could manage, but he was immediately pulled away by a smaller voice.  
            “Tío Lance!”  
            “Mica!” He hoisted the 4-year-old girl up. “You’re getting so big, oh my goodness!” Lance planted a kiss on her cheek and absorbed himself in the family’s joyful chatter for the morning, trying to avoid Abuela’s judgmental gaze while they were in the church. Lance had never _really_ been a fan of going to church; he wasn’t sure he believed in a God that would tell him he was made wrong because he liked men too. But he went on Christmas for his mother. It was important to her, and she was important to him, and that was all that mattered. When they got back, Lance needed something to take his mind off things, so he decided to text Keith.

Lance: hey you  
Keith: what do you want  
Lance: wow so hostile  
Keith: i am not a morning person  
Keith: shiro just dragged me out of the den  
Keith: theres no coffee yet  
Keith: and i forgot to put my phone back on vibrate  
Keith: so i was dozing off in the kitchen chair and then my phone rang and scared the shit out of me  
Keith: so what is it you want  
Lance: just wanted to say merry christmas  
Lance: asshole  
Keith: oh  
Keith: merry christmas  
Keith: hows your break been  
Lance: its been  
Lance: a lot  
Lance: ill fill you in later  
Keith: okay  
Lance: how are things going there  
Keith: i feel  
Keith: i dont know  
Keith: i wish you were here

            Lance blinked at his phone in surprise.

Lance: keith  
Lance: thats the cutest thing youve ever said to me  
Keith: yeah its almost like i like you or something  
Keith: dont make me regret that  
Lance: <3  
Keith: lance if you dont stop being gross im gonna fly to florida and kiss your ass  
Keith: ***KICK JESUS CHRIST  
Lance: wow keith buy a guy dinner first  
Keith: i hate you

             “Who’re you talking to?” Lance yet again jumped at his older brother’s voice.  
            “Oh, uh… just a friend of mine.” Lance bit the inside of his lip, doubting himself in the moment. He didn’t like lying, but he _especially_ didn’t like lying to Jacob. “Hey, Jake, can I talk to you for a minute?” The older man nodded and followed Lance into the backyard, which, aside from scattered toys, was empty.  
            “What’s up, Lance?”  
            “Well, I… met my soulmate at school.”  
            “Why do you seem so concerned about that; it’s a good thing, isn’t it?”  
            “Its, uh…” Lance hesitated. He shouldn’t have said anything. Not to Jacob. Not to Abuela. He should have just pretended. That made things easier for everyone involved. No disappointment, no hatred… but here he was, standing in the backyard, leaning on the back of the patio furniture, hands gripping the top of the chair so tightly his knuckles were turning white, and it was time to rip that band-aid off. “My soulmate is… a dude, dude.”  
            “Oh shit,” Jacob answered, running a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you just tell me you’re gay?”  
            Lance yelped in surprise, an offended tingle running through his chest. “Uh… because I’m not? I’m bi.” Jacob raised an eyebrow at him.  
            “What the fuck is that, like you can’t choose between girls and boys, or what? Are you just relabeling yourself because your soulmate just so happens to be a guy?”  
            “That’s not what this is, it’s not something I just _decided_ to be, Jake. I’ve always—”  
            “Whatever, Lance.” Jake’s dismissive attitude about it sent Lance over the edge.  
            “What do you mean, ‘whatever’? You’re being an asshole.”  
            “Look, I don’t care—I mean. I’m just saying, seems like it’s one or the other to me. And I don’t care if you like guys. I just think it’s weird to want both. Let me know when you make up your mind.”  
            Lance tersely let go of the chair “I have. It’s not weird. It’s who I am.” Lance left his elder brother standing outside alone, and once again sought his phone for a distraction, setting up a group chat between himself, Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and Keith. Keith. God, he wanted to talk to Keith. Before too long, Lance got pulled away from the conversation by the arrival of Sebastian (Carmen’s soulmate and boyfriend), and Lance’s aunts and uncles and cousins. He took a deep breath. In that moment, he resolved to call Keith after dinner.

             Keith hadn’t gotten far; it wasn’t like he had Red. He was sitting on a swing in a local park, head in his hands and one foot gently pushing against the ground as he tried not to shiver too much. Even in California, winter nights got chilly. He wanted to go back to the Garrison, and he was thinking about calling an Uber to get him to the train station. Keith slid his phone out of his jacket pocket and stared at it blankly, honestly contemplating for a moment. Was he in the wrong for abandoning Shiro and Pidge and Allura on Christmas? Well, he was alone. That was the way the world intended things to be, according to the cards Keith had been dealt throughout his life. But then… the world had even more recently shown him maybe he _wasn’t_ supposed to be alone. He reached for his shoulder blade and heard the words written there ringing in his ears.  
            _“Hey, your coworker is really cute. Think you could get me a number?”_  
            Lance. And then, Keith’s phone rang in his hands. Again, Lance. And Keith remembered what he’d said less than an hour prior.  
            _“I don’t need Lance.”_  
That was what he wanted to believe. He didn’t need Lance. He didn’t he didn’t he didn’t. He let the first call go to voicemail, and let a breath out, before the phone rang again. Why was Lance calling twice? What if… something was wrong?  
            Whether or not this would have been regarded as a moment of weakness to others, Keith believed it to be, but he answered regardless.  
            “Hello?” Keith said.  
            “Hey… Keith…” Lance’s voice was tired.  
            “What’s wrong?”  
            “I just… wanted to talk to you. You’re the one who said you wished I was there.”  
            “Yeah, well—”  
            “It’s been a long day.”  
            “Same here. Honestly I’m not feeling too good.” Keith shivered.  
            “Are you outside? It’s way too quiet on your end.” Keith took a moment before answering.  
            “Yeah. I… it’s stupid. I got mad about something and I kinda bailed. I shouldn’t have come on this trip.”  
            “Keith, they’re probably worried about you.”  
            “I—”  
            “You have to go back.”  
            “I can’t go back there. I don’t…” Keith sighed.  
            “What’re you gonna do, stay out all night and freeze to death?”  
            “I don’t know, maybe!”  
            “Keith.” Lance’s voice felt more calming than usual. “Please go back to Pidge’s. Don’t do it for them. Don’t even do it for yourself if you don’t want to. But do it for me.”  
            Keith hesitated. “Why?”  
            “Because I want you safe. Go back, and I will see you after New Year’s and we can talk about what happened, or we can _not,_ but I do know one thing, and that’s that we’re gonna have a Disney marathon and copious amounts of alcohol.”

            Shiro was starting to get worried. It wasn’t the first time Keith had lost his temper and stormed out, but it was the longest he’d been gone, and while Shiro’s initial reaction was to let Keith blow off some steam, he was starting to feel as though they should start a search party.  
            “Shiro…?” Allura’s question was implied as her hand settled on his shoulder.  
            “I’m going to go find him,” Shiro answered, but before he could make his way to the door, Keith was walking through it. He looked up at Shiro, eyes apologetic, but still with a twinge of anger in them. Shiro let out a small breath and Keith went back into the den, sleeping off the day’s emotional exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop drama this chapter
> 
> okay so its time for a round of good news bad news
> 
> the bad news is I won't be updating /quite/ as frequently  
> the good news is that i actually have a backlog and will probably have the entire fic finished soon and the other good news is that BECAUSE there's a backlog, i can actually set a consistent schedule and update once a week instead of sporadically whenever i finish a chapter. for my other fics this has been like maybe every two weeks but i'm really really into this one so i figured i should just set a schedule instead of posting every two days  
> so i guess this fic is gonna update every wednesday now


	15. Disney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance have their Disney marathon.

            Keith and Lance planned their movie marathon for the first weekend after New Year’s, and Keith was more than relieved to get out of the Holts’ house. He and Matt were on better terms than they had been, but he was still tense with Shiro, and Allura was caught in the fallout, so Keith and Pidge wound up sitting next to each other on the train ride back, instead of Keith sitting next to Shiro as he had on the way there. Pidge, however, said she needed to work on the final touches on programming for Rover, which was what she and Hunk had affectionately named the robot they were working on, so while she worked on her laptop, Keith just stuck his headphones on and closed his eyes for a while.  
            He dreamt it was Lance sitting next to him instead of Pidge. He dreamt of Lance curling into him, resting his head on Keith’s shoulders, and Keith was able to run his fingers through Lance’s perfect brown hair. He was able to see the stars reflected in Lance’s perfect blue eyes, and find the constellations in his freckles, and they were holding hands like they had at the movies during their first date, and they could cuddle like they had in Keith’s bed on Halloween, and… wow, Keith’s imagination was getting real gay. Keith took a breath and checked the time. Only 4 more hours. Ugh. Taking the train _sucked._ Having a crush _sucked,_ and it sucked even more that Keith couldn’t acknowledge the truth that they were soulmates. Well, he could, but… he wasn't ready.

Pidge: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwAajOtfNT8>  
Pidge: for some reason this reminds me of you  
Lance: pidge this is fake  
Lance: im real gay  
Pidge: yeh gay for EMOS  
Pidge: are you gonna tell keith you know about the soulmate shit?  
Lance: i mean  
Lance: i have to, don’t i?  
Pidge: y e s  
Pidge: for the love of god  
Lance: ok well im seeing him this weekend  
Lance: sucks we don’t have any classes together tho  
Pidge: you don’t?  
Lance: nah he’s not a STEM major so  
Pidge: ah  
Lance: why do you call him emo?  
Pidge: good god have you MET him?  
Lance: yeah i mean  
Lance: moody and angsty sure but emo?  
Pidge: hang on i’ll show you why

            Pidge nudged Keith in the shoulder, stirring him out of his thoughts, and he slipped his headphones off. “Hey, can I see your phone for a sec?”  
            “What, why? Yours is literally in your hand.”  
            “Just indulge me.” Keith furrowed his brow but didn’t want to really question Pidge further, so he just handed his phone over and watched as she scrolled through his music library, snapshotted the ‘Artist’ section, and sent the images to herself  
            “What’s that about?”  
            Pidge didn’t answer, instead returning to her text conversation. Keith shrugged it off and put his headphones back on.

Pidge: IMG.374  
Pidge: IMG.375  
Pidge: IMG.376  
Lance: holy shiiiiiit  
Lance: he IS emo  
Pidge: hahahahahahaha  
Lance: also all these bands are hella outdated  
Lance: if hes gonna learn to love me hes gonna learn to love kesha too  
Pidge: i can’t wait for you guys to break up after an argument about music taste  
Lance: don’t jinx it

            Keith was still ridiculously tense when he and Shiro got home. Both of them started unpacking, and Shiro looked across the room at him.  
            “Do you want to talk about—”  
            “No,” Keith cut him off. “I’m going to the gym.”

            Their paths hardly crossed for the first week of school. It seemed like Shiro was deliberately avoiding being in the apartment too much, which suited Keith just fine, as he let his anger sit and ferment into something bitter. He knew it was Shiro’s way of trying to help, but he couldn’t help but to be mad, and he didn’t intend on confiding in Shiro again any time soon. On Saturday night, Lance came over, laptop bag slung across his shoulder and a grocery bag in either hand, filled with liquor and snacks. Keith raised an eyebrow at Lance as he started unloading in the kitchen.  
            “How’d you get the booze?”  
            “I have a fake ID. But come July, it won’t matter.”  
            Keith smiled a bit. A fake ID was so perfectly _Lance._ “Well it’s a good thing Shiro’s not here. He’d have a conniption if he heard that.”  
            “Yeah, where is he?”  
            Keith’s smile faded. “You know how he is, always disappearing,” he said, not wanting to mention the fact that Shiro was the one he’d gotten mad at on Christmas. “Anyway. How was your break?”  
            Lance winced, not wanting to explain that he’d only just come out. “Long. Good, but long. And tense, at times.” Keith could tell there was something wrong, but he couldn’t quite place it.  
            “Yeah… hey, guess what I found out though?” Lance raised an eyebrow from behind the kitchen counter. “Apparently Shiro and Matt hooked up once when they were both wasted,” Keith said, snickering a bit. Lance snorted and then started laughing.  
            “That… is fantastic. I thought Shiro was like, hella uptight.”  
            “He’s a totally different person around Matt; I think Matt eggs him on.”  
            “Must run in the family,” Lance hummed. Keith grinned for a moment, leaning on the back of the couch. Lance crossed the room to set up the laptop, but he paused for a moment, hugging Keith from behind.  
            “Hey,” he muttered, “I missed you.”  
            Keith was caught off guard, but he went along with it. “I missed you too.”  
            Lance rustled Keith’s hair before walking back over to the entertainment center. “And I can’t believe I’m taller than you!”  
            “Only like two inches!”  
            “Two inches is enough, Keith. I’m surprised we didn’t notice sooner, actually.”  
            Keith blushed a bit. “There’s extra padding in my boots,” he muttered.  
            “Sorry, what was that?”  
            “There’s extra padding in my boots. Makes me look taller.” Lance’s face crumpled, and then he just started laughing. “Shut up!”  
            “I—hahaha! I can’t believe this! Keith Kogane wears lifts!”  
            “I do _not._ That’s just how they’re made!”  
            “Hehe, sure, Keith.”  
            “Just start the stupid movie,” Keith said.  
            “I’m trying, hang on. I have to get the stupid… HDMI in the thing.” And suddenly Lance was behind the TV, bending over and giving Keith a fantastic view of his ass. If Keith still had doubts in his mind about his sexuality, that moment erased literally all of them. One look at Lance’s butt had Keith going, ‘yeah, definitely gay’ in his head. Lance glanced over his shoulder once the cord was plugged in, and Keith quickly looked away. “Keith. Were you _checking_ me _out?”_  
            Keith was decidedly embarrassed. Not for checking Lance out, but for being caught. “Maybe,” he murmured. Lance let out another laugh and plopped onto the couch next to Keith.  
            “For future reference, you don’t have to hide it.” Lance fiddled with his laptop, opening a file that was simply titled ‘Movies’.  
            “How do you have all these on your computer?”  
            “Hmm? Oh. They’re kind of, uh… pirated. I’m a broke college kid, but I love movies, don’t judge me.” Keith barely covered a laugh. “Anyway, what should we start with?”  
            “What did you say was your favorite again? The mermaid one?”  
            “Yeah! Okay. I’ll start the movies, you make the drinks. Vodka with something for me, please.”  
            Keith wanted to steer them away from the alcohol, despite feeling like he could probably use some. The last time Lance had drinks in that apartment, it led to Lance forgetting everything they talked about. “Uh… I don’t really drink a whole lot. Only the occasional beer.” Which was technically true.   
            Lance grimaced at him. “Dude, beer sucks.”  
            “Yeah well… Shiro’s kinda uptight about that stuff.”  
            “Okay,” Lance opened the movie file and paused the player. “I have an idea, come on.” He grabbed Keith’s hand and dragged him into the kitchen. “Alright. Vodka lemonade for me. Done. Now. Smell this,” Lance handed Keith a bottle labeled _Bacardi,_ and Keith took a whiff.  
            “Uh. It doesn’t smell _awful_.”  
            “Taste it.” Hesitantly, Keith unscrewed the lid and took a small sip. It was harsh at first, but not as bad as Keith had been expecting. He gave Lance a slow nod. “Alright. Here,” Lance slid the bottle out of Keith’s hand and poured a little bit into a glass of Coke. “I think you might like this.”  
            “Okay. But… let’s not get carried away.”  
            “Fair enough.”  
            The two boys dropped onto the couch together once Lance started the movie, both sipping on their respective drinks. They watched _The Little Mermaid,_ and then _Aladdin,_ Lance singing along a bit to all the songs as they came on. It was so dorky, so cute, and so endearing, and Keith grinned at him every time. This boy—this perfect, obnoxious, adorably childish boy was going to be the death of him. But while watching the movies, Keith had noticed a commonality. Missing parents, with little to no explanation. Maybe it was just those two. Maybe it wasn’t all the movies.  
            Lance decided to put on _The Lion King_ as the third movie, “because you remind me of Simba a little bit, Keith,” and Keith’s thoughts about the parental situation settled a little bit, because Simba had both his parents. It put his mind at ease at first. But then the stampede scene happened, and whether it be from alcohol or emotions, Keith wasn’t sure, he felt himself start to tear up. And then Simba started calling for his dad, and Keith _really_ started crying.  
            When he spotted Keith tearing up at Mufasa’s death, at first Lance thought it was endearing, but after another moment, Keith looked really genuinely upset. Lance stood up to pause the movie, then turned around to face Keith. It was so surreal to see him cry. The boy who rarely showed any emotion, the boy who kept everything close to his chest, who didn’t seem to let anyone in, had tears rolling down his cheeks over a Disney movie. Lance felt a pang in his chest, a need to protect and console. Was that what it meant to be someone’s soulmate?  
            “Keith, are you alright?” Lance asked calmly. Keith looked up, a pink tinge on his cheeks, and he wiped the tears off his cheeks. So _stupid,_ a 21-year-old man crying at _The_ fucking _Lion King._  
            “Yeah, I just… it’s nothing. Hang on,” Keith stood up to get a tissue, and felt a swirling in his head, a buzz. Oh. That’s what feeling tipsy was like. Lance wasn’t sure for a moment, but decided to give Keith some space, and he sat back down on the couch. When Keith got back from the bathroom, he didn’t know what to say to Lance. “Sorry.”  
            “No, it’s fine. It’s a sad scene, and you’ve never seen the movie before.”  
            “It’s just like… fucking _what?_ His dad just up and dies? Scar’s a dick. He just straight-up murdered his brother.”  
            Lance shrugged. “He’s a villain. It’s what they do.”  
            “That _sucks._ There’s no parents in these movies, they’re just gone, or they die. Isn’t that kind of morbid and depressing?”  
            “Dude, it’s not… it’s not real. They’re cartoons.”  
            “Yeah, but I mean I thought Disney movies were supposed to make you happy, this is just—” And suddenly Keith caught himself. “Nevermind.” Lance’s intuition perked at this. It was not something to be ignored.  
            “Keith, what’s this about?”  
            “I told you, it’s nothing.”  
            “Okay, I know what you said, but it’s clearly not _nothing.”_ Lance laced his fingers into Keith’s, placing his other hand on Keith’s cheek and gently guiding his face so the two were making eye contact. Keith’s eyes were deep and pained and they were clearly bordering on conversation of something heavy. Lance didn’t want to force Keith to talk about it, but he did want Keith to _want_ to talk about it; he wanted Keith to entrust something in him. What Keith saw in Lance’s eyes wasn’t quite understanding, but it was a capacity to understand, a longing to be a bigger part of Keith’s life. So, after what felt like a very long moment, Keith let out a sigh.  
            “You know how I told you I bailed on Christmas?”  
            “Yeah?”  
            “It was because I overheard Shiro talking to Sam and Matt about my past…”  
            Lance was wary about overstepping his bounds, but it seemed like Keith was beginning to open up a bit. “What about your past?”  
            “He said that… I’d never had a real Christmas before. Which is true. I never really did have a Christmas like that—hell, I barely had a childhood.” Lance gripped Keith’s hand, a gentle reminder that he wasn’t alone. “My mom… I don’t really remember her. She was never in my life. Dad said she bailed when I was an infant. Dad stuck around for a while, but I remember being able to tell he wasn’t really happy about it. He’d work long hours and not really want much to do with me when he got home. I mean, he fed me and made sure I went to school and had clothes, but that was the extent of it. No movies, no home-cooked meals… nothing. And then, when I was 12, he just kind of left. I think he was overwhelmed, but… ugh. I got dumped onto the state, made someone else’s responsibility, and got thrown into the foster system. For years, I got handed from family to family, from place to place, somehow shifting from Texas to California. Some families cared more than others, and to some, it was just a means to an end. A way to get a check from the government; money that was supposed to go to my care but didn’t. I’d finally had enough, when I was 15, and I ran away from my foster family. They must’ve not reported it, or my social worker just never found me, I don’t know which. But, I was completely on my own for almost a year. I’d find money people dropped on the ground, take things to the recycling plant for cash, hang out behind restaurants and steal their leftovers… it was the hardest year of my life. In that year, I, uh…” Keith’s voice trailed. There was more he wanted to say, but didn’t want to say at the same time. He paused for a moment. Lance just looked at him, all patience and… Keith wasn’t sure. There was something about Lance’s presence that was calming. But Keith still chose to bite his tongue. “That year was tough. And then, uh, Shiro found me scavenging in a dumpster. I can’t imagine what I looked like, a scraggly little 16-year-old in a dumpster, skinny and dirty as all hell… he was, what, 20? 21? Insisted on taking me back to his place and giving me a real meal and a shower. Somehow, along the line, the state handed me off to him and he actually stuck around. He didn’t need to after I turned 18, but he did. He helped me get into the Garrison, let me live here with him instead of the dorms…and here I am. It’s…  I was getting upset because I don’t have… parents… I… sorry, that’s a lot to just dump on you like that.”  
            “Don’t. Don’t ever apologize. You’ve been through some tough shit and you deserve to be able to talk about it.” Lance had Keith’s hands clasped between both of his. “Don’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”  
            Keith wasn’t entirely sure why he’d said all that. Maybe it was the buzz, or maybe it was because he genuinely trusted Lance. “I don’t know… I think, maybe, never having a real family… maybe that’s why I close myself off so much.” This wasn’t just a guess, this was something Keith was acutely aware of about himself. It was something Shiro had helped him figure out, and something he was still working through. “I’m afraid to care about people because everyone who was ever ‘supposed’ to love me has left.”  
            Lance felt a spurt of guilt. He needed to tell Keith the truth. And he needed to tell him _now._ “Keith, I—”  
            “Please don’t say anything right now,” Keith turned away, sinking on the couch a bit and letting himself lean on Lance. It was a touch embarrassing to have said so much. “Let’s just finish the movie.”  
            Lance gave a solemn nod, disappointed to lose the perfect moment, and losing himself in the guilt he felt at keeping such a big secret for so long. All he could do was hope another moment came soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looking like this fic is gonna be 21-22 chaps long  
> lol when i started this is was gonna be like a few chaps, a short fun thing. I have no self control
> 
> ALSO thanks everyone for 500 kudos!


	16. Homesickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things finally come to light

           Shiro was back home the next morning, and upon seeing him, Keith nearly retreated back into the bedroom, but Shiro said something that made him freeze.  
           “Keith, I’m sorry.” These words were certainly not what Keith had been expecting to hear. “You were right to be upset. It wasn’t my place to be saying things like that. It wasn’t right for me to tell them about you.”  
            “Yeah, it wasn’t. What made you think it was okay?”  
            “Because I met you when I was 21 and not a well-equipped adult. I needed a… I needed people who were real adults, who knew more about dealing with kids than I did. And when they ask me how you’re doing, I…” Shiro let his voice trail. Keith didn’t answer. “Look, I know it seems like I always have a handle on things, but I don’t. Sometimes I need help and sometimes I make bad decisions, but please know that it came from a good place. And that doesn’t invalidate your right to be mad, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”  
            Keith looked away for a moment, letting out a long breath. “I get it. I know you were trying to help. I just kind of… lost my cool.”  
            “Patience yields focus.” Ah. That phrase. That was Shiro’s go-to when Keith blew his top. “What made you come back that night?” Shiro asked, feeling like he already knew the answer. Keith didn’t turn back to face Shiro when he answered.  
            “Lance.”

            With both Lance and Keith being full-time students, their paths began to cross a lot less, which was unfortunate, but what _was_ fortunate about that was that it forced them to set a date night, which in turn gave them something to look forward to every week. But it also was beginning to make both of them wonder when they were going to just seal the deal. Lance knew he still needed to come clean, but the timing had to be right. Okay, maybe Lance was delaying things because he didn’t know how Keith would react. Keith was a hothead. One wrong move and everything was gone. But Lance was still thinking of home; the way Jacob hadn’t understood, had been so callous about everything, and the way Abuela had spoken to him so harshly in Spanish. “It’s not right,” she’d said. But everything about Keith _did_ feel right. They were soulmates. All he wanted was to be able to have his family _and_ his boyf—and Keith. And despite the negativity, he missed home. Things were getting tight, financially, and Lance was beginning to doubt he’d be able to go home for the summer. He’d have to work, probably, to pay rent. He… he wasn’t going to be home for his 21 st birthday. The reality of this situation began to sink in, and the conversation he’d had with Keith about his personal history made Lance really grateful for what he did have. He had his parents and he had Carmen and he had all his younger siblings behind him. Maybe that would be enough. Lance looked up at the stars as he waited outside the restaurant for Keith, and he wondered if his family missed him already. It wasn’t as if he’d been gone for that long. Only a few weeks. He let out a breath and scrolled through the pictures on his phone until he came across the family portrait from a few years back. Ugh. Lance hated how this happened every time he went back to school. He _always_ felt homesick.

            Keith noticed Lance from afar and just looked at him for a moment. There was a sort of somber look on his face, and Keith needed to take a second to appreciate it. It wasn’t often that Lance wasn’t cracking jokes or wearing a stupid grin. Keith watched as Lance looked to the sky, his eyes wandering, and then his shoulders slumped and he slid his phone out of his pocket. That seemed as good a moment as any for Keith to approach. He placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder.  
            “Hey,” he said, glancing down quickly at the picture Lance was looking at before the other boy fumbled with the phone and shoved it back in his pocket.  
            “Jesus, Keith! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”  
            “Sorry, you just looked…” Keith paused. “Looked like you needed a moment when I first got here.”  
            Lance let out a breath. “Yeah…”  
            Keith furrowed his brow at Lance. “What were you thinking about just now?” he asked, as the two made their way into the restaurant.  
            “I’ll, uh…” Lance remembered Keith confiding in him mere weeks before. “I’ll tell you about it later.” Keith’s heart whined. It was the slightest bit discouraging that Lance didn’t confide in him as he had in Lance, but knew he couldn’t push things too much.

            Dinner out was like any other dinner out—Lance gave Keith a hard time about his taste in music and Keith gave Lance a hard time about his taste in movies. They talked and laughed and made jokes with each other, but Keith was still thinking about the fact that Lance hadn’t opened up to him. After they paid the check, they decided to just walk around the town, hands clasped in each other’s at their sides.  
            “So, what was on your mind earlier?” Keith asked. Maybe it was in poor taste, but he couldn’t help himself.  
            Lance hesitated to answer. After Keith divulged his past to Lance, Lance wanted to err on the side of caution when it came to talking about family. Still, Keith had been the one to ask, and Lance _also_ didn’t want him to think that he was keeping secrets from him (even though he _was_ keeping a big secret). “Oh… I was just thinking about my family.”  
            “Oh,” Keith muttered, looking at the ground for a moment. “What’re they like?”  
            The question caught Lance off-guard. “What?”  
            “Tell me about them.”  
            Lance blinked in surprise, and then smiled. “Okay, well there’s my youngest sister, Susana. She’s 9, and right now her infatuation is planes. Talking about how she wants to be a pilot. She’s also really enthusiastic about animals. Heh, one time she found a kitten under Carmen’s car and brought it in and asked Mama if we could keep it. We ended up taking the poor thing to the vet because we weren’t sure what else to do, and Susana was heartbroken. And, uh, and then there’s Nathaniel and Rosario. They’re 12; twins. Rosario’s getting real athletic. She just joined the soccer league and her coach says she’s the best defense kicker he’s seen in years. I picture her getting some kind of scholarship for sports. Nathaniel’s getting more into art and music. I guess he’s starting piano lessons soon, and he’s been wanting me to teach him some stuff on guitar, but it was in storage when I went home for break. And those two together? They’re outrageous pranksters. I kept waiting to find cellophane on the toilet in the middle of the night, but they might have outgrown that one, I dunno.”  
            “Gee, wonder where they learned that,” Keith said, a soft smile on his face. Lance playfully bumped his shoulder as they walked.  
            “Ha ha. Okay, wait, there’s more.”  
            “There’s more? How many siblings do you have?”  
            “There’s seven of us.”  
            “Holy shit.”  
            “Right. So, Marco. 17. He’s not sharing much lately. Seems kind of down, actually, but it’s probably just because he’s 17.” Keith furrowed his brow at this, but didn’t interrupt. “I can still take him in a fight, though. Mama also said he applied to the Garrison, but I think he wants to stay in Florida.”  
            “I don’t think they could take two McClains here.”  
            “Smartass. There’s Carmen. She was always the most supportive, about my, uh, sexuality. My parents said they’re cool with it, but I don’t think they really understand. Abuela _really_ doesn’t understand,” Lance muttered. “And my older brother, Jacob. Man, he was kind of a dick about things, when I came out,” Lance said, conveniently leaving out that this happened only weeks ago. “I sort of expected it from Abuela, but from Jacob? That really just… sucked.” Keith hesitated, then squeezed Lance’s hand. “Man… my brother was my _hero_ when I was a kid. He was, like, the coolest guy. On the football team, charming, an honor roll student… He joined the army right out of high school and then he was _actually_ a hero. He almost died on deployment trying to save some civilians. Scared the shit out of everyone. And his visits have been… sparse, since he got married. I mean, I love Rosa and Mica, my niece, but I always wished Jake’d been around more. He was like, the epitome of expectations I wanted to live up to. So to hear him so… I dunno, dismissive? Disappointed? In me?” Lance sighed. Keith wasn’t sure what to make of all that. Lance always seemed so confident in who he was. Of course, Keith had never really had to come out, so maybe he didn’t really get what Lance had to deal with. Okay. They needed to handle their shit. He needed to tell Lance they were soulmates. In that moment, Keith did something wholly against his nature and he pulled Lance into a hug. Lance was completely caught off-guard, but after a moment, he wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist and let his forehead rest on Keith’s shoulder. Both boys found such solace in that moment, solace that they weren’t alone in the world, that they both had someone else to help them carry their baggage. “I guess I was just thinking about all that shit you told me and I felt really lucky to have them. Even though they don’t always get me.” They lingered in the hug for a moment, simply absorbing each other’s presence.  
            “Hey… Lance?” Keith muttered in his ear. They broke the hug to make eye contact, but still had their arms clasped together. “There’s something I need to tell you.”  
            “Yeah… there’s something I need to tell you, too.”  
            Keith looked at Lance expectantly. Lance took a hard swallow and looked away for a moment. “I… um. I…” his eyes swiveled to the sign of the building behind Keith. Keith was waiting for Lance to say whatever it was he wanted to say, and then he saw Lance’s face light up. “I think we should go dancing!” Lance pointed excitedly to the building, and Keith turned to see what he was talking about. An 18+ club. Lance mentally beat himself for prolonging this _even further_ , _why does he always panic like that?_ But he did actually want to go dancing. Okay, but tonight was still going to be the night. He _needed_ to tell Keith the truth, what the hell did he keep waiting for? Keith looked back at Lance, his expression deadpan.  
            “Oh. I guess… if that will cheer you up.” Keith wasn’t a big fan of the idea; he sucked at dancing and it seemed like the kind of place that would have way too many people for Keith to really feel comfortable, but at the same time, it was for Lance. Lance, who, apparently, Keith couldn’t really say no to. Lance grinned, then grabbed Keith’s hand and tugged him into the building.

            Keith spent a while lingering at the table, not really sure what to do with himself. Lance was on the dance floor, enjoying himself. Okay. Keith was done denying himself his attraction to Lance. He’d already learned about Lance’s ass, but that night, the clincher was Lance’s hips. He rolled them in such a way that made everything inside Keith turn. Lance turned on the dance floor, spotting Keith staring, which only made Keith’s blush flare up, and then Lance just grinned at him before walking over to the DJ and whispering something in his ear. He pointed at Keith as he explained, and then the DJ nodded and Lance made his way back towards the table. He grabbed Keith’s hand.  
            “Come dance with me,” he said, trying without success to pull Keith out of his chair.  
            “I really, uh, really can’t dance.”  
            “Come _onnnn,_ that was the whole point of coming in. I requested a song just for you.” Keith furrowed his brow at Lance, and then “Na Na Na” came on.  
            “You asked them to play MCR?”  
            “Yeah, it was the only way to get you to come out there with me.” Keith smiled, and let Lance pull him onto the dance floor, where they both just went all out. Lance’s moves were a lot more coordinated—Keith hadn’t been lying when he said he couldn’t dance—but he was having fun, and the song request had been a kind gesture nonetheless. Lance laughed as Keith roughly sang along with the lyrics and did shitty air guitar. It was… it was different, to see Keith let loose like that, and it was a pleasure to see him less guarded than ever, even being kind of silly. He snuck his phone out of his pocket and filmed Keith as he jumped up and down to the music, snickering a bit, and then Lance sent the video off to the group chat.

Group Chat: space nerds

Meme King: thought you guys might appreciate this  
Meme King: sent a video  
the smol: OHHHHH MY GODDDDDDD  
the smol: look at him go  
the smol: i stg im gonna hack his facebook to send this to everyone he knows  
Dad™: Don’t.  
the smol: you are literally no fun

            After “Na Na Na” ended, Keith moved back towards Lance.  
            “Are you satisfied with yourself?” Keith asked, but he was smiling.  
            “Yes, actually. That was pretty cute. Now come on. Dance to _real_ music with me.”  
            “Don’t be an ass,” Keith said, but he was still smiling, and he did stay on the floor with Lance during the next song, “Talk Too Much” _._ Lance literally danced circles around Keith, and then Keith wrangled Lance closer to him, their waists close, their hips close, Lance rolling his into Keith. Keith blushed, not wanting to think about what hip rolls like that could do to him below the waist, but he kept moving. Lance began leaning in, singing the words in Keith’s face during the second chorus.  
            “ _You know I talk too much_  
            _Honey, come put your lips on mine_  
 _And shut me up._  
 _We can blame it all on human nature._  
 _Stay cool, it’s just a kiss._  
 _Oh, why you gotta be so talkative?_  
 _I talk too much, we talk too much._ ”

            Keith wasn’t sure if Lance was just singing the lyrics, or actually insinuating something. They were mere inches apart by the time the song ended, Lance’s arms around Keith’s shoulders, and Keith not being quite sure what to do with his hands as the next song started. It was a familiar song. “My Type” _._ Oh god, Keith had a sudden bout of déjà vu. It was the song they’d danced to at the Halloween party. The boys were frozen in place, not even moving to the song, just studying each other, as if everyone else had just vanished. Finally, Lance moved one of his hands to Keith’s chin. Keith looked at him, his head screaming for him to pull away. But he didn’t let himself move.  
            “So, what do you say, Keith? Can I kiss you?” There was definitely a sultry tone in Lance’s voice, and Keith’s breath hitched, every muscle in his body stiffening. He bit his lip, trying to take in everything that was happening, until he couldn’t think anymore. He had to stop thinking. He never thought, he ran on impulse; why was this any different?  
            “Fuck it,” he muttered. “We’re soulm—”  
            The words had barely left Keith’s lips before they were met with Lance’s. This was not a rough kiss, this was a gentle one, like Lance was asking for permission for more, and yet it was everything Keith expected. Lance knew how to kiss. Keith, however, was not at all what Lance had expected. His personality was fiery, impetuous, and temperamental, but in that moment, he was unsure. Lance didn’t want to push too far. It was enough that they were even kissing. After a long moment, Lance drew back a bit, tilted his head forward so his and Keith’s forehead were touching, and let out a small laugh.  
            “What’re you chuckling at?” Keith asked, a light smile on his face.  
            “I just… I told you that was our song,” Lance said.  
            “Wait… what?” Keith pulled away, and Lance had the sharp realization of what he’d just said. “You told me that at the Halloween party.”  
            Lance faltered. “I, uh… I can explain.” But it was already too late.  
            “So you mean to tell me that you’ve been lying to me about that for over _two months?_ I’ve been sitting here wondering what the fuck we’re doing, how I’m supposed to tell you that we’re soulmates all over again, dealing with my own issues about getting close to people, and you were _lying_ to me?” Keith’s heart was pounding with anger. Talk about emotional whiplash. “I am _sick_ and _tired_ of people abusing my trust. I can’t do it anymore.” His voice was bitter and disdainful in the last sentence, and he just wanted to walk away from it all. So he did. Lance felt his heart shatter. He reached out for Keith as he turned to leave, grabbing his hand.  
            “Keith, wait! I—” Keith turned for a moment, yanking his hand out of Lance’s grip.  
            “I don’t want to hear it, McClain.”  
            And with that, Keith walked out of the club and made his way back to Red, while Lance stood alone in shock in the middle of the dance floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhh okay life has been kinda crazy! in the last week i've moved back to school, gotten a job, lost a job, and gotten different job offers, and classes have started so things are hectic! luckily that won't affect this fic since it's done already!! and its a whopping 21 CHAPTERS!!! lol i started this and was like "ehh i dunno it'll be a short one maybe 3 chapters?" but gosh i love klance so much i needed to write more but yah there's like 5 more chapters  
> anyway i might start taking small commissions for writing? not just voltron but other things i'm familiar with (RWBY, Homestuck, Teen Titans? and other stuff) so more info on that probably coming to my tumblr soon @ blake-babeadonna
> 
> okay notes about this actual writing... at this point i kinda realized i'd written myself into a corner? the 'liar-revealed' plot is like... ehhhh to me personally but i didn't know where else to go with it and they won't spend too long moping around about this, i promise. 
> 
> MUSIC in this chapter  
> -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm8xIo_2Aok  
> -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYqALMnfTSA (the klance THEME SONG imo)  
> -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWc2X8fSuc


	17. Apologetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith finally have to confront their emotions

            “Hunk, I messed up real bad,” Lance whined, flopping his arms down at his side as he stared face-up at the ceiling.  
            “Yup,” Hunk agreed. Lance sat up on the couch to look at him.  
            “Ya know, that’s not very helpful.”  
            “What do you want me to do, say everything’s going to be fine?”  
            “That’s exactly what he wants,” Pidge muttered. She and Hunk were sitting on the floor finishing things on Rover. Lance didn’t respond, simply falling backwards onto the couch. “Lance, come on, you’ve been doing this for weeks. You need to talk to Keith.”  
            “Yeah, I’m sure if you just tell him why you said—” Lance cut Hunk off.  
            “I’ve _tried._ He won’t answer my calls.”  
            “Can you blame the guy?” Pidge asked.  
            “Look, if I’d known he had such big trust issues, I wouldn’t have lied to him. I shouldn’t have anyway. But I didn’t know and I had my head up my ass about my own problems, ughhhhh.” Lance rolled over, attempting to suffocate himself with a pillow.  
            “Come on, dude, they were important issues that you needed to deal with.” This was why Lance liked talking about this stuff with Hunk. Pidge was often too cynical, particularly about relationships. Hunk, even if he didn’t always agree with the way Lance handled things, was often much softer with his advice. “Now, you have another important issue to deal with.” Lance threw the pillow at Hunk.  
            “And how do you propose I do that, Hunk?”  
            They were interrupted by a series of beeps and a cheer from Pidge. “Rover is operational!” The pyramid-shaped drone beeped in response, the lights in it blinking in rhythm. Lance stared at Pidge. “Sorry.”  
            “What is that thing supposed to do anyway?”   
            “ _Rover_ is a highly advanced home security device. I connected the uplink to my phone and programmed him to automatically stream the footage to my phone when there’s motion detected. He also records and sends audio files to programmed contacts, and since he’s hooked up to my phone, all my contacts are already programmed in.”  
            “Huh. That’s pretty cool.”  
            Hunk looked from Rover to Lance, and back to Rover. “I think I know how to get Keith to listen to you.”

 

            Nearly three weeks after the nightclub incident and Keith still wanted to drown himself. The worst part was that he couldn’t _just_ be mad at Lance. As much as he muttered under his breath that Lance was a thoughtless asshole, that Lance was an inconsiderate jerk, that Lance had pulled the biggest dick move in the history of dick moves, and that he hated Lance and never wanted to see him again, the bottom line was that there was more to it, and it certainly wasn’t true that Keith never wanted to see him again. Sure, Keith was angry, and he had every right to be, but the part that made it worse was that he missed Lance. He wished he had the capacity to forgive and forget, and maybe— _maybe—_ he did, but he certainly wasn’t there yet. He was stewing in anger and bitterness and at the bottom of it all? A little bit of heartbreak. Despite a couple bumps in the road, things had been going _well._ And this fucking development gave Keith more emotional hurt than he knew how to handle. He’d been trying to be productive; taking extra hours at Beezer’s when he could, throwing himself into his homework—since talking to Lance about his past he was even more emphatic about becoming a social worker and helping kids out of situations like the one he’d been in—and when there was no work to be done, Keith would go spar or practice boxing at the gym and ride Red around town just to relieve some stress. It was better than breaking shit like he used to, when he was a 16-year-old kid with the same problems, but they were fresher in his memory and he had even _less_ emotional stability (Shiro put a stop—or a slow, anyway—to teenage Keith’s destructive tendencies when Keith nearly broke Shiro’s prosthetic arm in half). But one afternoon, Red almost broke down, and Keith did not have the energy to fix it that night, and he was obviously already tense, which resulted in Keith nearly kicking his own motorcycle over, and later ripping up a page of notes during a frustrating study session. In fact, he had to refrain himself from chucking his phone against the wall when it went off. Lance kept trying to call him, but it had been a few days since the last attempt and Keith figured he’d given up. Which was fine. Keith didn’t want to talk to him anyway (except for the small part of him that did). But his phone went off and Keith was ready to throw it before he even checked the screen. It was a good thing he caught himself, though, because it said “Text Message: Pidge Gunderson”.

 

Pidge: hey keith  
Keith: thank god its you  
Pidge: why  
Keith: because i’d rather talk to you than who i thought it was  
Keith: and i’m having kind of a bad day  
Pidge: what happened?  
Keith: red broke  
Keith: barely made it home  
Keith: i’m getting pissed off at my homework  
Keith: and i can’t get to the gym to blow off some steam  
Keith: because of problem number one  
Keith: what did you want  
Pidge: just wanted to test something  
Pidge: hunk and i finished our work on rover and i want to make sure the audio formatting actually works  
Pidge: so i’m gonna send you something but it’ll come from a weird number  
Keith: alright

 

510-202-0102 has sent an audio file.

             Before Keith opened the file, he programmed the number into his phone as Rover (Robot Pidge). Then he clicked back to the message and hit the audio file. It crackled as it started to play, and then Keith heard an all-too-familiar voice.

            “Is it on? Wha- I don’t know how it—! Okay.” Lance. Keith’s grip on the phone tightened and he wanted to… he didn’t really know what he wanted, he just felt frustration flare up inside of him. “Keith, before you break your phone or something please listen to me. I didn’t want to do it this way but you won’t answer my calls. Look. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I was going to tell you… I wanted to tell you that night you told me about your past. I wanted to tell you before we went dancing that night. I wanted to tell you the whole time, that I knew we’re soulmates. And I only felt worse about it, the longer it went on. Especially after I realized how hard it is for you to trust people. And you’re probably wondering why I lied in the first place, but… the thing about that is I’m not… I wasn’t out to my family. I am now, and I’m open about things here in college, but… I wasn’t out to them at the time. You asked me that morning if I remembered, if I remembered Halloween, and I panicked, thinking about how they would feel about us being soulmates. But it shouldn’t have mattered how they felt! What mattered was how I felt. It was a stupid move, and I’ve been wanting to take it back since the minute the words left my mouth. Somehow I decided that I couldn’t tell you until I came out, and I did that over winter break.” Keith remembered what Lance had said about his family; that his abuela wasn’t happy and his brother wasn’t kind. The fact that Lance had dealt with it less than a month prior... did it change things? “I came out because I needed to, yeah, but you were what ultimately drove me to do that, even if you didn’t know you did. Because… I care about you, probably more than you realize, and maybe even more than I realize myself. I guess… I guess I just hope you have the heart to listen to this, and think about things and maybe in time, forgive me? I just… want things to be okay again. Maybe we don’t date, and maybe we just go back to being friends, but I don’t like not having you in my life. I… I understand if you don’t want that, though. This is all my fault anyway. Uh. I guess that’s it. Hope I hear from you soon, Keith.”  
            As he listened to Lance’s words, Keith let some of his anger fade. Lance had been just as torn up about things. Keith was still mad, but the regret in Lance’s voice was genuine. Keith laid his phone on the desk, contemplating what to do next.

 

            “Did it send?”  
            “Are you questioning my tech work? Of course it sent,” Pidge said, crouching over Rover. The message had, indeed gone through. Now it was only a matter of time. Lance was, of course, beside himself. Hunk and Pidge did their best to distract him with Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros., until Pidge had to leave to help her _own_ soulmate with a dilemma, and Lance gave up on the Gamecube, claiming he was too distracted to play anyway. But this just led back to him fretting.  
            “Why hasn’t he _called_ me, Hunk?”  
            “I don’t know,” Hunk answered, his voice tired. Lance let out a groan and let his head slump onto the kitchen table. “Okay, Lance, I love you, you’re my buddy, but… I gotta get to bed.”  
            “‘kay,” Lance mumbled. With Hunk gone, Lance didn’t really know what to do with himself besides think about Keith. He gave the biggest sigh he could and then went to the freezer, hoping there was still some ice cream left. Sure enough, there was half a container of Cookies ‘n’ Cream, so Lance grabbed a spoon and dug in. As if his luck that night couldn’t get any worse, his phone rang _right_ when he had his mouth full. One look at the caller ID had Lance choking on the spoon. He spluttered for a moment, set the treat aside, and answered the phone.  
            “Hello?”  
            “Hey.” Keith’s voice sounded tired.  
            “Keith, I—”  
            “No. I listened to your message and now I need you to listen to mine.”  
            Lance closed his eyes and took a breath. “Okay.”  
            “So… I can’t pretend to understand what coming out to your family felt like, because I never had a family to come out to. Hell, I didn’t even realize I was gay until a few months ago. But that’s not what this is about. Just because I know why you did this… it doesn’t mean that I’m ready to let it go. But I don’t really like the idea of not having you in my life either. Because… we _are_ soulmates. And…” Keith sighed.  
            “What?”  
            Keith hesitated to keep talking. “I don’t know. I need some time. I mean… I think maybe we should just be friends.” That was… that was good. Keith knew he needed to let his walls come down, and just as he’d come to forgive Shiro, he wanted to come to forgive Lance. “For now, anyway.”  
            “For now?”  
            “Yeah. For now. As long as you don’t lie to me anymore.”   
            “Yes, I swear! No more lies, I swear! En mi vida.”  
            “Okay. So friends for now. And then… and then we’ll see.”  
            “We’ll see…” Lance repeated. “Okay.” And it was. It was okay for then. It was enough.  
            “Alright. Uh, well, it’s like 2 in the morning, so I’m gonna get some sleep. Uh. Good night, Lance.”

 

            And that was it. Lance had been expecting things to go far worse, but aside from occasional awkward glances, things pretty much went back to normal. At least, for the most part. Keith and Lance were still tiptoeing around each other’s issues, but both were glad that the other was trying, even if things weren’t easy. Keith was still hurting and Lance still felt guilty, but at the very least they were on speaking terms. Then March rolled up and it was time for yet another trip home. Well, for Lance, anyway. The subject came up when Hunk mentioned going to Hawaii for break—apparently his sister was getting married.  
            “Dude, Hawaii? That’s awesome,” Lance said, laughing a bit.  
            “Yeah, I’m jealous, the coolest place I ever get to go is Los Angeles,” Pidge added.  
            “Okay, but LA at least has all the theme parks,” Lance said.  
            “All the bigger and better versions are in Orlando anyway.”  
            “Do you know how far from Orlando I actually live?”  
            “Do you guys think it would be ostentatious to invite Shay to the wedding too?” Hunk asked.  
            “Not if your sister gave you a plus one. Besides, Shay is your soulmate,” Lance said. His eyes focused on Keith for a second, and then he looked away, cheeks turning a bit pink.  
            “At least you guys all _have_ somewhere to go,” Keith muttered. “Shiro’s going on a trip, too, somewhere with Allura I guess.” Lance suddenly got an idea.  
            “Keith, you should come home with me!”  
            Keith flared up, embarrassed. “Why? It’s not like we’re, uh… you know I haven’t totally forgiven you, right?”  
            “Yeah, but, like… don’t stay in your apartment alone. We can make this a ‘friends’ trip.” There was something more in Lance’s voice that Keith couldn’t quite think of the words for. He’d exhibited so much regret in his actions, though, and if Keith just ignored that, there was no chance of patching things up. Which Keith _wanted_ to do, because even if he didn’t want to admit it, he still _liked_ Lance. He was angry, and healing, but he still liked Lance, and he wanted to be able to forgive him, when he felt ready. So, with a deep breath, Keith agreed to spending spring break with the McClains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhh I hope I didn't resolve that issue too quickly. Like I said, I didn't want them to just kinda mope and dope for too long... Keith is still salty but he also rly likes Lance (and is learning how to deal with feelings) sooooooo....... idek


	18. Travel Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance takes Keith home for Spring Break. They get off to a good start.

            Keith was a bit wary about the trip. The airport was crowded and intimidating and he didn’t even really have a big suitcase, just his duffel bag, so everything he needed was squeezed into his carry-on, jacket included. It was warm in the airport anyway, so after he’d had to take it off to go through security, he just stuffed it in with everything else.  
            “Why didn’t you just check a bag?” Lance asked.  
            “I didn’t overpack, unlike you,” Keith bit back, not wanting to admit he didn’t _own_ proper luggage.  
            “Hey, I am a man with _needs.”_  
            “Whatever, let’s just get to the gate.”

            And of course, they were in a later boarding group, and by the time they got on the plane, almost all of the overhead bins were full, which led to Keith having to leave his bag about a dozen rows away from their actual seats. Keith sidled into the window seat, Lance taking the middle after him and a stranger on his other side. Great. Being wedged in for an 8-plus-hour flight was less than ideal. As they began their take-off, Keith watched out the window as the plane tilted into the sky and the ground fell away, and he bounced in his seat a bit. Lance snickered.  
            “We’re… we’re flying,” Keith said, looking back at Lance.  
            “Yeah, that’s what planes do. Have you—have you never been on a plane before?” Keith shook his head no. “Really?”  
            “No! When would I have been on a plane?”  
            Lance smiled a bit. Keith certainly wasn’t the naïve type, but the fact that there were these facets of life that Keith had never experienced was sort of endearing.

            A few hours in, after watching a movie on his laptop, Lance glanced over at Keith. He’d slumped over a bit, head resting on the window as he slept, the occasional light snore coming from his direction. _Fuuuuck,_ he was so cute. Lance bit his lip. He really wanted to fix things, and _maybe_ bringing a guy home was not going to go over well— even if they were “just friends” Lance was hoping for things to change— but Lance was trying to be optimistic about it. Besides, Keith was important. He deserved more than a spring break of loneliness. Lance glanced back over at Keith, noticing the little goosebumps on his arms. Well, this was as good a time as any to make a gesture. Lance thought back to when they were snooping outside Pidge’s room, how wearing Keith’s jacket made his stomach turn with giddiness, and then he slid his own off and laid it gently over Keith, like a blanket, before putting his earbuds back in and trying to close his eyes for a bit. Lance had trouble sleeping on flights, which made his cross-country trips a bit brutal, so he was still up when Keith jolted awake, and subsequently looked very confused about Lance’s jacket laying over him. He shot Lance a look.  
            “You seemed cold,” Lance muttered.  
            “Oh. Thanks,” Keith answered, starting to hand it back to Lance.  
            “No, just hang on to it for now. We still have a few hours left.”  
            Keith slammed his head onto the back of his seat and let out a small groan. “The novelty of being in a plane has worn off,” he said, sliding one arm into Lance’s jacket. He was surprised by how long the arms were. Lance wasn’t _too_ much taller than Keith, but he was definitely more gangly, and the sleeves covered most of Keith’s hands. But—he was wearing Lance’s jacket. What a cliché. But still, that in itself made his heart pound a bit. He’d be lying to himself if he said he was over that massive lie Lance had told, but he also wasn’t over Lance, and he knew it. Keith leaned over, trying to see Lance’s computer screen. “What’re you watching?”  
            “Oh, uh, nothing. Just finished something. Was thinking about watching _Guardians of the Galaxy.”_ Keith tried (and failed) to not look enthused by that. “Do you wanna… watch it with me?”  
            “Sure…” And with a small amount of hesitation, Keith took the earbud Lance offered him and leaned in to see the screen better, while the boys were both attempting to ignore their brushing elbows. 

            By the time the movie ended, the flight was just about over. The boys buckled back up for landing, shuffled off the plane, (Keith grabbing his bag on the way out) and made their way to baggage claim for Lance’s suitcase. While they waited for luggage to start appearing, Keith shrugged Lance’s jacket off and handed it back to him.  
            “Thanks,” he said again.  
            Lance nodded. “Don’t worry about it.”  
            Keith started fishing his jacket out of the duffel bag while Lance put his own back on, and then pulled his suitcase off the carousel when it showed up. During the short wait, Keith took a moment to check his phone, which had been collecting notifications while he was on the flight. There were a few school-related emails, a couple social media things, and after opening everything else, Keith checked his messages.

Shiro: Let me know when you’ve landed.  
Keith: Sure thing, Dad, we’re in Florida now.  
Shiro: Why this.

Group Chat: space nerds

Chunky Hunky: sent an image

            It was a picture of Shay, in a lavender dress that was slightly longer in the back, and small white heels. Her hair was braided and wrapped around her head with small flowers woven in, and she was smiling shyly at the camera, like Hunk had caught her off guard.

Chunky Hunky: LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HER.  
Princess Asskicker: Wow, that dress is lovely on Shay!  
the smol: wait hunk you love her?  
Chunky Hunky: I mean yeah I really care about her and maybe the wedding stuff is bringing out the romantic in me but yeah.  
Dad™: Have you told her?  
Chunky Hunky: Uhhhh noooo I don’t wanna detract from my sis’s day but I am planning something romantic when we get back!

            Keith tapped the side of his phone. He felt like he should say something; Hunk had become a close friend and he cared about his relationship with Shay, but it was still so hard to even think about the concept of being in love, particularly in relation to soulmates. He was a little jealous, even, wondering if he and Lance would _ever_ be like that. Well, he supposed it was all in his court, now, since he was the one who told Lance he needed time to heal, and had to learn to trust Lance again. Which he _did._ But his patience with himself was wearing thin, every feeling he had crashing into the other. None of his emotions were being copacetic; none of them worked with the other. Maybe Keith simply wasn’t _capable_ of loving someone the way Hunk loved Shay, or the way Shiro loved Allura. He looked up at Lance before tapping out a message.

Edgelord: good for you man.

            Lance’s family was waiting for them just outside the airport, and Keith was immediately overwhelmed. Five of Lance’s six siblings were there (he figured the missing one was Jacob), plus his parents, and amidst all the hugs they exchanged, Keith felt a little lost. All the feelings he’d had during winter break came rushing back. He felt out of place all over again. Keith was shaken out of his thoughts by a woman—he assumed it was Lance’s mother—speaking.  
            “Lance, who’s this?” she asked.  
            Lance was suddenly a bit embarrassed. He’d told them he was bringing a friend home, but forgot to mention exactly who it was. Not that it should have mattered to them. Lance grabbed Keith’s hand and tugged him forward a bit, closer to the family.  
            “This is my so—my friend. Keith.” Lance wasn’t totally sure why he’d amended the statement; they already knew his soulmate was a guy named Keith. And his parents weren’t stupid; Lance was sure they could put two and two together. But maybe saying they were just friends would give the McClains a hint not to push at anything romantic. And maybe it was a reminder to himself that they were, in fact, soulmates. Lance noticed his parents exchange a short glance, and it was no surprise his mother was the first to approach Keith.  
            “A pleasure to meet you, Keith.” Keith wasn’t sure to react as the small woman shook his hand so vigorously, so he just gave what was probably a really awkward smile and tried to remember how Allura remained so poised at the Holts’.  
            “Yeah, uh, nice to meet you too, Mrs. McClain.” She smiled at him, and Keith immediately felt a small amount of relief. There was something about Mrs. McClain, something distinctly different than Mrs. Holt. It was still odd to be intermingling with someone else’s family, but this wasn’t nearly as tense as he’d felt over winter break. For the first time in a while, Keith actually felt optimistic. Anxious and stressed, but optimistic.  
           As they walked out of the airport, Keith felt a small hand at his and looked down to see one of Lance’s siblings—Susana, he thought. The little one. She beamed up at him.  
            “I like your hair. It’s long and pretty.”  
            Keith instinctively ran a few fingers through the end of his mullet. “Uh. Thanks.” Compliments were a rarity for him and he wasn’t sure how to react.  
            “Can I braid it later?”  
            Keith was pretty sure he just didn’t fully understand what was happening, because he tried to align the facts—that he was walking out of the Miami Airport with Lance and his family, and a nine-year-old girl was asking to braid his hair—and the facts seemed like a part of someone else’s life, like he was some sort of imposter that wasn’t meant to be there.  
            “Oh. Sure,” he finally answered, and Susana’s smile grew. 

            When they got to the house, Lance and Keith were instructed to put their stuff in Lance’s bedroom, so Lance led Keith to where they’d be staying for the week. Lance dropped his bag on his bed, whereas Keith just sort of looked around the room. He shifted on the balls of his feet.  
            “Dude, just put your bag on the bed,” Lance said. Keith moved towards the other bed in the room and Lance shook his head. “No. Over here. With mine.”  
            “Wait, are we sharing a bed?”  
            “I mean… only if you want to,” Lance grinned, raising an eyebrow. Keith just scoffed at him and tossed his duffel on the bed. Lance pouted a bit at the lack of response. “I share the room with Marco, but—”  
            “I’m sleeping on the couch,” a different, more morose voice said. Keith turned to see Marco in the doorway. He was like a younger version of Lance. They were basically identical. Keith paused for a moment.  
            “Uh, you don’t have to, I can—”  
            “No, it’s fine,” Marco answered. “You’re the guest anyway.” Marco plopped onto his bed, studying the boy his brother had brought home. Keith felt Marco’s eyes on him and he wasn’t sure what to think. There was some sort of familiarity, even though they’d only just met. Something didn’t feel quite right, and it sent a tingle shuddering up Keith’s spine. Lance seemed to sense the discomfort levels in the room, because he said something after a moment.  
            “Marco, go help Mom with dinner or something.” Marco sighed and left the room, and then Lance sighed as well. “Sorry about him, he’s… I dunno. He was being weird when I was here for Christmas, too. I mean, we goofed around like we used to, but he also seemed a little quiet.”  
            Keith murmured an acknowledgement. Some of it could be attributed to being a moody teenager, but Keith saw something he knew in Marco. He wanted to say something to Lance, but some part of him hesitated. He sighed and laid down on the extra bed. “I’m gonna crash for a little bit.”  
            “Okay,” Lance muttered as Keith settled on the bed. He wanted Keith to come down with him, to meet everyone else, but he understood. It had been a long day. So he let Keith rest and went downstairs and was met immediately by Carmen.  
            “So, you brought a boy home,” she said, clearly teasing. But she couldn’t see the way their abuela, who was sitting on the couch, looked at Lance. One second of eye contact with Abuela, and Lance felt his stomach drop.  
            “Uh. Yeah…”  
            “It’s Keith, right? Your soulmate?”  
            Lance looked away from Abuela, looking at Carmen as he answered. “Yeah. I mean. Things are complicated right now, actually.”  
            “What do you mean?”  
            “Well, I… uh. It’s really a long story.”  
            “Come on, we’ll talk,” Carmen said, finally sensing his tension before she led Lance outside. He flashed back, to standing out there with Jacob. Jacob, who’d said he was weird, who said he didn’t make sense, that he needed to make up his mind. And then, Lance started crying. “Shit, Lance, what’s—what’s wrong?” She put an arm around his shoulder and Lance leaned into her.  
            “God I’m so stupid, crying like this, I’m sorry, Carmen,” Lance cried. Carmen stroked his hair, gently shushing him.  
            “Shh, sh, sh, you’re not stupid, Lance.”  
            “It’s just…” Lance sniffled, trying to compose himself. “I was thinking about this shit that Jacob said to me, when I came out to him. He was such a _douche_ about it. He accused me of finding a label just because my soulmate isn’t a girl. Like, _no,_ I’ve always kind of liked guys. I just never acted on it until I moved away… and Abuela. She looks at me like I’m some kind of stranger, and I can tell she’s just biting her tongue about Keith being here. I know I have support here, but… maybe they’re right. Maybe I am weird and wrong and I shouldn’t have feelings for guys but I _do._ I really fucking like Keith but I’ve fucked this entire thing up because of those same issues—there was this party, that was when we first talked about being soulmates but in the morning I lied and told him I didn’t remember and then he found out I was lying, and it’s kind of a miracle he’s even here. I’m just… emotionally fried.”  
            “Okay, first of all, Jacob’s an asshole. He means well, but he’s an asshole and he’ll come around when he figures out this isn’t a phase for you. I think it’s really brave for you to finally embrace that part of yourself. And Keith… well, I don’t think he’d be here if he didn’t like you.”  
            Lance gave a soft laugh and wiped his face. “Y-you think?”  
            “Yeah, why else would he put up with you for that long a flight?” Lance laughed again, and Carmen laughed, before hugging Lance tightly. “We all love you, Lance. Don’t forget that.”  
            “You’re the best, Carmen.”  
            “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”  
            The two walked back inside, and Lance felt better about the situation. Not _great_ , but better. 

            Keith woke up about 20 minutes after he laid down, but only because he’d been tricked into smacking himself in the face with shaving cream.  
            “What the hell…” His tired groan was met with two sets of laughter and footsteps running down the hall, which were met with a scolding voice.  
            “Nate, Rosario, leave our guest alone!” Keith sat up as Ema appeared in the doorway. “Sorry about them. Dinner is just about ready.”  
            Keith groaned again. “Um. Thanks. I’ll be down in a minute.” Ema nodded, smiling at him, and as she left, Keith found the upstairs bathroom and cleaned himself up. 

            Dinner with Lance’s family was… interesting. Keith was quiet, for the most part, playing the observer. Lance was so engaged with all his siblings. He was good with kids, that was for sure. Keith didn’t know how to feel about just being there. It was definitely a pleasure to see Lance so in his element, the way he joked with Carmen and Nathaniel, the way he showed so much love for his parents… what was Keith doing here? Suddenly he felt all out of place and insecure again. No, he mentally scolded himself. This trip was supposed to be a good thing. It was supposed to help—Keith was going to make sure it helped.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this chapter is mostly fluff. there's some good shit coming up tho i promise


	19. Beach Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith spend some more time at the McClain house; Keith is beginning to feel more at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this chapter contains discussion of self-harm. If this is triggering to you, feel free to skip from "Lance was standing about five feet away, in nothing but his underwear, which he was about to take off" ahead to "Lance was still thinking about things as they got into the car."

            When Keith woke up the next morning, Lance had already left the room—Keith assumed he was in the bathroom—so he just wandered downstairs by himself. Ema was in the kitchen, humming along to the radio as she stirred something in a bowl.  
            “Good morning, Keith, sweetie,” she said, smiling up at him. He paused for a moment, trying to think if anyone had ever called him sweetie like that, and came up blank.  
            “Um. Morning, Mrs. McClain.”  
            “Oof, so formal. Call me Ema.”  
            “Er… okay.” Her comfort level with that kind of familiarity threw Keith off. A lot. “Are you making breakfast?”  
            “Mhm.”  
            “Do you need help with anything?” he asked, hesitating a bit. Ema looked up at him.  
            “Oh, no, Keith, don’t worry about it, you’re a guest here.” He faltered.  
            “No, really, uh, I can help.”  
            “Have you ever made pancakes before?”  
            “Um. No.”  
            Ema laughed a bit. “Okay. I can teach you. Come grab a pan off the rack.” Keith walked over to the other side of the counter and began following Ema’s instructions. “Just spread a little butter in it, and scoop the batter in.” He did as he was told, looking to Ema for some kind of approval. She smiled softly at him. “Okay, and you wait for it to bubble like that, and then flip it,” she showed him, and Keith tried to follow the example she’d given.  
            “Like this?”  
            “Yes! Great job!” Keith smiled. It was… odd to be learning something like that, from a parental figure. Why was she being so nice to him, was it just for the sake of being nice? It was something of a new experience for Keith. He made a few more pancakes, encouraged by his own success, until he saw Susana looking at him from the living room.  
            “Keith, I thought you were going to let me braid your hair,” she called, pouting a bit.  
            “Uh…” Keith paused, looking to Ema, who just gave him a simple nod. “Okay,” he answered. Ema took the pancake batter out of his hands and he walked back into the living room and sat on the floor while Susana ran her tiny fingers through his hair. There was an unusual feeling in his chest. Being at the McClains was simultaneously nothing like being at the Holts, and exactly like being at the Holts, and he hadn’t even been there that long. He had the same sort of odd, out-of-place feeling, but the nagging message of “I don’t belong here” wasn’t in his mind. So far, they’d treated him just like anyone else, and that morning proved it wasn’t just for Lance’s sake, either.

            Lance came down from the bathroom before too long (though it had still been a while) and he snorted at the two tiny braids in Keith’s hair.  
            “What took you so long?” Keith asked.  
            “I have a routine. And that’s a good look for you, Kogane.”  
            “Yeah? Blame your sister for that one.”  
            “I mean, it’s better than your stupid mullet. Good morning, Mama,” Lance said, stepping into the kitchen and kissing Ema on the forehead. Keith felt both heartwarmed by the gesture, and also a bit intrusive, like it was something he wasn’t supposed to be seeing. He tried not to let it show, but looked away anyway. Everything in him wanted to be optimistic, but he reminded himself there were still eight days left.

             Three of those days passed without incident. And contrary to himself, Keith _did_ start to feel a sense of belonging. Okay, so he heard murmurs from Lance’s abuela, but he supposed that wasn’t that unexpected. Though every time Lance heard one, too, Keith could see how she was chipping away at his heart, and Keith kept waiting for someone to tell her off. And Keith also noticed Matias looking at him oddly sometimes, but neither of them ever said anything. He’d learned to accept Nathaniel and Rosario playing little pranks on him, and Susana wanting to try different things with his hair, and Ema trying to make him a part of things. Carmen was the best, though. She was the easiest to talk to, and she acted like she could see the sparks between Lance and Keith. Maybe she genuinely could, but he wasn’t sure if she fully understood the situation, though it wouldn’t surprise him in the least if Lance had told her. With every passing moment, he could feel his anger with Lance subsiding, making way for affection once more. Every time the boys made eye contact, someone looked away and both of them turned pretty pink, and Keith had a feeling the family was starting to catch on (if they didn’t already know outright). On the fourth day, Ema was having a visibly hectic day trying to wrangle the younger kids into the car. Lance was struggling to try and help, but she all but pushed him out of the kitchen, while Keith watched a bit helplessly from the other room.  
            “No, go, Rosario has soccer practice and Nate has piano lessons and Susa has Girl Scouts,” she said as Susana was tugging on her arms.  
            “Mom, we gotta _go,”_ Rosario called from the front door.  
            “I know! Nathaniel, get your music ready, let’s go!” She turned back to Lance. “Why don’t you take Keith down to the beach? Take the Camry, ask if Marco wants to go with you,” she said, tossing Lance a set of car keys. He nodded, still a bit dumb-founded. He’d forgotten how hectic the house could be. Ema left, and then Lance and Keith were left standing in the living room by themselves. Matias and Carmen were both at work. Lance grinned at Keith.  
            “Alright, cool, beach day, I guess.”  
            “I didn’t, uh,” Keith rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t have a swim suit.”  
            “Oh.” Lance paused, thinking over the options. It was between borrowing one of Marco’s, or borrowing one of his own, and he wasn’t sure Keith would fit in Marco’s. “Well, I’m sure we can, uh, find something for you. Come on.” Lance led Keith back upstairs to the bedroom and knocked on the door lightly. “Marco? Can we come in?”  
            “Oh, uh… hang on,” Marco said from the other side of the door. The kid had been giving Keith some red flags, but there was also the possibility he was totally misreading the situation. He wasn’t sure he should say anything anyway. He heard a drawer get slammed shut and then the door opened. “What’s up?”  
            “We’re going to the beach. Do you want to come?”  
            “Oh. No thanks.” Lance shrugged, but Keith thought better of leaving Marco alone for the day. If his thoughts were correct, getting him out of the house was probably smarter.  
            “Hey, Marco, you should come with us. It’ll be fun,” Keith said, not even able to count how many times the same had been said to him. “I mean, how often do you get to hang out with your brother, here?”  
            “Hey, yeah!” Lance exclaimed, sounding the slightest bit offended. Marco looked mildly embarrassed before answering again.  
            “Yeah, I guess.”  
            “Okay, cool,” Lance said, grinning at Marco. “So, Keith, you can borrow some of my trunks…” Keith looked away from Marco, to where Lance was opening the dresser drawer. After another moment, Marco was gone. Had he really changed that quickly? Keith pushed the thought out of his mind and picked a swimsuit, and that was the point in the day where a lot of things started happening very quickly. It was when Lance started to strip, and Keith got decidedly embarrassed.  
            “What—”  
            “What? We’re both guys.”  
            Okay, so maybe Lance planned this scenario—for them to be sharing a bedroom, for shameless excuses to change in front of Keith. Lance certainly wasn’t uncomfortable with his body And then he felt a twinge, because maybe Keith _was_ , either uncomfortable with his own body or uncomfortable seeing Lance like that. Keith felt color rushing to his face. Lance was standing about five feet away, in nothing but his underwear, which he was about to take off.  
            “Uh. I’ll go—change. In the bathroom,” Keith sputtered, before darting out of the room. In his haste, he did _not_ knock on the bathroom door, and he saw something he was very clearly not meant to see. Marco, pulling the sleeve of a swim shirt over his wrist, which was marked, lined with scars.  
            “What the fuck!” Marco exclaimed.  
            “Sorry, I…” Keith’s voice trailed. Him explaining himself suddenly didn’t feel important. “Marco, are those—?”  
            “You didn’t see anything. Don’t say anything to Lance. Or _anyone_. Promise me you won’t.”

 

            Lance quickly pulled his swim trunks on as Keith darted down the hallway, and he paced out of the bedroom, only pausing when he heard Marco’s voice coming from the bathroom.   
           “…say anything to Lance. Or _anyone._ Promise me you won’t,” Marco said. Lance gently pushed the door open.  
            “Don’t say anything to Lance about what?” he asked. Marco froze in place. Keith took a breath. It was time to step in. He hadn’t been sure before, but this was definitive.  
            “Marco… show him. Show him, or I will.”  
            Marco gulped, and pulled his sleeve back up his arm a bit. Lance’s eyes widened with panic when he saw his brother’s arm. He inhaled sharply, then took a step closer, placing one hand on Marco’s shoulder and grabbing the opposite wrist—the one exposing his cuts—with the other hand. One of the cuts was fresh, a line of blood rolling down his arm. Lance was speechless for a moment, and Keith felt the urge to step out of the room. He started to back up towards the door, but Lance’s eyes darted to his, and Keith could see into Lance’s heart in that moment. He was silently screaming, _please don’t leave me here… I need help._ He knew that Lance wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what to say. His eyes were still wide, tears beginning to well up, teeth grit in anger and panic. Keith moved back towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
            “Lance… you need to take a breath.”  
            Lance did as he was told; took a deep breath, and then he let go of Marco, who pulled his shirt sleeve back down and dropped onto the toilet seat.  
            Finally, Lance spoke. “Marco, what… what is this, how long have you been doing this to yourself? Why?” His voice was still fast and panicked, but he was talking.  
            “I…” Marco hesitated. His voice was wavering, too. “For a while… All this growing up stuff... I don’t know, man, I’ve been kind of out of it, having a lot of thoughts the last couple years. Thinking about being an adult and graduating high school going away from home… guess it just freaked me out. And then Mama said, ‘apply to the Garrison! It would be so nice if you and Lance were both there!’, and I started thinking about how I don’t live up to you, and I don’t live up to Carmen and I don’t live up to Jacob… Jacob’s a national hero, he was willing to sacrifice himself for strangers. Carmen’s working full-time _and_ going to med school, and you, studying at the Garrison like some kind of genius. Hell, I don’t even compete with Nathaniel and Rosario. They’ve both got so much potential, and I’m just kind of _here,_ like the family disappointment. I’m the one with all these… expectations stacked a mile high and I can’t even get a foot off the ground, and… and I’m literally incapable of handling this stress, and I guess… I don’t know. It felt better than having a fucking mental breakdown every other week. I just… like, if I can’t be what Mama and Papa want me to be, might as well not… be… anything. I just fucking settled for being nothing. And I was so _numb,_ Lance. Like nothing mattered anymore because I’m a fuckup with no future. I started cutting because… because after being numb it was… something. And I haven’t been able to stop.” Marco was visibly trying to keep himself from crying. Lance had a hand clamped over his mouth, tears pooling in his eyes, too. And then his sadness turned to frustration; his crying turned to shouting.  
            “You don’t think… you don’t think I’ve felt the same way about myself?” There was a cacophony of anger in Lance’s voice. “That I could never _be_ Jacob, or Carmen? That Mama and Papa think I’m not enough? You know what I’ve thought every day since I came out? Since _before_ then? That _I’m_ the family disappointment. That I’m not what anyone wanted me to be. And you know what I do? I _talk_ to people, Marco. I talk to Carmen, I talk to my friends, I fucking _handle_ my _shit._ This? This is _not_ an acceptable coping mechanism.” Keith was… surprised. Lance was an emotional person, but he’d never seen him so… angry? Anger didn’t feel like the right word, but it was the closest thing Keith could think of in the moment.  
            “You don’t think I know that?!” Marco shouted back. “You don’t think I fucking know how unhealthy this is? There is something _damaged_ in my fucking _brain_ , Lance. Don’t you get it? It’s a chore to even get out of _bed_ some days. This is why I didn’t want you to know. Because I knew you’d yell at me about it, tell me I was being irrational and stupid.”  
            “Marco, I am your _brother._ You could have called me, you could have—”  
            “Okay, enough!” Keith shouted. He hadn’t wanted to say anything, he didn’t want anything to do with this, it was not. His. Business. But he was there, and he understood more about the situation than he really wanted to admit. And for once, the time called for it. “Yelling at each other isn’t going to solve anything. Both of you need to take a breath,” he said, channeling his inner Shiro. “Lance, you need to stop. Before you say something you regret.” Lance didn’t have an argument. He hated yelling at Marco like that. He hated yelling at people in general. He ran both hands through his hair, stepping in a little circle before he let out another breath and moved behind Keith. Keith stepped forward, squatting in front of the toilet so he and Marco were at eye level.  
            “Marco… I know we don’t really know each other, but I am speaking from experience. When things seem dark… when things seem hopeless… you _have_ to remind yourself that they’re not. That there is always a better day on the horizon. You have something I never had. You have people who are here to talk to you. To help you. You have a family. They’re going to want what’s best for you, and yeah, that can be scary and overwhelming, but they don’t know you’re having these problems." Keith paused. That sounded kind of naïve when he played it back in his head, but he kept talking anyway. “I’m no authority to tell you what to do, but if it were me, I would throw out the blades, I would put a Band-Aid on that cut, and I would promise to talk to my parents.”  
            “Tonight,” Lance added. Marco didn’t say anything for a moment, not even making eye contact with Keith. Keith sort of cautiously reached out and set his hand on Marco’s shoulder.  
            “Marco, I have been exactly where you are. I didn’t think I was enough for anyone, I didn’t think I could be what anyone wanted. I was…in a very dark place and I know what it’s like to want to hurt. But, listen, I know it’s cliché as hell, but it _does_ get better—I am an example. I promise, it does get better.” A tense silence passed, Keith silently praying his words would get through.  
            “Keith…” Marco finally said, sniffling.  
            “Yeah?”  
            “I needed that.” Marco stood up, sniffling a bit, and wordlessly moved towards the medicine cabinet. He unwrapped a Band-Aid and put it on the bleeding cut. “The blades, they’re… in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Can you guys go toss those? I don’t think I can.” There were still tears in his voice.  
            Keith nodded, then grabbed Lance by the hand and pulled him out of the bathroom to give Marco a little space. Together, Keith and Lance threw all the blades into the trashcan, then took the bag out to the larger bin outside. Lance was still reeling in shock, so Keith took the lead on all that, and then insisted that they still go to the beach because it had already been a stressful morning and they all needed to get out.

            Lance was still thinking about things as they got into the car. Seeing Marco so distressed, so sad and scared that he didn’t think there was another option was… kind of terrifying. And if Keith hadn’t intervened, Lance probably would have just kept shouting. Which clearly wouldn’t have helped. It could have made everything so much worse, Lance realized, now that his head was on a bit straighter. He’d never seen Keith treat someone so gently. It seemed like Keith was trying to deal with emotions differently, and he knew how to step in if the time called for it. Lance tried to relax more as they drove and stop thinking so much, and playing some of his favorite music helped, so he put on _Ke$ha_. Keith wanted to lighten the mood, too. After a while, he couldn't help but let out a small laugh.  
            “What’s funny, Mullet?”  
            “I just can’t believe you listen to this.”  
            “Hey, ‘TiK ToK’ is an absolute banger.”  
            “Yeah, but it doesn’t _mean_ anything.”  
            “Music doesn’t always have to _mean_ something, Keith. Sometimes it’s just fun.”  
            Keith scoffed and picked up Lance’s phone from where it was sitting on the console. It unlocked immediately. “What, no passcode?”  
            “I forgot to reset it! Keith, put that down.”  
            “No.” He pulled up YouTube. Lance reached for the phone with his right hand, but Keith just put it out of his reach, laughing the whole time. Even Marco seemed to have let some of the tension from that morning go, as he was laughing a bit, too.  
            “Come _on,_ dude, I can’t fight you for it, I’m trying to drive the car.”  
            “Good. Don’t fight me. Let me put something on.”  
            “ _Fiiiiine._ As long as it’s not _My Chemical Romance._ ”  
            “Ugh. Fine.”  
            Keith tried to think of something he liked, but also something Lance might also like, and settled on “Tear in My Heart”. As the song played, Lance actually listened to the lyrics as Keith smiled, singing along.  
            “ _My heart is my armor_  
_She’s the tear in my heart_  
_She’s a carver_  
_She’s a butcher with a smile_  
_Cut me farther_  
_Than I’ve ever been.”  
_ And then Keith started thinking about it too. Maybe he chose this song for a reason.

            The beach was mellow, a good way to spend some time out of the house and get everyone into a more relaxed state of mind. Marco and Lance spent most of the time in the water, and Keith had absolutely no intention of joining them. He wasn’t much of a swimmer. After a while, Lance came back and sat next to him on the towels they’d laid out, and Marco started walking up the beach to collect seashells.  
            “I don’t think I’ve actually seen your tattoo,” Lance said. He was tempted to trace his fingers over the letters on Keith’s shoulder, but he didn’t want to push his luck as far as physical contact went.  
            “You have,” Keith answered. “You spent the night on Halloween, remember? And I slept shirtless.”  
            “Oh yeah… okay, it was dark in there though.” Lance looked at the blue writing on Keith’s shoulder blade. “Hey, your coworker is pretty cute. Think you could get me a number?” Lance snorted. “I forgot that was the first thing I actually said to you.”  
            “Yeah and yours features me calling you an idiot,” Keith said, deadpan. Lance listened to the waves roaring, splashing against the sand. The beach was quiet, not many people there that afternoon. He looked at Keith. They were both messes, weren’t they? Lance took a deep breath, taking the scent of the seawater. There was something calming about the beach. Keith saw how Lance loved the ocean, and he was thrown back to the writing piece still hidden away in his desk. How this boy was pulling him into deeper and deeper waters, away from all he was familiar with, to something new and scary and different. But he was changing Keith, too. For the better, maybe.

                       When the boys got back to the house, Ema told them there was no sit-down meal; she’d ordered pizza for everyone. Keith and Lance spent the evening sitting on the couch side by side, watching a shitty movie and trying not to let too much cheese fall off, until Matias came home.  
            “Lance!” he called from the entryway. “Mijo, I have a surprise for you,” he said, coming into view. Lance looked up, still mid-bite as Matias revealed a guitar. Lance sputtered, nearly choking on his food before he swallowed it down.  
            “You got my guitar! ¡Muchas gracias, Papa!”  
            “Lance, can you play your song for us?” Nathaniel asked.  
            “Of course!” Lance said. Keith perked up at this. He had no idea Lance could play guitar. Lance pulled up one of the chairs from the kitchen and set it in the middle of the living room, all his younger siblings (Marco included) sitting in a little circle around him. Carmen took Lance’s previous seat next to Keith.  
            “You’re in for a treat, Keith,” she said, smirking at him a bit. Lance was tuning the guitar, getting ready to play, when Marco cleared his throat.  
            “Hey, uh, Lance, when you’re done, can you, uh…” Marco nodded towards their parents, who were at the kitchen table, not fully paying attention. Lance nodded subtly at him. He’d make sure Marco would have a chance to talk to their parents. He took another breath, slightly self-conscious about playing in front of Keith.  
            “I’m a little rusty, but… here we go.” He closed his eyes, and as if programmed to do so, his fingers plucked the introduction. And then he started singing.  
            “ _There are places I remember_  
            _All my life, though some have changed._  
_Some forever, not for better._  
_Some are gone, and some remain._

 _All these places have their moments_  
            _With lovers and friends_  
_I still can recall._  
_Some are dead and some are living._  
_In my life, I loved them all._

 _But of all these friends and lovers,”_ Lance looked up from the guitar, making eye contact with Keith through the second verse.  
            _“There is no one compares with you._  
            _And these memories lose their meaning_  
_When I think of love as something new._  
_Though I know I’ll never lose affection_  
_For people and things that went before_  
_I know I’ll often stop and think about them._  
_In my life, I love you more._

 _Though I know I’ll never lose affection_  
_For people and things that went before_  
            _I know I’ll often stop and think about them._  
_In my life, I love you more.  
__In my life, I love you more.”_

Keith was entranced by Lance as he played. The way his fingers danced up and down the strings, his softly beautiful singing voice, the way his heart went into every little thing he was doing… and then Lance looked up, and he looked at Keith through the majority of the song. The one line rang through Keith’s head when Lance sang it, “ _In my life, I love you more,”_ and he was sure his face turned as red as his jacket. In that moment, Keith was undeniably, irrevocably, and completely in love with Lance McClain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha whoops i forgot i gave this chapter a happy-ish title and then threw all that Marco stuff in here. I'm gonna be honest, I'm a little nervous about having written that but there it is.
> 
> Music from this chapter:  
> TiK tOk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP6XpLQM2Cs  
> Tear in My Heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzm-6Fc9j5g  
> In My Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOS_V4Kde5I  
> (this is not the original, but the cover I looked at that I liked most for this scene)


	20. Emotionally Draining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance have issues; they finally get to talk things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter discusses suicide and attempting suicide. If this is triggering to you, feel free to skip from "I am... going to tell you something" to "It's fine, Lance. I'm here, aren't I?"

            _I’m in love with Lance McClain._ That was the thought that Keith kept repeating. No. That couldn’t possibly be accurate. Why was that what he was feeling? Was he truly _in love_ with Lance? And then he thought about it more. Of course he was. It made perfect, albeit infuriating, sense. He wouldn’t have come on this trip if he wasn’t. He wouldn’t have called him after getting the message from Rover if he wasn’t. He wouldn’t have talked to him on Christmas if he wasn’t. He wouldn’t have… And there it was. The one underlying thing that Keith had taken _way_ too long to realize—he was in love with Lance. His soulmate. Three words kept repeating in his head. _Love. Soulmate. Lance._ He tore his eyes away from Lance’s, and Lance blushed and set the guitar down. His next priority was getting everyone out of the room so Marco could talk to their parents.  
            “Okay, uh, do you guys wanna… play a game, in the den?” Lance asked, wrangling the younger kids together. Carmen sighed, seeming to know something was up, and followed Lance’s lead, and Keith got up last, still in a haze about the realization he’d just come to.

            The rest of that night, Keith was just going along with everything, and kind of feeling out of himself. He played card games with Lance and the others, even helping Susana make her plays, but for the most part he was just focused on how Lance was around his siblings, trying to think about something other than _love, soulmate, Lance._ Every time Lance laughed, Keith could swear his heart skipped a beat. Lance’s phone rang before too long, and he slipped it out of his pocket.  
            “Oh, hey, guys, it’s Jake!” Lance was excited as always to talk to his brother, but he wasn’t forgetting the harsh words he’d shared on Christmas. He swiped the phone open and saw his brother in the FaceTime window. “Hey Jake!” he greeted.  
            “Hey, Lance. Hi everyone!”  
            “Hi Jacob!” the rest of the McClains chorused. Keith watched as Lance passed the phone around from sibling to sibling, each of them taking a turn to talk to the eldest brother, and then it was back to Lance. They talked for a bit, and then Keith heard a particular sentence that caught his attention.  
            “So, uh, Jacob, there’s someone else here you should meet,” Lance said to the phone, his eyes focused on Keith for a second. Keith’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head vigorously, hoping Lance wasn’t about to rope him into all this. But of course it went without regard and Lance plopped down next to Keith. “This is Keith! He’s, uh… I… told you about him on Christmas.”  
            “Oh, I see,” Jacob said. Keith smiled awkwardly at the camera. “You, uh, brought him home for spring break?” Keith was immediately offended. He despised when people talked about him like he wasn’t there.  
            “Um, yeah? He’s my friend and I thought it’d be fun.”  
            Jake took a breath in. Keith could tell he wanted to say something, but he was holding his tongue. “Alright. Well… uh. I’ll talk to you soon.”  
            “Is that Tío Lance?!” Keith watched the screen as it was taken over by a small child.  
            “Mica!” Lance exclaimed. “Hi, sweetpea!” Lance was even more enthusiastic and engaged with his niece, and if Keith wasn’t already looking at Lance admiringly, he certainly was in that moment. After a few more minutes, Lance finally hung up the phone and leaned onto Keith a bit. “Ugh. Jake’s being such a jerk,” he muttered. Keith opened his mouth to say something, but in that moment, he didn’t know what to say. Lance’s phone went off again.

Marco: all clear  
Lance: what happened?  
Marco: i’ll tell you when you get up here.  
Lance: alright

            Lance stood up from the couch, setting his own issues aside. “Okay, game time’s over. Let’s go,” he said. Rosario, Nathaniel, and Susana ran out of the room, and Keith and Carmen followed more slowly, Carmen walking ahead of the two boys. Once she turned the corner, Keith stopped Lance in the hallway.  
            “What’s up with your older brother?”  
            “Oh. I could just tell he was weirded out that I brought you here. I think… I think he thought that after we talked on Christmas I would change my mind and just ‘go back to liking girls’. He says he’s cool with me liking guys, but he doesn’t think being bi is a thing and… I dunno. Carmen thinks he’ll get his head out of his ass, but…” Lance sighed, leaning against the wall, head hanging down. Keith grabbed Lance’s chin, pulling him into eye contact.  
            “Hey. Don’t worry about him, okay? You don’t have to put up with his shit just because he’s your brother.” There was worry in Lance’s eyes, a deep worry, and Keith could read what was going through his head. That Jacob would never fully understand. “You don’t have to apologize about who you are.”  
            “I…” Lance muttered, not really sure what else to say. He rest his forehead on Keith’s, casting his eyes downwards. And Keith started to lean in towards Lance, something being reignited in his heart, but Lance looked up, having heard voices coming from the kitchen. “Wait, shh!” Keith turned, too, becoming attentive to a conversation they probably weren’t meant to be privy to.  
            “Have we done something wrong as parents?” they heard Ema say.  
            “I don’t… I don’t know,” Matias answered. “How could we not have noticed him struggling?”  
            “This family is in shambles,” Lance’s abuela said bitterly. “First Lance, bringing a boy home, as if that is…”  
            Lance withered in place.  
            “Mama, will you _please_ stop harping on that?”  
            “Estela, the boys are not together in that way.”  
            “Do you think I’m a fool, Ema? It is no coincidence that Lance tells us his soulmate is a boy named Keith, and then he comes here with a boy named Keith! I don’t know if you notice the way they look at each other, but I have.” With every word, Lance curled further and further in on himself, sinking to the floor. Keith’s eyes widened. He didn’t know what to do; he needed Lance not to hear this, needed to get them away. “These are not feelings that boys are supposed to have for other boys. It’s shameful.”  
            “Lance,” Keith urged him, trying to speak over Abuela as he crouched next to Lance. “Lance please look at me.” Lance’s breathing was accelerating, his head was spinning, his heart was pounding, his gut twisted and wretched and he couldn’t help but start to cry. “Lance, please. Look at me,” Keith repeated. Lance’s eyes were wide and panicked, but he still looked up at Keith.  
            “I knew it, I knew she hated me, that she could never accept this. I knew she was going to—”  
            “Lance, shh.” Keith struggled to remember what Shiro did when he was having anxiety attacks. “Lance, can I take your hands? I’m going to hold your hands.”  
            Abuela was still speaking in the other room. “You acting as though this is acceptable under your roof, Matias? That has me in as much shock as anything.”  
            “Lance, look at me.” He was still maintaining eye contact with Keith. “You need to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth.” Lance did as he was instructed, blinking tears out of his eyes, his breathing evening out. “Good. Can you stand up? Let’s go upstairs, you don’t need to hear this.”  
            “No, no,” Lance said, still sniffling. “I want to hear what they say to this.”  
            “Matias, if you don’t intervene, he’s never going to—”  
            “Enough, Mama!” Matias yelled. “I am not going to pretend to understand Lance’s… tendencies. But far be it from me to pass such severe judgement on my son. The bottom line is that he _is_ my son. And he is your _grandson._ You should be wishing for his happiness, not… not believing he should be ashamed of himself. You are the one who is shameful. If this… Keith boy makes him happy, then good for them. If that is something you cannot understand, then it may be time that you don’t live here anymore.” Lance looked up in surprise, still clenching Keith’s hands. There was no way Papa would kick Abuela out. That did not add up. There was a deafening silence in the other room, and then Estela spoke again.  
            “Fine. I know when I am not wanted. I will be gone in the morning.” And footsteps carried out of the room. Matias let out a heavy sigh.  
            “Was that the right thing, Ema?”  
            “I think it was.” A long pause. “Now, what do we do about Marco?”  
            Keith stood up, still holding Lance’s hand, and they walked around the hall corner, revealing that they’d heard the entire conversation. Ema looked up at Keith, eyes wide, and as Lance let go of his hand, Keith ran up the stairs.  
            Susana was at the top of the staircase, clearly doing the same thing Lance and Keith had just been doing—eavesdropping.  
            “Keith, why was Papa yelling just now? Do you know?” He was caught off-guard by her, and wasn’t quite sure how to answer.  
            “Oh. Uh.” Susana wrapped her arms around Keith’s waist. “Don’t worry about it, Susa,” he muttered.   
            “But… he sounded upset.”  
            “It’s adult stuff, sweetheart,” Carmen’s voice rescued Keith. “Go back to your room, okay?” Susana nodded at her older sister and scurried away. “I heard some of that. Are you guys okay?”  
            “I’m alright, but… Lance had a total breakdown. I think he wants to talk to you mom, though,” Keith answered. Carmen hummed at him and he looked up at the ceiling, leaning back with his hands behind his head. “Did I make a mistake by agreeing to come here with him?”  
            “Keith, no,” Carmen answered. “Lance cares for you, and you care for him, and you fit in here.”  
            “The last thing I wanted was for me to drive a wedge between Lance and anyone here.”  
            Carmen sighed. “Abuela’s a bitch,” she said. Keith was silent. Carmen was so blasé about it, but… was she wrong? “I love her and all, but… she’s got real ‘traditional values.’ She doesn’t exactly support me being in medical school, either. Says it’s a ‘man’s place.’ There was no convincing her that…” Keith nodded. He understood.

            “Lance…” Ema’s voice was soft, but a bit broken.  
            “Is she right, Mama? Am I wrong to… have these feelings for Keith?” Lace asked, doubting himself for the dozenth time in half as many days. He leaned forward on the counter, trying not to cry anymore. Ema hugged him from behind.  
            “Of course not, mijo,” she cooed at him. Lance turned to face her for a proper hug. “It is… odd for us to see you care for a boy like this, but… it will just take some getting used to. I don’t want you to think that it means we don’t love you. Because we will _never_ stop loving you.” She kissed him on top of the head, and Lance smiled a bit in spite of himself. There was something so innately comforting about a mother’s hug. He took another moment, then stood up straight.  
            “Thanks, Mama.” He wiped the tears off his face. What a long fucking day. Ema nodded at him.  
            “Lance,” Matias said, calmly. “I think your mother and I have some other things to discuss right now. Your brother is having some…issues.” Lance nodded, his parents clearly unaware that he already understood the problem, and he moved slowly towards the staircase, retreating into his bedroom.

            Keith stood from Lance’s bed when Lance came into the room, his face heavy with concern.  
            “I’m alright, Keith,” Lance said, moving towards the bed to sit. After a moment, Keith sat back down, too. Lance’s eyes looked tired; emotionally drained, but other than that, he seemed okay. “What did Mama and Papa say, Marco?”  
            “That they were glad I told them, that we need to talk about some options for me. Therapy, maybe. I dunno,” Marco said, still sullen. The room was silent for a moment.  
            “That’s good, Marco,” Lance muttered. “I’m proud of you.”  
            “Thanks,” Marco answered, still morose. Keith couldn’t tell if he was genuinely thanking Lance, or just felt like he needed to say something. And then Marco skulked out of the room. Lance collapsed onto the bed.  
            “Fuck, what a long day,” he sighed. Keith suddenly felt very embarrassed about trying to kiss Lance earlier. This was clearly not the time or place. Lance was so stressed out about being open and out with his family. Keith didn’t want to push his boundaries. He wanted to kiss Lance again, he really did. But he didn’t feel like he could until they left. Not with so many eyes on them. He laid down next to Lance.  
            “Yeah… long day.”

            With Abuela gone, Lance felt a bit better about being a bit more flirtatious with Keith. It was disappointing, even heartbreaking, that she wouldn’t accept him, but the freedom to be himself in his own house outweighed his guilt at feeling relieved. The whole thing was kind of a mixed bag of emotions. And it seemed like Keith’s attitude had changed the last few days they were in the McClain’s house, too. After that one very intense day, they were still cautious, still tiptoeing around their feelings, but they were certainly making eyes at each other, dancing around each other, making flirtatious jokes that Lance was surprised to see Keith just about reciprocate. Over just a few days, Keith had gotten so good at dealing with Susana, at tolerating the twins’ pranks, at talking to Marco, and Lance noticed Keith being more emotionally open. He was laughing along with everyone, and being involved with them. _That’s my soulmate,_ he thought, with a surge of pride. And Keith felt such love present in the house, between everyone, including him. He’d been made to feel so welcome, and it was an anomaly, but he couldn’t pin this one on pity. The McClains actually genuinely cared about him. He actually felt good about being there, being a part of _something,_ even if he wasn’t quite family, which was a feeling he’d never known before. And the rest of the trip was relatively drama-free. That was, until Keith started having nightmares the night before he and Lance were supposed to fly back to the Garrison. In his dream, he was alone. He was 15 again, and he was alone, roaming the streets, rummaging through trash cans, cold and hungry and on the run. He came to a cliff’s edge, police closing in behind him, and all he could think to do was apologize.  
            “I’m sorry,” he said over and over again, his dreamself beginning to cry. And then he was being shaken awake.  
            “Keith. Keith!” Keith blinked the sleep out of his eyes, finding Lance standing above him, weighted down with concern. Keith sat up and Lance took a step back from the bed. “Sorry. It looked like you were having some kind of fit.”  
            “It’s fine. Nightmare,” Keith answered.  
            “Oh.” Lance walked the few steps across the room to sit back on his own bed. He laid down, looking up at the ceiling while Keith did the same, both of them just breathing quietly. “You know…” Lance broke the silence, “you don’t have to lay over there by yourself if you don’t want to.” Keith was immediately grateful for the dark cover of night, because his face turned aggressively red, as he was sure it had so many times that week.  
            “Are you… sure?”  
            “Yeah… sometimes all you need is a good snuggle session. Especially after nightmares.”  
            “Oh. Alright,” Keith muttered before crossing the room to Lance’s bed. It was… well, it wasn’t exactly made for two. Keith curled into Lance’s chest, letting Lance wrap his arms around him. Both boys had this feeling in their gut that… this? This was how they were supposed to be. Intertwined together, consoling each other despite it being about four in the morning. They were both awake, but silent. Lance couldn’t help but think about what Keith had said to Marco a few days prior—how he was an example, how he’d wanted to hurt. Keith was just enjoying the warmth between the two of them and the comfort he was finding in the hold of Lance’s arms. This was where he always wanted to be, this was the closeness he’d been craving, this was the feeling when two soulmates finally found each other.  
            “Hey Keith?” Lance asked after a while. His voice was somber. Keith hummed at him. “What did you mean when you were talking to Marco that day? How you were an example of it getting better?”  
            Keith sat up again, his hand curling into a fist. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen. But he supposed it was time the truth came out about that. “I never cut, but I… it’s a lot.”  
            “Keith.” Lance’s voice spoke with authority, and he sat up beside Keith, placing his hand on top of Keith’s. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But don’t keep it bottled up just because you think I can’t handle it.”  
            Keith let out a breath. “I am... going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone else. Not even Shiro.” Keith shifted his hand around, interlacing his fingers with Lance’s. “When I was 15… when I was homeless, I broke into a convenience store for some food. But, when I walked by the medicine aisle… I don’t know. I decided to steal this bottle of Benadryl instead. I didn’t think I knew why, in the moment, but I took them and ran, because I knew the alarm was going off and the cops would be there soon… so I ran to a nearby park. I remember… turning the bottle in my hand. I was sitting there under a tree at two in the morning, and I was wondering… would anyone even miss me if I were gone? What would happen if I just… took these, and wasn’t here anymore? I was a vagrant anyway, nobody would come looking for me. I’d just be there in the morning, waiting for someone to stumble across my abandoned body. And that… didn’t scare me. I didn’t care anymore. I’d spent so much time fighting just to stay alive, and it was exhausting and it was the only point in that year I had nothing. Usually there was at least a five in my pocket or someone’s fast food scraps, but the few days before that night? There was nothing. And I sat there, thinking to myself, why do I keep fighting? Why do I still cling to this hell of a life? I just _broke in_ to a store. So… I decided not to fight anymore. I poured a bunch of pills into my hand, and I swallowed them. I, uh, I stupidly tried to kill myself by overdosing on antihistamines. Clearly it didn’t work. I remember hallucinating for a while, but the memories are blurry. The next thing I remember was throwing up into a trash can outside a McDonald’s.”  
            “Holy shit, I…” Lance, once again, didn’t know what to say. Keith pulled his hand away from Lance’s.  
            “It’s fine, Lance. I’m here, aren’t I?”  
            Lance was quiet for a minute. “Yeah. And I’m glad you are.”

            They didn’t get much more sleep that night, setting off for the airport early. Lance clung closely to Keith, the weight of his words from that night dwelling in Lance’s mind. He couldn’t imagine a world without Keith, a world where he had those grey, stricken-out lines on his arm. Or maybe he wouldn’t even had earned a tattoo, wouldn’t _have_ a soulmate that existed in the world. Once they got settled on the plane, Lance let his hand rest on top of Keith’s again.  
            “Hey… Keith…” Lance said, looking at his feet for a moment, before turning to make eye contact. “I’m sorry I lied to you about the party. I’ll never stop being sorry for that, it was… it was really stupid.”  
            “It’s fine. I mean—it _wasn’t_ fine. But… I think after seeing how your family was about us just being there together, I understand why it happened. I thought I understood when you apologized the first time, but I _really_ understand now, and I think I wasn’t ready…”  
            “That’s okay,” Lance answered. “You deserved to take your time.”  
            “Yeah, but… I think I’m ready now. To forgive you, I mean.”  
            “Yeah?” Lance asked. Keith bit his lip, but he nodded at Lance. “So…” Lance’s heart was pounding in his chest. “Can we cut the shit and just be boyfriends already?” Keith would never admit how long he’d been waiting to hear that. His love for Lance became even more apparent to himself in that moment, and he gave the smallest nod he could manage before letting Lance kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow yeah so more drama this chapter but happy ending!! The last chapter is something of an epilogue? Epilogue-ish.


	21. The U-Haul Shuffle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's writing comes to see the light of day.

             “Okay, truth or drink—hmm…oh. Oh!” Lance grinned a mischievous grin at Keith, and Keith got suddenly wary over what Lance was about to ask. “How did you… lose your virginity?” Keith sputtered, and instead of answering, he wordlessly picked up his glass and took a long sip. “Oh, come _on,_ man, you can tell me."  
             “I’d rather not,” Keith muttered.  
            “ _Keeeeeiiiiiiithhhhh~”_ Lance whined. Keith couldn’t stand that whine, Lance only brought it out when he knew he wasn’t going to get his way. “You gotta tell me before everyone else gets here.”  
            “Yeah, remind me why we started doing movie nights every week? And also why we’re getting drunk beforehand?”  
            “Two reasons—One because there are SO MANY CLASSICS you haven’t seen, apparently. And two because it makes you stop moping around. Because it’s important to spend time with your family.”  
            “Lance, they’re not my—”  
            “Be honest, Keith, they are. Family doesn’t just have to be people you’re related to by blood. Family is the people you _choose_ to surround yourself with, people who support you and love you unconditionally and I’m pretty sure that describes all of them.” Keith blinked. He’d never really thought of it that way.  
            “I guess… you’re right.” _Holy shit_ , he had a family.  
            “Of course I am,” Lance said with a grin, before planting a kiss on Keith’s forehead. “Now answer the question.”  
            “The game is truth or _drink._ I already drank, now can you please drop it?”  
            “Keith, if we’re boyfriends, why are you still keeping secrets from me? I’ll tell you about _my_ virginity story, if it makes you feel better.”  
            Keith sighed. “You’re going tell me anyway.”  
            Lance snorted. “You know me so well. Well, in high school I was on the swim team, and there was this _really_ cool girl I had a massive crush on. Her name was Plaxum, and she was a couple years older than me. When I was 16, she asked me to a movie, and we went out for a little bit, and, uh, a couple months later we were hanging out at her place and… one thing led to another, and, uh… yeah. She broke it off not long after. Guess I wasn’t very good.” Okay, _that_ made Keith laugh. “Shut up! Nobody’s good the first time!”  
            “Have you ever slept with a guy?” Keith asked, curiosity getting the better of him.  
            “Uh. Yeah. Not until college. It was this hot TA named Lotor.” Lance looked embarrassed by it, and Keith decided not to press for details. “Okay, so there’s my dirty details. What about yours?”  
            “Lance, I’m, uh,” Keith hesitated. Lance was right, though. They were together. There wasn’t much point in keeping it a secret. In fact, it was probably counter-intuitive. “I’m a virgin.”  
             _Oh shit_ , Lance thought. And here he’d been making jokes about how nobody’s good the first time. Fuck. _Way to alienate your boyfriend, McClain._ Before Lance even really had a chance to react, Hunk burst through the front door, Shay, Shiro, Allura, Pidge, and Coran all trailing in behind him.  
            “Lance! Guess what!”  
            Lance groaned. “Whaaaat?”  
            Instead of answering immediately, Hunk chuckled, and then Shay giggled, and answered for him. “Hunk has asked me to move in.”  
            “If that’s alright with you, Lance,” Hunk added.  
            Lance opened his mouth to answer, but was once again cut off, this time by Shiro. “If not, you can take my spot in our apartment.”  
            “Why? Where’re _you_ going?” Keith asked, sounding a bit indignant.  
            “I am moving in with Allura, if you must know.”  
            “We’ve found a wonderful loft apartment across town,” Allura explained.  
            “Oh. I didn’t even know you guys were looking for a place,” Keith muttered.  
            “Well… yeah, I can take your spot, Shiro,” Lance answered. “If that’s okay with Keith.”  
            “Why would that not be okay with me?”  
            “Alright, yes, good news all around,” Pidge said. It was like Keith could _hear_ her rolling her eyes. “All the lovey couples get to live together.”  
            “Aren’t you and Elise getting an apartment together when you come back in the fall?” Lance asked. Pidge’s cynicism struck him as hypocritical.  
            “Yeah but we’re not _dating._ You know that.”  
            “Alright well if there’s a sock on the door, don’t go in.”  
            “You are so _gross._ ”

            The gang enjoyed their last movie night before Pidge went back to her parents’ for the summer, and then, as the week went on, they made their plans for moving day. Rent a U-Haul, move Shay’s stuff to Hunk and Lance’s apartment, move Lance’s stuff to Keith and Shiro’s apartment, and then load Shiro’s stuff, take the truck to Allura’s, and move them across town. It was a bit melancholy, seeing how pictures came off the walls and boxes stacked up, but Lance would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to move in with Keith. And reasonably so. What person _wouldn’t_ want to live with their soulmate?  
            They got to the second phase of moving day, and Hunk, Keith, and Lance started unloading Lance’s stuff from the truck. There weren’t really too many boxes, and once they got everything out of the truck, Hunk collapsed onto the couch.  
            “Let’s take a break, guys, it’s been a crazy morning,” Hunk said.  
            “Yeah, Shiro’s not even here, what the hell? We’re not moving his shit _for_ him,” Lance realized.  
            “He’s helping Allura pack. He said he’ll be back soon,” Keith explained.  
            “Whatever, I’m making lunch,” Lance said. And then he noticed that there was a disturbing lack of kitchenware. “Keith, where’s your cooking stuff?”  
            “What?”  
            “Like… pots and pans and stuff.”  
            “Oh. I guess most of that was Shiro’s.”  
            “You’re hopeless,” Lance laughed, and he sat back down on the couch with Keith and Hunk, and they ordered a pizza instead.

            “Hey Keith, do you have a phone charger?” Hunk asked after a while.  
            “Hmm? Yeah, check my desk drawer,” he muttered, not bothering to get up from where he was laying on the couch with his head in Lance’s lap, playing some inane game on his phone. After another moment, Keith and Lance heard Hunk call from the bedroom.  
            “Laaaaance!” Keith sat up, exchanging a confused glance with Lance. “Lance!” Hunk called again.  
            “Better go see what he wants,” Keith shrugged at Lance. Lance shrugged back as he stood up.  
            “Alright, Hunk, I’m coming,” he shouted, sauntering into Keith’s bedroom. No, this was his bedroom too, now, he reminded himself. Hunk was standing in the middle of the room, holding a piece of paper, his eyes scanning it quickly, and a grin spreading across his face. “Hunk, what did you call me in here for?”  
            Hunk thrust the paper into Lance’s hands. “Dude, you gotta read this.”  
            “Did you take this out of his desk? Man, uncool,” Lance said, but he started reading it anyway.  
            “Yeah, I know, but… I think it’s about you.” Okay, now Lance _really_ started to read it.  
 

 _Ocean Boy_

_It’s like he crawled out of the water just to see me. Curling waves roaring in the distance, the seafoam gathering around his waist. His waist, that tapers into a shimmering green-blue tail covered in iridescent scales. Wait. That’s not right. The water pushed him onto the beach, panic growing in his eyes. I glance around. Has nobody else noticed this? I rush over to him, bare feet padding through the sand, splashing through the shallow water and kneel next to him as his darting eyes fixate on me. A cool blue, laughter lines in the corners, perfect crinkles in his bronze skin. I ask him if he needs help. He says he got beached. He says he needs to get further out to sea. I peel my shirt off and discard it, not really caring if it got swallowed by the sea, and offer him my hands. We clasp our arms together as I pull the poor merman into the water, until it’s up to my waist. He flops over, twisting until he’s on his back in the water. He slaps his tail on the surface, smiling up at me, and he says thank you. I nod at him. He asks me if I want to keep swimming with him. I tell him yes, and walk until my feet can’t reach the sea floor anymore. He grins at me again and puts an arm around me, pulling me out further and further. The shore fades in the distance and I begin to panic. I ask what he’s doing, where he’s taking me. He laughs a sharp laugh, the sound ringing like daggers in my ear, and says that not all sirens can sing. And then we dive down. I’m being dragged, away from everything I know, away from everything that’s familiar, by this beautiful ocean boy, and as I sink into the abyss and feel myself suffocate, I realize something about myself. And instead of everything turning dark, there’s a pair of lips on mine, and light is streaming through the water again. I open my eyes and there he is, in front of me, and I look down, and see something indescribable swirling around my legs, and then they’re not legs. They’re one, and it’s a tail, a shiny red tail. I look up at him, and he smiles and takes my hand, and says that he thinks I’m too perfect to let me drown. My heart thuds heavily in my chest, but some part of me wants to stay with him._

            Lance felt his cheeks heat up the further he read. What did this mean? No, he knew exactly what it meant. With everything he’d come to learn about Keith, he knew. “Uh…hey, Hunk? Can you give me and Keith a few minutes?”  
            “Yeah, sure.”

             Keith was still laying on the couch, but Lance had been gone for a while, and he was starting to wonder what was going on. Just as he stood to investigate, he heard the bedroom door open, and Hunk came out first. “Uh, I’m gonna give Shiro a call, see what’s holding them up.”  
            “Sure thing,” Keith muttered as Hunk went out the front door. And then Lance came out of the bedroom, a piece of paper in his hand at his side. Oh. _Oh no._ Hunk, the nosiest little shit, had been in his desk drawer. “Lance… what is that?” Keith asked, fully knowing the answer.  
            “When did you write this?” Lance asked. Keith felt his face flush. “Keith, this is really good,” he said, moving closer to his clearly embarrassed boyfriend.  
            “Um. Thanks.”  
            “Keith?” Lance was closing the distance between them, stepping to be next to Keith.  
            “Yeah?”  
            “Is it, uh…” Lance paused for a second. “Is it about me?”  
            Keith inhaled sharply. “Uh. Yeah. It is.” Lance laughed a wonderfully joyous laugh, clapping a hand onto Keith’s shoulder.  
            “Oh my God. You’re such a dork, I fucking love you.” A split second after the words left his lips, Lance realized what he’d said and they both paused. Lance’s words were still hanging in the air. “Te amo,” he muttered, realizing what he’d said. And more importantly, realizing it was true. “I… love you.” Keith clasped his arms around Lance’s waist and pulled him close, and the two exchanged a passionate kiss, the best kiss since their first. Lance’s surprise was evident at first, but after a moment he pushed back into Keith, neither one of them wanting to be the first to pull away, both of them testing each other’s limits, demanding reciprocation. That was the fiery kiss Lance wanted, and the challenging one Keith craved. Keith drew back slowly for a moment, words lingering on his lips.  
            “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOMP WHOMP the end!!
> 
> okay my primary focus for now is gonna be finishing up my never-ending homestuck series but i might do some klance drabbles?? probably nothing as long as this turned out to be but yeh
> 
> also i'm considering doing an audio version of this with voice actors? so let me know if that would be a thing you'd watch/listen to
> 
> EDIT: if you're interested, auditions are open for the audio version here: https://www.castingcall.club/projects/what-life-throws-at-you


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